No T Words mentioned at all - a fresh start

DundeeDoll

MrsLurcherwalker wrote: »

DD1 who sings with a choral society and they have big concert coming up on Saturday evening, Berliose Te Deum and Faures requiem with a posh London Orchestra in the cathedral in the city where she lives , big treat for me as she buys me the ticket- .

Oo lovely.i love the faure. Which orchestra? Was lucky to go to RVW's sea symphony on sunday with orchestra of scottish opera. They did stanford Sea songs first half which i wasnt familiar with. Very good, and really nice touch to have rnli retiring collection

DundeeDoll

scottishminnie wrote: »

FTM - I haven't had a crunchie in ages but now I have a real craving and I don't normally care for chocolate.

Just to make you reeeeeeeally jealous i won a box of 48 in their fb friday comp. Fortunately they arrived just before i went off for a w/e with lots of mates so we shared them nom nom

scottishminnie

DundeeDoll wrote: »

Just to make you reeeeeeeally jealous i won a box of 48 in their fb friday comp. Fortunately they arrived just before i went off for a w/e with lots of mates so we shared them nom nom

48 crunchies- I've just gained half a stone by imagining them:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

Kaz2904

48 runchies :eek: I'd never have shared them I'd have made myself ill ! I'm lucky, my kids don't really go for them much and they know I love them so they always let me have them from their selection boxes when I am looking woefully in the QS tin at all the blasted soft centres that only the other 3 like

[Deleted User]

DUNDEE DOLL -think its the London Symphony Orchestra but will tell you for sure when I come back - one thing for certain it will be superb, they are really good for an amateur society, they are conducted by the Director of Music for the Cathedral who is also Head of Music for BBC Wales. I love to go to the rehearsal in the afternoon and see all the tweeks he makes with the performance than go and see how the whole thing sounds at the evening performance, magic. Mind you he takes no prisoners so woe betide those who sin! Save me a crunchie for next week. FTM - Hope that Fern is feeling much better today and you have an easier time of it . Cheers Lyn.

Kaz2904

Ok, you lot sound like good calm Mums with years of experience under your collective belts.
It's sports relief day. DD (age 10.5) has spent all week saying that she is going to go as a gymnast wearing her swimming costume and pe skirt. I have said no. She can wear tracksuit bottoms and a t shirt.
She has orchestra on Fridays at 8am. 7.45 this morning I clock her on my way out of the bathroom. She is wearing grey school tights with white ballerina pumps (I didn't buy her these and don't allow her to wear these as they are ruinous for feet). She also has on a pe skirt and a stripy fleece. I ask what she thinks she's dressed as and she says "a ballerina" :eek:. I tell her to go and get changed and say that I have told her all week what to wear. She goes of on one like a rocket and starts screaming and shouting.
DH comes in and says she can wear her Aikido outfit (brilliant idea I wish I'd thought of it earlier in the week) so I dig it out for her. I tell her that she has precisely 3 minutes to get changed or she gets no money for the cake sale this afternoon. She refuses so I say fine, no money. It's now 7.58 so I start trying to get her undressed and dressed again. She is fighting and struggling and I'm getting very concerned that she is going to injure herself or me with the way she is flailing her limbs around. When I get her fleece off, she has a t shirt under it and a swimming costume under that. I get the t shirt off her and start on the swimming costume. The costume is a racer back style and way too small so by the time she has fought to keep it on and I've got it of, she has red marks down her arm. DH comes in and tries to calm her down and point out the ridiculousness of the situation. She's screaming in our faces at this point. DH loses it and shouts at her (very, very, very rare he does this). We start getting her aikido suit on and she rips it off at every opportunity.
I go to ring the school to let them know she won't be in for orchestra because she's having a tantrum (couldn't get through).
She has shouted at her dad that it doesn't start until 8.10 anyway. So he tells her to get dressed. She still refuses to put on her ghi so I tell her again that she will have to go in uniform. So off she stamps in her foul temper. I get in the car as she's screaming at DH that she can't wear her school jumper because "SHE" (me) has put it in the wash.
I take her to school in silence and she gets out of the car slamming the door in my face as I'm saying goodbye.

What should I have done? How could we have stopped this descending into such a stressful situation and how the heck do you get a child dressed when they are almost the same size as you and in a screaming rage? Her behaviour had been improving recently so this was a bit out of the blue. Whilst I was trying to undress her and get her dressed agian, she kicked me and I smacked her bottom. I'm so cross with her and I'm even more cross with myself. We never have anything like this with DS. All it takes from either one of us is a raised voice. We rarely even shout at him.
Am quite upset because I feel that I'm doing something really wrong that DD is descending into this sort of violent behaviour so often. She won't be going to her guides session on Monday which will be sad for her because her group of 3 have raised £80+ for the children's hospice so she'll miss the session where she gets to hand over the money.

