new mummy friend

an9i77

This feels like a dating situation but it's not! Basically I recently had a baby, none of my other friends have babies so I've been open to the idea of making new mummy friends.

I went to a baby activity class for a few months but had to stop because of returning to work. Got chatting to one of the other mums, who's got a little boy similar age to mine . Anyway at the last class I said let's swap numbers and go for a coffee. So we did, and we met up for a coffee before xmas. I had a really nice time and we got on well, did some window shopping together and we said we should do this again blah blah blah.

Anyway it's been about a month now, and I'm not sure whether to contact her again and try and arrange something similar. I did text her once to ask when the new class times were as my partner is now taking my son to the class, she replied but she's not reciprocated by trying to arrange another coffee date or anything.

I'm not sure whether to try and arrange another meeting up for coffee thing, or just leave it, because I don't want to feel like I'm pestering her, but also I kind of feel like as I arranged the first meeting it's her turn now! I guess I don't wanna feel like I'm making a load of effort for someone who isn't bothered!

What would you do? Part of me feels like I shouldn't be striving to try and 'make' a friend, as friendships should evolve naturally and reciprocally, the other part of me thinks well I don't know any other mums in this area, and we got on well, so I should get in touch again.

Caroline73_2

Just send a text, maybe she's a bit shy. Give it a bit of effort and if you feel like you're doing all the running then stop then. She's probably thinking you were nice but doesn't know if you liked her!

candygirl

Deffo text her, otherwise you'll never know hun:D:D

fluffnutter

You're over-thinking it, lovey. All friendships need a bit of effort and what's to lose by texting again or, even better, calling? She's busy, she's just had a baby, her lack of reciprocation means nothing, particularly as you haven't actually said 'Want to meet up?'. If someone texted me with a question, I'd probably just answer that question especially if I'm up to my elbows in baby. She's not a mind-reader. She doesn't know that 'What time are the new classes?' actually means 'What time are the new classes? Fancy meeting for coffee some time?'.

Don't worry about whether friendships should evolve naturally, or not. Dropping someone a quick call to see if they want to meet up is hardly striving too hard and it's silly to think you need to rigidly 'take it in turns'. If, further down the line, you're the one always arranging things then have a re-think but at the moment I think you're jumping the gun. I think you're fretting too much about whether you'll appear desperate or not. Relax, call her and go and have a good time.

flutterby_lil

Maybe she's just been busy or child poorly. Give her a text, if she doesn't reply within a few days then you have your answer.

PurpleMunchkin

Definitely text her !! Its really hard starting up new friednships when you have had a baby so i say go for it :j

When my DD was about a year old i met another new mummy at a couple of baby activities and got on well. Then one day i saw her in a supermarket carpark and i ummed and ahhed about whether to go up and say hello. Finally i did and straight away we arrange a proper play date and over the course of about 3 years she became one of my closest friends - until she emigrated last year:(

curlytop12

and get on your local "netmums.com" site

an9i77

I prob am over thinking it and don't want to appear desperate. But we got on really well before, so I guess that means I can stick my neck out again. I guess I am a bit shy and it took a lot of effort to initiate the whole meeting up thing in the first place. I suppose I can be the one to take the intiative a bit longer but if it's always gonna be me doing all the running then I would resent that, so there's only so long I could take that for. I've got other friends where that's happened, and it makes you feel like sh11t so those kind of people are not really my friends anymore. But I've not long known this person, so I guess she deserves a chance!

Threebabes

I would text too. Nothing to loose. x

bigmomma051204

Hiya - yeah, give her a txt! Worst she can do is say no.... and as u dont see her anymore, she will at least feel able to say no and u'll get a more honest gauge of whether she wants to be friends or not

Also, maybe try and get out to some other groups.... there are sure to be other baby/toddler groups locally where u can meet some other mums Google and see if u have a local childrens centre who will be able to provide you with either groups that they run or at the very least will be able to point you in the right direction. If u havent got one, try contacting ur local county council and ask them if they have a team who can give you the info of all local groups - ours is called family information service. Or failing all that, its worth having a look on the local village hall/church hall/town hall notice boards as they are sure to have something going on! You could also try asking ur health visitor if u ever see them! :A

fluffnutter

an9i77 wrote: »

I prob am over thinking it and don't want to appear desperate. But we got on really well before, so I guess that means I can stick my neck out again. I guess I am a bit shy and it took a lot of effort to initiate the whole meeting up thing in the first place. I suppose I can be the one to take the intiative a bit longer but if it's always gonna be me doing all the running then I would resent that, so there's only so long I could take that for. I've got other friends where that's happened, and it makes you feel like sh11t so those kind of people are not really my friends anymore. But I've not long known this person, so I guess she deserves a chance!

You're allowing previous hurtful experiences to colour this one. You've no evidence that she's this kind of person. Realise that you're a bit sensitive because of previous let-downs and text her with an open mind.