help. I feel like an alien.

Hanging_by_a_thread

chocolate_dream wrote: »

I'm a teacher.

I cant even imagine being able to stand up in front of a class of, how many is it now, 30 or 31 kids and teach them. To be able to keep them focused, to deliver a lesson and have them learning from you. To have the ability to inspire them, monitor them and help them progress. Now you see that is something I admire. As far as I am concerned that takes a courage and confidence level I just dont have. You have something to be proud of being able to do that.

DVardysShadow

chocolate_dream wrote: »

I then just thought I was good at passing exams and had picked easy A levels (Maths, Chemistry and Physics).

chocolate_dream wrote: »

LOL My degree was maths.:o

Ok, leaving out the issues of gender stereo typing, these are blokey subjects, and given that being male is somewhere on an autistic spectrum, I would guess you probably are a high functioning Aspergerista. There are one or 2 here including one female with a high post count who I really love to read, with a great sense of humour.

If you are an Aspergerista, you are probably a bit disadvantaged in social situations and your upbringing has exacerbated the deficiencies rather than ameliorating. Not to worry too much. You are interacting here perfectly well - and I think that social interaction on-line on forums such as this requires a degree of learned behaviour. So if you can learn it on-line, I think the same can apply in real life. Indeed, someone I know has an autistic child and having read around the subject and come across some of the diagnostic questionnaires, he believes he too is an an autistic spectrum. But socially, he has no observable issues - not that I have asked him how he feels about social situations, but I doubt he thinks he has an issue there.

Overall, I think you are very self aware - if nothing else because of your upbringing. You can begin to extend from that to awareness of others. What are they thinking? How and why are they reacting? What and why are they initiating? And most importantly, what are the similarities and differences between them and you? And you will begin to find yourself more able to interract. Learn about open questions and finding out about people by talking to them.

Personally, I don't think the GP will be able to help too much. Politely, he is telling you that there is not much wrong with you - and he is right. I doubt you are ill. I think you just have some growing to do.

I think that if you continue along the path of personal development, you will begin to identify and deal with the issues from your childhood. Maybe you will find you need some particular therapy. When the time is right, the therapy required will be more obvious. Now is not that time, and you may just deal with the childhood without therapy.

Sooki

OP I hear what your saying but if your you've never felt challenged with difficult subjects maybe you need to find something that does this!

Have you considered taking an OU course. Maybe persue the physics angle. Or something that interests you that you find difficult, an arts subject perhaps!

I assume that good maths teachers are hard to find, have you thought of going to another school?

Sooki

Sooki wrote: »

I assume that good maths teachers are hard to find, have you thought of going to another school?

I'm also assuming your a maths teacher, by the way!

Ich_2

My OH had a similar childhood with non-supportive parents, as a result has spent most of life trying, with little success, trying to show them they were wrong
This led to few friends except for older people who took advantage (cheap baby sitter etc). This also led to us having few, if any, friends in our lives (something I didn't like as I'm a people person). The number of bouts of severe depression since we met is in double figures!

If anything the biggest issue which may be connected is very low self esteem. Over the last few years our world has changed with a group of international friends, who I found through a couple of internet forums, who see us as we are, know of the issues and see my OH as a worthwhile interesting person.
This is a situation that confuses my OH that they actually treat her as one of them!

So stick with it, explore the internet as the first step and find a forum or two that interest you, you'll find folk with similar interests and that may lead to friendship.

Probably the best indicator of our position is that we will be attending a house party for this group of friends later in the year, for the third time. Usual attendance between 40 & 50 from 5 or 6 countries

chocolate_dream

I want to say thanks to everyone who's posted here. It really really helped. Everyone's been so supportive and there are so many valuable suggestions I really do appreciate everyone's help. You'd never really think a MSE forum would be so helpful on a personal, non-financial level but I have to admit I couldn't have received more constructive, supportive and well balanced advice. You have no idea how much you've helped. I went to work this morning feeling positive... which I really could only put down to your help. Anyway, thanks again.

RAS

Hi c_d

Not read the whole thread, but most.

I empathise with all the stuff about being as if your were a failure and finding it hard to accept praise. Also with social situations.

A couple of thoughts;

1. In your country of origin expressing your own thoughts (as opposed to official thoughts) may have been very dangerous? If so, you may well have grown up used to trying to work out what to say/do rather than what you felt about the situation?
2. When you move here, the local kids experiences were so far removed from your own that actually it was pretty hard to connect at all?

As a result it may have been difficult to learn to chat in social situations.

You may need to turn down the alert mode, get in touch with "me and how I feel/what I think about this."

If you want something self helpish try www.focusing.org . The basic first two sessions are about learning to get in touch with what you feel and express it. Useful as a !!!!! detector and thinking through the consequences of the third chocolate bar, as well as what you feel in social situations.

meritaten

this is all very well - but it doesnt address the issues in the OP.
the poster finds ordinary social interaction difficult, she is aware she doesnt read body language and finds herself out of her depth with conversations the rest of us find easy.
It may help you hun if you have some 'rules' or 'guidelines'.
I am just guessing that you find interacting with colleagues and staff difficult.
correct me if this is wrong.
with your amazing mind you should find Non Verbal Communication easy once you have learned the 'rules'.
Look up Non Verbal Communication - study the expressions and the 'labels'. such as 'anger', 'puzzlement' etc.
you say you can recognise those at one remove - I know this is a bit strange - but do you wear spectacles? if not, consider getting some of a very weak resolution. specs can help you feel more removed - and may aid you in recognising facial expressions.
remember peoples spouses and families - just asking how they are, can trigger a conversation in which you need to do little more than nod or shake your head - even just looking interested can convince another person that you have 'connected' with them.
Social Interaction has 'rules' hun - you can learn them!

Sooki

I'm really glad your feeling more positive OP