bridesmaid to bestfriend, buying my dress and she would like money as a gift

BugglyB

Is she not your best friend? I very much doubt they would even notice if you didnt get them a gift.

If it was me I would have the following conversation with her - they sometimes call it a poo sandwich, where you say something nice, then the thing you dont want to say, then something else nice:

I am so excited about the wedding. I love my dress so much. I can't wait to see you walk down the aisle.

I hope you dont mind, but I will struggle to afford to get you a gift, or give you any money as a gift

On the plus side, this gives me more money to spend on the hen do, which I'm really excited about, and will be amazing! What did you decide about your hair/flowers/dj...etc....

Little_Moo

I recently got married in December and as my boyfriend and I had lived together for 4 years we had all the house hold things we could need, so we also asked for money or a charity donation for our wedding gift.

A couple of our guests, gave us money in the currency of the country where we planned to go on honeymoon, which is a thoughtful way to give money.

One bridesmaid, made us handmade fudge and chocolates as well as a small donation to a charity she knew we supported.

Another gift I received that was very thoughtful was from one of my bridesmaids who gave me a frame signed inside by all our wedding guests, complete with pictures from the day. This was something I didn't ask for but appreciated even more if anything.

shebangs

.......................................

babymoo

Give them an IOU and when theyve booked honeymoon find out where n call n leave champagne in their room with some chocs?

*Louise*

narabanekeater wrote: »

As she had said she was paying we have now booked a family holiday so ive no money for this £300+ outfit.

Im a very honest person and have told her that and that the reason I can no longer be her bridesmaid is that I cannot afford to be and were barley talking now and one of the other bridesmaids is the same.

.

How much?? :eek::eek:


I nearly choked on my cuppa when I read that. And she has the cheek to not be speaking to YOU?

I wouldn't have been a bridesmaid for her either. Aside from the fact I think it's cheeky to ask someone to pay for their dress to be part of your wedding party, to expect someone to pay £300 is just ridiculous.

I didn't even pay that much for my own wedding dress :rotfl:

burnoutbabe

I'm sure all of us would prefer cash to a present on most occasions. birthdays and christmas's but then whats the point of it all? we just exchange cash with friends and 6 months later get the same cash back? bit daft.

I'd get them a bottle of something fizzy (if they drink) and then they don't know what you have spent - could be on offer, could be £40 posh one. The fact that they have spent more on their wedding and stretching themselves on their honeymoon, well its not the guests responsibility to cover that cost is it? May as well charge a general admission fee!

claire16c

burnoutbabe wrote: »

I'm sure all of us would prefer cash to a present on most occasions. birthdays and christmas's but then whats the point of it all? we just exchange cash with friends and 6 months later get the same cash back? bit daft.

You could say the same about champagne though. Ive got about 7 bottles in the kitchen, me and DH cant stand the stuff but people keep giving it to us! So it will probably get recycled for someone elses birthday, wedding etc who we either dont know well, or along with a gift as I dont think its a well thought out present by itself, if it was for someone who was a friend.

adamantine

i personally think its a cheek to ask for money for your wedding present. as do most of my family. well apart from the couple of members who had dishwashers and washing machines and £250 all singing all dancing irons on their wedding lists! then 2nd time round asked for money as they got everything they wanted before they cancelled their 1st wedding.

i always give a present even if its a set of crystal glasses or even just lovely towels for the bathroom.

claire16c

adamantine wrote: »

i personally think its a cheek to ask for money for your wedding present. as do most of my family. well apart from the couple of members who had dishwashers and washing machines and £250 all singing all dancing irons on their wedding lists! then 2nd time round asked for money as they got everything they wanted before they cancelled their 1st wedding.

i always give a present even if its a set of crystal glasses or even just lovely towels for the bathroom.

I thought it was weird people putting expensive stuff like that on gift lists but someone once told me the shop gave them 10% off on any item that wasnt ordered by guests, so I think thats sometimes why those type of items are on there. They dont necessarily think people will get them for them, they just put it on there to get the discount.

I would not buy someone a present for their house if they already live together though and ask for money. Whose to say they dont already have stacks of whatever youre buying them? I would see that as a waste of my money.

pukkamum

My bridesmaid bought her own dress (she knew we were on a very tight budget) we asked for no presents but contributions towards honeymoon spends if people wanted to gift us something would be gladly recieved, but did not expect anything at all (we knew a few of our friends were just as broke as us) but i told her i absolutely did not expect anything, she, however gave us £50 and i was over the moon, we had been together 10 yrs and had everything we needed.
I had a friend who didn't agree with this and gave us a present instead, completely respect her choice and view but it was something we didn't need or want and i know it was costly but the money would have been so much more useful as her gift was really a waste and i felt guilty that she had wasted her money.