do you put a gift list in with evening invites?

White_Sapphire

duchy wrote: »

It's all personal..............There are some brides (and grooms ) who genuinely wouldn't care if not a single guest brought them a gift and it is all about sharing their day............and there are others whose reaction would be anything from slightly miffed to mortally offended if a guest didn't give them a wedding gift.

Oh and I loathe those poems too and on principle won't give money as a gift in those circumstances but don't have any problems with a list even if some of the items are vouchers-although I do think it's classier to put it on a website along with useful things like directions -available hotels etc and just enclose a slip of paper with the link to it on there.
Part of my problem with the money thing is when I worked at a travel agent and they had asked to be gifted money for a holiday and we held the list-some of the brides wanted to know who had contributed how much and made various comments about who was generous and who was stingy in the middle of the shop -Talk about tacky-made my skin crawl.

:eek: That's awful!!! FWIW we are having a honeymoon registry; not sure how best to set it up yet, but we have already booked flights and accommodation (with our own money, NOT on the assumption that people will give us the money!) .We can afford a basic honeymoon, and if no-one contributes we will still have a fantastic time, but it would be nice to make things a bit more special, given that it's probably going to be the last big holiday before children. If people can only give £5 then we will thank them as sincerely and as gratefully as if they gave £50, and enjoy whatever it is we spend that gift on.

We will also have a small traditional gift list to upgrade a few things for the home, for people who prefer to go the traditional route.

If we get nothing at all, we will have a brilliant wedding with the people we love, a lovely honeymoon in a country neither of us has been to before, and fantastic memories of our day. Everything else is extras.

melancholly

duchy wrote: »

Part of my problem with the money thing is when I worked at a travel agent and they had asked to be gifted money for a holiday and we held the list-some of the brides (and mothers of the bride) wanted to know who had contributed how much and made various comments about who was generous and who was stingy in the middle of the shop -Talk about tacky-made my skin crawl.

i'd like to think just being plain rude like that is entirely independent of whether you have a wedding/honeymoon list!! i suppose it takes all sorts....? just glad i don't often interact with people like that very often.

pearly77

I wouldn't include a gift list with the evening invites

burnoutbabe

Idiophreak wrote: »

It's interesting that you view it as them being "excluded" from the wedding rather than "included" in the reception. For most people these days the reception is just as big a cost, if not larger, than the wedding itself and as you're seemingly basing your decision whether to give or not on fairly brutal reciprocity, that should be considered.

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I assume they mean the evening reception, which isn't the same cost as the daytime wedding breakfast. I've been to a few evening one's where we have been offered nothing - ie no buffet and drinks are paid for by us at the bar etc

So generally i'd not expect a gift list in the invite, and would take a £10 token for say debenhams. they can include it on the wedding website and a link to that in the card if they wanted to.

Idiophreak

burnoutbabe wrote: »

I assume they mean the evening reception, which isn't the same cost as the daytime wedding breakfast. I've been to a few evening one's where we have been offered nothing - ie no buffet and drinks are paid for by us at the bar etc

So generally i'd not expect a gift list in the invite, and would take a £10 token for say debenhams. they can include it on the wedding website and a link to that in the card if they wanted to.

I think you missed the broader point of my post.

Yes, I've been to some weddings where the evening folks didn't get much. I've also been to weddings when they were very well catered for. The point I was making was that you shouldn't give someone a gift in exchange for the amount of money they spend on you...you should give them a gift to celebrate the start of their new life together and to thank them for letting you share in their day.

Idiophreak

vintage_beanpole wrote: »

It is already costly to attend a wedding. The likelihood is that the majority of people at your wedding are there because they feel obliged to go, because they couldn't think of a good enough excuse to give you, or because their mother has said that they must (trust me on that last one). The number of weddings that I have been to where I've hung vaguely drunk around some ornate blasted fountain whilst wishing I was somewhere, anywhere, else...

Do you do everything your mummy wants you to?

If you don't want to go, don't go. I really don't think any bride and groom will miss someone that doesn't want to be there, views bringing a gift as being "crass", gets drunk at their expense and then hangs around the fountain all night. I don't think anyone planning a wedding actually wants to spend money one someone who doesn't want to be there.

I really don't think you're in the majority on this one. Most people take joy in their friends' and family's happiness. We like to celebrate with them, we like to take an interest in their lives and we even take an interest in (at least the first couple of hundred) holiday snaps.

I presume, given your attitude to your friends, they're not the "sort of people who would send such an invite" - because they're imaginary.

74jax

vintage_beanpole wrote: »

It is already costly to attend a wedding. The likelihood is that the majority of people at your wedding are there because they feel obliged to go, because they couldn't think of a good enough excuse to give you, or because their mother has said that they must (trust me on that last one). The number of weddings that I have been to where I've hung vaguely drunk around some ornate blasted fountain whilst wishing I was somewhere, anywhere, else...

Only a small proportion are there because they actually want to see you tie the knot (usually relatives and close friends). The majority couldn't care less if you remain simply cohabitees or if you actually are joined together by law. Or if you decide to have two children or three children. Or if you think that you might both instead throw yourselves off in a bungee embrace to prove your love. It affects them not.

To the person above who has 300 people attending their wedding but cannot afford a honeymoon. Did it not occur to you to have a smaller wedding and pay your own way?

Please note that the general sentiment of this post also applies to viewing your holiday snaps.

:eek: I can't believe you have that sentiment.

We have around 25 attending the ceremony, all very close friends who have been so excited and wanting to help there is no way they are attending 'because they can not get out of it'

I can not believe you would even invite someone who would attend only because they can't think of an excuse NOT too.

I turned down a work colleagues wedding because I didn't want to go. What did I say 'unfortunately I can not make it' she now invite someone she does want there and who wants to be there.

As for the 300 guests and no honeymoon, maybe having them there was more important than a honeymoon?

vintage_beanpole

Idiophreak wrote: »

Do you do everything your mummy wants you to?

Always :A

But I apologise profusely, I posted in the wrong thread - I had two open at the same time and the other was about putting bank details in your invitation to fund your honeymoon. Silly me.

Of course one should give a gift. As for gift lists, I've never been too keen on the idea of sending them out unless they're asked for. But I don't think it's terrible. I think it does however put an end to the meaningful type gifts; people will think that you wouldn't want them. Maybe you wouldn't.

Idiophreak wrote: »

I presume, given your attitude to your friends, they're not the "sort of people who would send such an invite" - because they're imaginary

Well, that's just rude. And I'm afraid I cannot agree with you on the subject of holiday snaps. Eugh.

MoneyMiser

We have sent out the evening invites with a poem about asking for a monetary gift and to be honest I don't feel bad about it at all.

In the poem it says "only if they want to" which basically gives them the option. If your going to a dinner party, you take a bottle of wine, if your going to a birthday party you take a present (or a card with money/voucher). Why should it be any different with a wedding?

No harm in asking is my opinion

MM