What did/do you lot do in these situations?

flowertotmum

Kaz..o dear me my lovey..its not your fault firstly ok..under the stress then i would have smacked her bottom too and probably hard enough to shock her...
Ok here's what i do..if a tantrum is in the offing..i tell them if they start then there will be no going anywhere,not wearing that and not doing this..its up to them..that way they know the consequences before they start.
If it does start..then i will let them get on with it and if we are late/don't go then they know its down to their behaviuor.
Also i have on occasion removed beloved toys and books from them and they only get them back when i think their behaviour and attitude has improved.
Maybe a reward chart would help..however please don't think any less of me saying this..isn't she a bit big to have a baby tantrum..my 3yr old does this not a big girl..try that tactic on her..big girls don't do that only a baby does it..and besides i am the boss and if you don't like it tough..
Honestly i have had my fair share of tantrums..ignoring them and setting the rules before they start,lets them know if they cross that line then consequences happen.
O and you and hubby be a united front..do not let her get away with talking to you like that and your oh should back you up..and vice versa..
ok now you go have a cuppa and calm down...be ready for her when she gets home..
love
ftm

Kaz2904

She is waaaaaay too big to be having baby tantrums like this . We've had issues with her having tantrums for years. We've tried everything we can think of. We have done the ignoring thing and what not too.
What happens though when it starts to affect things for others in the home. Today was a special instance, DS wasn't affected by being late because he doesn't have to be at school until 8.50. If it was a normal school day and she did this, he would have been late too. At 10.5 I'm concerned that taking her into school late because she's having a paddy is not going to be believed or be frowned upon. I feel that I will get into trouble for her being late.
She knows that we are the bosses. She knows that she won't win. I don't understand why it is she does that. It's not like she forgot, I've been telling her all week.
She just get's it into her head and this morning come hell or high water, there was no way that she was going to wear her ghi to school. She's cut her nose off to spite her face (again).
What she doesn't seem to understand is that if she misses out on something due to her behaviour, it is not a catch up thing, she's not going to be given the reward or treat later on. That's it, chance gone and consequence. The reason I find it so hard to believe that she can't grasp this is because we've always been firm. If a punishment has been set, there's no wriggling out of it.
I do feel that DH isn't strict enough and she isn't punished enough. She was having a paddy a few weeks ago about washing her hair. She was due to go to a sleep over the next evening. I told her that she was not going to be going anywhere when she can't be trusted to behave. DH made her apologise to me and said if she did she could still go. That made me cross. She didn't get a punishment there. She disrupted everyone including the neighbours at 9pm and still gets to go swanning off to a sleepover.
With this issue, we're at odds. DH and his Mum don't agree with stopping them doing stuff (yet MiL says to stop her from going out with her friends but when I say well she's only got out of house activites as the weather's bad, she says "Oh no, don't stop them"), DH thinks she needs to attend them to learn how to behave like a normal person.
I was brought up with, if you misbehaved, you got grounded. Grounded meant no going out. Anywhere. You even had to stay with the adults when they did the weekly shop instead of browsing the sweet aisle for pocket money sweets.

flowertotmum

Kaz..have you tried taking her in late to school..and in front of her telling them why she is late..sometimes the truth can snap them out of it...and tbh it seems to me from your post that she is an expert at getting her own way come hell or high water...
If it doesn't sound awful to you..then tell your hubby and i mean tell him that if she plays you up then your punishment stands..an apology means nothing if they still get to do their own thing..
My older girls will tell you i am a mean mum lmao..when they got grounded that was exactly it..no going out,no friends around,no extra curricular activities,no phone calls out and no phone calls in...
Without being mean she is your dd and its nothing to do with your MIL on how you punish her..and your hubby is totally deluded if he thinks that accepting her behaviour is ok and then letting her go to things because it might teach her how to behave...its teaching her how to master manipulate you all...
I might sound harsh but i am not lovey honest...
love
ftm

Kaz2904

Thanks, ftm, I have just checked back in. Yes she is a master manipulator. She is definitely NOT going to guides on Monday. I have already told her that. I also told her that that's the consequence to her action.
We spent the afternoon sorting out her clothes as they desperately needed doing. Tantrums all round there too. Then crying about everyone laughing at her clothes. I had to point out that I can't exactly do anything about it if she won't try anything on so I can get her new stuff too.
Apparently I'm awful and don't understand because I won't let her wear miss sexy trousers for school. IMO no child should be wearing something that's labelled miss sexy and the skinny trousers 1. aren't all that flattering on most people 2. are not appropriate school wear and 3. don't look that nice .
DH is getting her new school jumpers tomorrow as she's chewed through the sleeve of hers. Gah!