do you put a gift list in with evening invites?

jtr2803

I would never put a guest list/poem or anything like it in an invite, regardless of whether it was a day one or not. I don't send a list to all my relatives at Christmas telling them what I would like them to buy me and I don't see a wedding as any different.

I'd also be incredibly grateful for ANY gift a guest bought us and wouldn't dream of describing it as 'junk I don't need', if someone has taken the time to choose it, wrap it and bring it then I will darn well appreciate it.

I don't actually have a problem with giving the bride & groom money towards a honeymoon etc if that's what they would like but I don't expect it to be assumed that I am contributing.

melancholly

jtr2803 wrote: »

I'd also be incredibly grateful for ANY gift a guest bought us and wouldn't dream of describing it as 'junk I don't need', if someone has taken the time to choose it, wrap it and bring it then I will darn well appreciate it.

having seen people get 10 'special' photo frames or 20 bottles of champagne, i'd go with a list myself! (20 bottles of champagne is lovely, but for people who don't drink much, it's not really ideal! i assume that many ended up being regifted, which would no doubt get a hysterical reaction from some people about how rude it is!)

a list prevents duplicates and a sensible list offers items at all kinds of prices (although personally, i always get in quick to make sure i buy something at my budget, rather than waiting until the list is half bought by other people!).

i dare you to appreciate 5 toasters - my bet is you'd be thinking how much better all round it would have been to have a list to avoid it!

poddle911

melancholly wrote: »

most lists we've received say something like we know it's expensive to come and we really don't expect gifts at all, but here's a list for anyone who wants it. as long as you make it clear you're not expecting anything, it really is fine (and i think all of the last 5 or 6 weddings we've been too have had them - maybe all my friends are just rude and tasteless, or maybe wedding etiquette has just changed )

OP, as you can see, people have strong opinions on the issue - it's really tricky!

I'm trying to make the decision about putting gift list details in with invitations at the moment - my instinct is not to.

I definitely wouldn't put a list in with an evening invitation or use a money poem (no matter how tasteful people think it is), but it's Melancholly's example above that I'm struggling with - if you GENUINELY aren't expecting gifts, then why put in a gift list?!

I agree that if people want to buy you a gift, they'll ask for a list. I guess this can be a pain if you're inviting lots of people, but I hope it will avoid any bad feeling.

(Sorry to chop your post Melancholly - i'm just using your friends as an example, not to single out your opinion )

I realise that sounds hypocritical btw I do expect people will want to buy us gifts (as I do when I go to weddings) so we will have some sort of giftlist for people who ask - I suppose it's just the presumption that I'm uncomfortable with... Maybe I should just get over myself!

joess

Can't add whether you should or shouldn't. I personally wouldn't but I wouldn't mind if I received one either! (double standards!) BUT we did get this in an invite the other day and I thought it was quite a nice way of asking for money!

Dear Guest:

Unsure in our minds
of what we may need
not wanting to offend
or show any greed
we have the essentials
whilst living in sin
a kettle a toaster
and even a bread bin
so a small monetary gift
is what we desire
to replace our essentials
when the others expire

Olokia

I don't think I am going to put a mention of the gift list inside the invites for the evening guests, BUT there will be a mention of the wedding website where there will be a link to the gift list. For the day guests, I will be putting the gift list number on an information card.

I think it is very rude to turn up to a wedding without a gift. I was invited to the ceremony only part of a wedding and I never even thought for one second I would turn up without a gift. (Although I am inviting people from places like America and Asia and definitely would not want them to give a gift)

Also there is no point a guest wasting money on something that I have absolutely no need for. I have a new toaster, I don't need 5 more. If they don't like anything on the list then they can get me a gift voucher.

Idiophreak

I'd probably stick it in, yes. Or at least put it on the wedding website and include a link to the website on the invite.

I'm the complete opposite of everyone else on here - I find it really rude, these days, to receive an invite without some kind of indication as to what I should buy for the thing. Like I have nothing better to do than call people's parents to ask - and like their parents have nothing better to do than field the same question from 100 different people. It's not "being polite" these days, it's just being stupid and awkward. Rightly or wrongly, 99% of people going to a wedding *will* buy a present, no matter how many cutesy poems or carefully worded paragraphs there are to the contrary. Why not just make their life easier?

It seems so contradictory to say "we really appreciate the effort it takes to attend our wedding...the time and money it takes...but rather than just give you some information in plain English like an adult, here's a riddle for you to decipher...then there's a phone number to call...then you can get the list...then you can choose from the list"...gah! It just does my head in. I long for the day I receive an invitation with three simple words: "WE WANT CASH."

I don't want to seem ungrateful (a bit late now) and obviously I'm always honoured to receive an invite at all - but I really think we've evolved past all this formality. And I'm really quite nice about these things - there's a part of me that wants to buy a hideous nude figurine or a dozen value toasters for any couple that doesn't provide a gift list - but I'd never be that mean.

(and FWIW, I do give a list to my friends and family at Christmas, yes...and I get one off all of them. Everyone gets to know they've bought the other person something they want...it may not be "romantic", but it saves everyone a bunch of time and money)

jtr2803

Olokia wrote: »

I don't think I am going to put a mention of the gift list inside the invites for the evening guests, BUT there will be a mention of the wedding website where there will be a link to the gift list. For the day guests, I will be putting the gift list number on an information card.

I think it is very rude to turn up to a wedding without a gift. I was invited to the ceremony only part of a wedding and I never even thought for one second I would turn up without a gift. (Although I am inviting people from places like America and Asia and definitely would not want them to give a gift)

Also there is no point a guest wasting money on something that I have absolutely no need for. I have a new toaster, I don't need 5 more. If they don't like anything on the list then they can get me a gift voucher.

Really? I'm quite shocked by that. I would rather someone come and share a part of our special day than worry about a gift, not everyone can afford to do both these days (and not just those coming from abroad).

I am really quite stunned by some of the attitudes posted on this thread in all honesty, maybe I am in the minority but I thought the idea of inviting people was so that they get to see you cement your relationship and love for each other, not because they should bring gifts. I do appreciate that most guests would like to give a gift and that they would also like some idication of what would be useful or enjoyed by the bride and groom and again, I don't have a problem with that when it's done in a discreet manner. I'm really not trying to be argumental but it really is that simple to me!

JOHN1982

Idiophreak wrote: »

I long for the day I receive an invitation with three simple words: "WE WANT CASH."

I have two very good friends who, for their honeymoon, went travelling for a year. They sold the majority of their worldly goods and so, to avoid anyone buying them ANYTHING (as they'd just have to sell it!), the card in their invite pretty much said just that! It made perfect sense (like your post)!

jtr2803 wrote: »

I thought the idea of inviting people was so that they get to see you cement your relationship and love for each other, not because they should bring gifts.

If that really is the case, then there's no need to worry about presents, because there's no need for a reception.

Olokia

Olokia wrote: »

I think it is very rude to turn up to a wedding without a gift.

jtr2803 wrote: »

Really? I'm quite shocked by that.

Not just weddings, if I am invited anywhere that will cost someone else some money (BBQ's, parties) then I will always bring a gift (usually food/drink related). Exception for this (not weddings) is when its family.

jtr2803

JOHN1982 wrote: »

If that really is the case, then there's no need to worry about presents, because there's no need for a reception.

You have quoted me totally out of context in that respect. I don't deem a reception to be about the giving of gifts at all.