help. I feel like an alien.

chocolate_dream

I'm sorry, but I really really do. I remember when I was a kid and everything I did was wrong, my parents always told me off and made me go to my room to think about what I had done. I did but I seriously never could figure out what the problem was, ever. I would have thought my parents were being unfair but at school I never had friends although I wanted them. I used to think I came from another planet and couldn't understand people at all. It's like everyone else understood what was wrong and right and I never did. Now I'm an adult, I am well educated and successful but still socially there are real problems. The thing is that as I get older the problems are more and more ingrained and debilitating. I don't think people dislike me as such but at the same time no one actually likes me either. I can't form friendships or relationships and I know it must be me, it's too consistent to just be a matter of circumstance. I think I'm dull and have nothing to say and a complete freak. When people talk I always feel like I'm looking to someone else to show me how I'm supposed to respond or feel about a situation so even when I listen I don't think I really ever understand like I ought to. I really don't think that's normal but perhaps it is. I know I'm going on, I just don't know what's wrong with me but I know something had to be. I feel rejected by everyone. I'm isolating myself more and more as being around people is just constant rejection now and I just can't cope. I know it's no one else's fault. I don't know what to do anymore. I've talked to my doctor, nothing really seems to make any progress.

carefullycautious

Can you give an example of what happened socially that you did not understand or that made you feel uncomfortable?

Is there anyone who you know who would give you an honest answer as to what their take on you is.

Have you been checked for Aspergers syndrome some of the traits sound familiar

pug_in_a_bed

It sounds very much like you are feeling depressed. I have had a few depressive episodes and can empathise with your feelings of being socially isolated. I would often feel that I did not deserve the company of others and that I was a failure at making friends and so on. I have been on antidepressants a few years which has really helped, I've also had two bouts of cbt which have also benefited me greatly.

Have you discussed feeling low with your doctor?

There_Goes_Trouble

I was going to suggest Aspergers too. It might be worth another chat with your GP and ask for a referral for a proper assessment. If you do have Aspergers then you could get some advice on how to live with it and how to help you fit in.

whitewing

Potentially Aspergers or a personality disorder. You could go and see a private psychologist and see if they could do an initial psychiatric questionnaire. That may throw up some potentials and you could then go back to the gp if you wanted a fuller diagnosis.

chocolate_dream

For instance, at work, at lunchtime people tend to socialise more. Partly it's like everyone else is genuinely engaged in the conversation and I have to force myself to say something but I genuinely can't really engage. Sometimes when I talk, you'd actually believe that no one heard. They just start a new conversation with someone else even if what I just said was a question. I seem to have really bad luck with guys, but to the extent that it really isn't luck, they just go off me really quickly, it's almost always them who lose interest. When I was a kid I used to get told off at home all the time, I genuinely don't know why so can't really say what I did.

spidersandsprinkles

Sometimes I feel like this too. I feel like I make the effort and get nothing in return which makes me feel quite sad at times and means I find myself dealing with rejection in a way that's probably not appropriate. I confuse myself about whether I'm actually being rejected or just perceiving it. I've had low times in my life but never seen a doctor about it. I think the best thing to do is to write down your feelings about these things (maybe whilst you're feeling them) and go back to the doctor and show them. It will make them realise how serious this is to you and hopefully find you some help.

whitewing

There is a fair bit of overlap between symptoms of Aspergers and personality disorder, so it may be worth looking into both. I found a diagnosis helpful in helping me understand myself and certainly your post no 6 is how I have felt in the past.

chocolate_dream

I have thought aspergers too. I have actually asked my gp to refer me for tests. He said as I'm an adult highly unlikely the psychiatrist would take it up as I am living my life normally and anyway the diagnosis is subjective, that there are medical studies to suggest that everyone can go through aspergers like phases, though you are right in that it has crossed my mind. At the same time I have to relate to what the doctor said, that I think there have been short phases of my life when I haven't felt like this and have found social situations easier.

chocolate_dream

Also, I don't seem to be genuinely interested in anything, I really do mean that literally. I try to go to badminton or dance class or swimming but drop out as I just can't get enjoyment out of it. I think that's a big part of the problem,. I can't be interested in anything but although I have tried to force myself to be it just doesn't seem to work.

spidersandsprinkles

This really does sound like a form of depression which can really affect your lack of interest in your social life and hobbies. Please return to your GP and be adamant that he helps you with a solution. Do not leave without having a chance to explain yourself and some advice/treatment choices. Good luck.