No idea how I got here but need to get out of this place!

missrlr

Signature updated with more debt busting as per above .... So much further to go ....,. Need a job that pays bout double now then I may get some traction.

missrlr

Future spreadsheets for the rapidly approaching 2013 done and realised we are about to be landed with a wedding invite. Nearly had heart failure when I did it as I could not make the month's balance let alone the year. 2 faults - one I had not carried across the balance at end of Dec12 (so started from zero and was a month behind already) and second I hadn't added in the income for DG share of the credit card bill each month! Net result bankrupt by April!
Awaiting the date for the wedding but had the heads up it will be this year so perhaps we have this and not a Christmas party outing which we were considering scrapping.
Does a no spend of sterling (as was on hols) for the whole of this month to date count or does the fact I spent Euros (but budgeted and had a finite amount) mean I can keep these as NSD?
Aiming not to spend anything cash wise for the rest of the month as then I have £100 in the budget which I can snaffle for debt. Or the mortgage increase (yes we are with S@nt@nder and the beggars have upped the rate - grrr grrr grrr) which I still don't know how much that will be and could cause chaos and confusion in the nice numbers I have made.

missrlr

P0st 0ffic3 masterc@rd are useless. Don't ask me why I thought to ring and confirm the dd instruction. Flipping good thing as the incomprehensible stupid idiots did bother to update the dd instruction from March and were busy going to try and get the payment from an account that no longer exists. Ad they won't set up dd over then phones and and and and and, totally flipping useless and now I have to make a manual payment. This on top of the fact the bank has a dd instruction for them is very confusing but I dare not leave the matter to chance.
Irritating and very very very annoying and customer service people are rarely if ever helpful. They are irritating and as the FD bod found out I don't want to hear this never ending spiel of we are so wonderful , just answer the flipping question and shut up nothing more.

missrlr

I feel I am being set up for a fall. I can't work out why just little things being said / done or more specifically not done makes me nervous. Very unsettling. Hate this feeling but we shall see. Nothing more I can do I can evidence what I did and if I didn't do something then I can show I tried very hard to get there.

missrlr

Another day at the funny farm here - there are some pretentious numpties around at the moment. I am trying to remind myself that killing idiots is still against the law and sit on my hands.
Presentation to give later - oh deep joy.
I am going to try and NOT look at emails this weekend at all. Not even personal ones. My brain makes this funny buzzing and creaking noise when I start thinking about work, it's a bit worrying and I don't like it.

missrlr

So nearly made the mistake of looking at emails. Struggling to sort my stress levels out really need to chill out and rest been on full tilt for so long now cold turkey is the only way I can think of breaking the habit

missrlr

Work is over for a week and I am trying not to check emails but iPads have this horrible way of a message appearing at the top of the screen letting you know about them, sure you probably can turn it off but can I work it out?
So today was off to a great start, gym nice and early but blister appeared in the class so the aim of a double gym session was foiled. Return home Doglet poorly again ( I think this is a ploy to be allowed to sleep upstairs as it only happens when he has to sleep downstairs) cue medicine time. Then bit of pampering toes and fingers now reputable again.
DH promptly starts baking chocolate brownies , seriously the whole house smelt like a bakery, did nothing for my will power. Solution, get out of house.
Did a bit of gardening and sorted out some more autumnal clothes, packing the summer ones away. Shoes I have held on to and the real winter stuff I didn't do, still hoping for some sun and a bit of long sleeved top time before jumpers and so on set in earnest.
Paperwork time as idiotic MrT managed to cancel Doglet insurance and had cross words with them to reinstate. Checked all paperwork noticed 50% off gym offer, so went to said gym, signed up with delayed start as need to give months notice for current gym, plus got n3ctar points and get free health assessment , signed up DH for trial month too and health assessment so hopefully will gee him into action
Classes are at a better time for me and more interesting, only down side is no towels provided, but the gym ones have been so scummy lately this is no drama.

Doglet walked and fish filter things bought , plus replacement fish for deaths earlier in year (planned and on offer). Bits for DH to finish new cupboard sorted then cam back and finally the smell was gone so avoided the temptation to scoff the whole lot in one, small portions cut up (as in it says 12 portions and we usually get 6 , this time I made 12)
Now, all I need is a bit of inspiration for some employment type paperwork activities and today will have been by productive
Awaiting end of month for next pay off of bills, but not spent any cash this month from allowance YET.8 days to go, things can change.

missrlr

Up far far far too early this morning Doglet wanted to be let out at 7am the breakfast and now has flaked out on the sofa ASLEEP. Having got me up and woken me up to the point I can't get back to sleep.
Failed in not checking emails but only looked to see if there was anything important a didn't read and deal with the others (which I would usually do)
I have discovered that there is NOTHING on the TV for grown sane adults on a Sunday morning before now, and in fact probably before 9!
Not going to gym today as yesterday's session is still being felt on the muscles. Although there is a yoga session so thinking that may be a bit more my speed today!
OK now to summon up some enthusiasm for paperwork today perhaps after cup of tea 2 I may feel more inclined
It's that time of the month where the bills are paid and I am waiting for the next month's pay packet to start the process again feels like limbo and as if I could be doing something more productive so hoping to harness this for the paperwork side of life

missrlr

Sunday afternoon Doglet is driving me bananas and I have regained that immense sinking feeling of impending doom. Makes me feel quite sick and I don't know why. Bit of a headache brewing but trying not to take pain meds due to the apparent ability for these to give you more headaches. Stomach has kicked off the sore throat thing again, that usually means I have infect ulcer again.
Can't even go Doglet walking as piddling it down with rain and icky here. Considering if I should go an seek some medical help with this. Not sure I want to explain the work thing to a real face to face person or be judged for getting to this point. And I know the answer will be reduce stress but I don't see how I can do this without changing a job and that is stressful in itself and doesn't stop the current job stress from having to be dealt with. I try relaxing things and trying to get work under control but tis clearly not working is it? So ideas folks please, practical ones if I can be so presumptuous

missrlr

Just had a bit of a subconscious revelation moment. I am very insecure in my job and I need to work out why. I feel that I am constantly playing catch up to the role I am in but my peers all give me really positive feedback and I am sent referrals for questions within the industry. One thing I am told is that I know my stuff. I have a good relationship with the regulators when I ask questions they are sensible and always are commented as being thought provoking. So why is it I feel I am not good enough at work. I think the answer is the b0ss practitioner supreme of Machiavelli. Everything is questioned and so I spend more time proving to him that what I say or propose (ESP if money is involved) is right and needed and usually having to argue the view point the regulators take.

Also had epiphany with DH who wants to raid the months worth of bills in the joint account to go away on NYE, I simply cannot permit this. Not the going away bit, the using slush fund bit. I don't feel secure enough in job to risk not being able to pay bills. And I want to start the next year with a bit of security which for me means that slush fund. So I need to lay down the law about the slush fund and work out how to enjoy NYE ...

How do I get to feel more secure and confident in the job I am doing that others are behaving without micro managing?

Ideas on a post card please