No idea how I got here but need to get out of this place!

Piquant_2

Busy week for you, can you relax a bit on the train?

Quite understand about not having mad hair, mine looks a little like an early Michael Jackson if it gets wet...:)

missrlr

Progress here is minimal - DH not making any progress with matters HR apparently he is waiting (for Christmas?)

Work-wise, something is afoot. Big boss demanded a 45 min attendance as I should always come to the office regardless of for how short a period time if I have off site meetings. This is despite having agreed I would not come to the office beforehand. Talk about bully boy tactics!

I have a consultants appt next week and asked for the day off as a consequence, made sure they knew this is appt as it is short notice and don't want them to jump to a wrong confusion and assume I am off on an interview. Both big bosses have been on the phone as a consequence , although neither could remember what day I had told them or where I actually was (conference) being quite nice to me which has been disconcerting to say the least. Also wee bit stressed about it all as I have to get through the appt!!!

So after a killer week with the most dreadful train journey Thurs and Fri (9 hours when should be 3.5 and 6 hours when should be 3.5!!!) and a 300 mile round trip today I now have suspect niceness from bosses to add.

I can't cope with games and being played which is exactly what I think is happening at work, I am damn if I do and damned if I don't at present. I just don't feel I can win and I try and be completely honest so when I say I have a consultant appt they suddenly get the guilts and are all nice to me, why not simply be nice the whole time?
Right Mr T list time - deep joy

brizzledfw

Hi Missrir..this sounds carp. Sorry to hear you have so much on your plate. Here's to something improving soon..like a new job on more money and your OH getting his LBM!!

As someone who travels a lot for work..and I am increasingly exhausted by it too..I can sympathise with those train journeys. Delays are such a maddening waste of time whatever the reason for them..

missrlr

Oh the delays are a nightmare, it is a joke when the reason for cancelling the services is a lack of staff. employ some more, for goodness sake, there are so many people who need jobs!
I could not go forwards or backwards and Reading station is SHOCKING. One very lovely man kept his ice cream and coffee house open - he must have made a fortune as there was no other option for any form of sustenance available there.

Onwards and upwards

Piquant_2

Progress is not minimal! Look at the figures in your signature coming down! Especially the one marked yours...

Sorry the journeys have been rubbish, nothing worse than being stuck far from home.

Enjoy doglet today, he'll be able to chase leaves in the wind and race through puddles!

missrlr

Well today is prepping for next week day, sometimes I think my life is one long battle simply to get from one side to the next of a day, a week an month and so on. I look at my calendar and I see an endless series of events I have to plan, prepare, organise, account for and then execute manage the unforeseen outcomes and reorganise stuff. Do I ever feel I am enjoying the events, really taking part in them? NO, not really. I survive the events. I am tense, not really IN the moment, I need to relax, enjoy the moment. I have to achieve this my life is passing me by and I am not getting much out of it.
I have tried to focus on making time for myself, anger management, relaxation training. I have looked at the shear about of stuff in my life and unless I either change my job or the amount I do in my life OR I have no social life at all. To reduce the amount I do at work is going to be difficult I have had more piled on my plate. I am trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel, some projects will come to completion and they should make my life easier, but it seems when I get one thing of my plate 2 more end up on it. How is that making my life easier?
Ideas on a postcard please folks as I am rapidly running out of me.

Piquant_2

oh dear, I don't have any suggestions other than go out with doglet for a while. I'm so sorry things are tough at the moment, you dont' deserve it all

x

missrlr

I just feel I have so much on and to do I don't have enough of me to get there. In fact I don't know where "there" is any more.

I am being as positive as I can, I can sit here and recite what I have done I have a list the length of my arm and I have managed to get all the prep for house mechanics for the coming week in place, so shopping done, meal plans done, washing mountain diminished, about to start the ironing mountain and prep for work that I have to achieve this week as far as I can all done, know what I have to achieve this coming week and how tight the timelines are.

Therein lies the rub - timelines and deadlines, so tight no room for ifs and buts and trains being delayed and missing connections. I need to be able to shut my brain off. I thought if I was prepared so I could plan and account for multiple scenarios then I may feel a bit more in control and it would all work a bit better, all that seems to happen is that I have more to fit in and more to account for and more to plan around.

I am not sure if this is something I have managed to do to myself or if this is being done to me and I can't see the wood for the trees.

Part of me is thinking that I am running on this life size hamster wheel - no matter what I do to get the smooth running of my house and life, creating time to catch up with friends, helping them, seeing husband, organising the food so we can eat, making sure the house is not going to kill us by growing some virulent mould or bacteria, making sure I can get to and from work, making sure I can pay the bills, the dog is healthy and walked, fed, has a good life with us.

Is this my life? IS my life comprised of doing stuff so things tick boxes and getting from A to B and sorting X, Y, Z making lists, working through lists?

I know I should count my blessings, I am not (to be the best of my current knowledge) dying in the imminent future and I could be in a much worse state vis a vis housing and food and so on, but is it me? I am simply be unreasonable and being childish? How can I manage my life so I can relax and enjoy what I do and the time I have - heaven's knows how long we are all going to be here!

missrlr

Gosh wasn't I maudlin. So time is still of the essence, and I don't have enough of it, need to work out how to create armor against the pointy comments about "should be working more hours than you are contracted for" (I mean what does that mean really? I pay you for x and so I want x+1 - how does that work?? How is that reasonable or sensible?)

Work is what work is - currently the difference between house and street living!!!

DH and I need some quality time together, although his shocker of a pay slip has made him very maudlin again - but I can only encourage and help with kind words, I cannot fight this battle for him, it is personal and to do with pay and conditions.

Oh for a magic wand, I don't want a lot just a boss who values me and a DH whose debt is not quite such a big black hole of hell.

missrlr

I am still here, head feeling like I am on a boat which is making going up and down stairs interesting. I would say this is the start of a cold but its being going on for a few days and no (touch wood) snotty head as yet. Wondered if it was viral as glands are the size of golf balls but hey I guess I will find out. when my body fails to fight this one off.

DH is totally shattered this week, he is rapidly slipping into demoralised worker mode and this is kicking into the house stuff as well. Very annoying as I keep telling him to do stuff like crack open the windows and he doesn't so then all the paperwork piled into the study windowsill gets damp from condensation I am the one who is left to sort it out.

Money keeps coming in then out of the bank account quicker than a tarts knickers. Remembered to get birthday cards for the beloveds who are celebrating this weekend. Now need to remember to post them!

I am still working on the how to get £35k before Christmas - not having a great deal of success on this one though!

Onwards and upwards