bridesmaid to bestfriend, buying my dress and she would like money as a gift

melb

why don't people just want family and friends to come and help them celebrate their happy day without making them feel they have to pay for their day out either in gifts or money. The tradition of buying a wedding gift was for 2 people setting up home for the first time and having nothing with which to do it so a toaster was a godsend! The other thing i don't understand is why grown women and men in their twenties and thirties earning good salaries would expect their parents to pay for the wedding.

minerva_windsong

I have to say I don't really like giving money either, because of the worry that it won't be used for a specific purchase and will instead just get absorbed into everyday life. I'd much rather give vouchers as they've got the flexibility of the recipient using them for what they want but also having to spend them in a certain shop.

In this scenario, I'd go with your original idea and get them something you think they'll like. That isn't normally a tactic I'd recommend unless it's a close friend or a close relative, but if she's your best friend then presumably you know her and her fiance well enough to make a good choice of gift. Even if they might not explicitly want 'stuff' I think you'd have to be a pretty harsh person not to appreciate a friend going to the effort to get you something you'd really love. If you know where they're going on honeymoon or which company they're going with then getting them holiday vouchers or buying them a meal out/day trip might be an idea as well.

In terms of the budget, obviously that's up to you and what you want to and can spend, but of the four weddings I went to last year my OH and I spent £20 on one of his uni friends, £30 each on my cousin and his school friend (he's closer to the school friend than the uni friend) and £50 on his sister.

victory

I agree money is not something I prefer, it seem impersonal and not thought of at all so as been said find out if you can contribute towards their honeymoon by giving them a fab first night dinner or flowers in their room or champs and chocs or strawberries or what are their hobbies? Maybe a giftcard for plants for their house? A voucher for a trip to the cinema when they get back? Buy some tickets for their fav day out/show/gig?

LisaB85

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

When it comes to presents (of whatever kind) it's the person giving the present who should decide what's appropriate!

I don't agree with that, at Christmas I give the whole family a list of things I would like my grandad refuses to use the list and has ended up giving things people don't want and don't like who then have to pretend to like it but in reality it gets shoved at the back of the wardrobe.

It is really hard to get away with ignoring a wish list and end up successful, my aunt can manage it but we like similar things.

DaisyFlower

Given how they have been together for such a short period, I wouldnt spend a lot on a gift and perhaps just get a nice bottle of wine.

I cant believe how many people now expect guests to provide the dresses etc, if you cant afford the wedding you want then just simply pop and pay the registry office fee instead of putting the cost onto others.

bouncing_bubbles

Thank you for all your replys.

OK I get a say in style of dress but not in colour - it has to be in pale pink - which I never wear because it makes me look drained. So Im unlikly to wear it again.

They have paid for wedding and hunnymoon - its all booked and paid for. So I think money will be used for everyday life.

Im in the process of buying my first house, im single and 24 so things will be tight.

The thoughts behind the chocs and champers was that it would help them get through opening the presents - I thought of it before she said they would like money. I would also be able to get champers and chocs on offer.

I feel money as a gift is like saying I think your worth £x

I intended to make a montage type thing of pics from the wedding and pics of the two of us, and decorate a lamp and shade in her wedding colours and to get two champange flutes engraved with her name, his name and the date of the wedding. But hoped some savy money savers would have some extra ideas.

Poppy9

Traditioally wedding gifts were given to help a couple set up home together. All donations were gratefully accepted from a tea towel to a toaster.

When I married 25 years ago it wasn't even acceptable to ask for a particular colour scheme for towels or bedding.

A gift is just that a gift. Money is not a gift it's a cash donation. They have can obviously afford a honeymoon as they must have already booked as you cannot book on the hope you will get enough cash from guests (technically paying guests)!


If the happy couple have all they need for their home then they should tells guest this. They should not ask for money instead, no matter how pushed - it's bad manners! Some guests will probably give a gift (or voucher) anyway but it should not be expected.

burnoutbabe

can you sell the dress on via ebay etc.

bouncing_bubbles

Thanks Poppy. Thats my thing. They chose how they want the wedding as they should (parents on both sides are contributing) theyve chosen the holiday (2 weeks in the USA). If they cant afford it then maybe they should have delayed it a bit or cut back a bit.

If I ever get married im going to ask guests to be involved in the Big day - i.e. a good friend who is amazing with cakes will make my cake, another makes dresses (obvs i will pay her), brother will takes, one friend who has a lovley Jag will provide my transport, some will help with name places and table decs etc if people dont want to then thats cool but id rather that than presents.

Thanks burn out babe - I didnt think of that.

GracieP

Poppy9 wrote: »

If the happy couple have all they need for their home then they should tells guest this. They should not ask for money instead, no matter how pushed - it's bad manners! Some guests will probably give a gift (or voucher) anyway but it should not be expected.

The OP's friend didn't ask for money though. The OP asked her what she wanted and her friend answered her. While I think it's extremely rude for anyone to ask for anything as a gift based on an assumption of receiving one, I don't see anything wrong with being honest about what you'd like if someone offers you a gift.

I also think it's a bit weird to ask someone what they would like if you are then going to completely ignore them, based on the fact that you wanted to make them smile. If that was the case you'd give them what you know they wanted as that's what would make them smile.

OP, I think part of your problem is that you can't spend a lot and there is no way of doing anything with a small amount of cash in order to make it appear more generous. How about talking to a few of your mutual friends and you can all contribute an amount into an envelope and then give that to your friend from the group of you, so she never knows what each individual person gave.