do you put a gift list in with evening invites?

Torry_Quine

JOHN1982 wrote: »

I know this subject has been done to death a little bit, but just out of interest (because we'll be doing it), why are the people that are against a gift list in an invite so against it?

Every wedding I've been to has had something in the invite. The past three have all said something along the lines of "Look, we've been together ages, so if you want to give us something, make it cash. But if you don't want to, don't fret, have a great time!"

If, as has been said, everyone is going to ask about gifts, why not pre-empt it?


To the OP: Nope, I wouldn't do it for evening invites (and won't be)!

I think it's the height of bad manners to send an invite with a list of what you want. You should be inviting people because you want them to share your special day and any gift is a bonus.

I buy what I think is a lovely gift because I want to not because I've been told what to get.

elliebobs

Hollie84 wrote: »

Ours will be going in with the invites,rather recieve something u will use and make the most of than to recieve something that will sit in its box or go to a charity shop as its unwanted

Sorry but this is sooo rude and grasping; and I would at least hope that your demand for presents is presented grammatically better.

minerva_windsong

JOHN1982 wrote: »

I know this subject has been done to death a little bit, but just out of interest (because we'll be doing it), why are the people that are against a gift list in an invite so against it?

I think to me it feels a bit presumptuous - I'm not saying anyone is putting a gift list in with their invites just to get presents, but equally I wouldn't want anyone to feel that they had to get us anything or could only get us certain things. To me a gift list is a 'nice to have' rather than a 'must have' list, and I would fully understand people choosing to go off-list or even just give cash or vouchers, or just a card, or nothing, but sending the list with the card has a slight feeling that I would be pressuring people into getting me certain things. Sacrilegious as it feels to go against Martin's view I think that if a couple can't afford to invite people then they shouldn't invite them full stop, rather than trying to get the money back in the value of the gift, and that guests have enough to fork out at weddings - transport, hotels, outfits etc - without feeling like they have to get gifts on top (although equally I don't mean to sound ungrateful for anything anyone might choose to buy me if I were getting married). I would rather have no gifts and everyone I wanted at my wedding there than only a few people but everyone bringing a gift.

I also have to admit I don't get the time argument - for the guest it's a five minute phone call/email/text message, and modern technology is such that the couple or their parents (certainly in my family the older relatives and probably my aunts and uncles would ask my parents what my OH and I wanted if we were getting married) can tell everyone in one text or email.

But that's my view and I don't really mind if other people do or don't include the gift list with the invites - it's entirely a personal decision, but personally it's not something I would do.

USM

It's a completely rude and tasteless thing to do. Some of our guests are travelling thousands of miles and at best, local guests are paying decent money to stay the night.

You're not entitled to a gift, its a nice gesture - if people want to know your preference they will ask.

melancholly

although a lot of MSErs get very offended by gift lists, in my experience, most people just include details with the invite, at least to the full day. perhaps leave them out of the evening invites, but as long as it's phrased politely, do whatever is easiest for you! most lists we've received say something like we know it's expensive to come and we really don't expect gifts at all, but here's a list for anyone who wants it. as long as you make it clear you're not expecting anything, it really is fine (and i think all of the last 5 or 6 weddings we've been too have had them - maybe all my friends are just rude and tasteless, or maybe wedding etiquette has just changed )

it's practical and, for lots of us, really quite useful rather than feeling like you're bothering the couple or having to get something without a list.

Hollie84

elliebobs wrote: »

Sorry but this is sooo rude and grasping; and I would at least hope that your demand for presents is presented grammatically better.

We arnt asking for gifts i was saying in general we are doing the wishing well poems

Hollie84

elliebobs wrote: »

Sorry but this is sooo rude and grasping; and I would at least hope that your demand for presents is presented grammatically better.

O and just to add were all entitled to views and input but i will do whatever i please whether u or anyone thinks its wrong or rude i couldnt care less i was answering in my own opinion and views what the other person asked as she is asking for advice on the subject i dont expect to be judged on how i word something or not and yes it will be worded much better as its going to be a poem like i said in my other post

stir_crazy

I personally dont think its rude to put in a gift list, but we wont have one so I'm not putting anything in with the invitations. As much as people think its presumptious, I would never dream of turning up to someone's wedding without a gift so its handy to have the list for some ideas.

JOHN1982

melancholly wrote: »

although a lot of MSErs get very offended by gift lists, in my experience, most people just include details with the invite...

Pretty much exactly how I feel about it!

RainbowDrops

General consensus (nixing the people who are offended by gift requests altogether) always seem to be against putting gift lists in evening invites.
Logically thinking, evening guests often "incur" the same costs as a day guest (eg, new outfit, transport, accomadation) but don't get the whole days worth, and dont get the main meal & drinks.

As the OP is asking for money, I think it's a definate no for evening guests - you're practically asking them to pay to attend the end of your wedding day!
If you have generous evening guests, they might ask about gifts, and then you could explain why you don't have a list.