do you put a gift list in with evening invites?

becca0417

JOHN1982 wrote: »

If, however, it was a "You owe us this much for your meal" (which I've seen on here), I think that would be a different matter. Then I'd have to weight up how much being at the reception / evening mattered to me.

I would LOVE to put this in my invites and see reactions (I wouldn't really but it would be hilarious!):rotfl:

JOHN1982

becca0417 wrote: »

I would LOVE to put this in my invites and see reactions (I wouldn't really but it would be hilarious!):rotfl:

I know, right?! It was a serious thread on here, someone had been asked to pay for their meal at the reception (as had everyone).

If anyone watches "Don't Tell The Bride", I'd imagine the same sort of reaction as the fella that organised the wedding in New York and asked the wedding party for £500 each a week before the big day!

Sort of a mixture of this :mad::mad: and this :eek::eek:!

becca0417

I loved that one! So funny!

Callie22

joess wrote: »

Dear Guest:

Unsure in our minds
of what we may need
not wanting to offend
or show any greed
we have the essentials
whilst living in sin
a kettle a toaster
and even a bread bin
so a small monetary gift
is what we desire
to replace our essentials
when the others expire

Sorry ... but I think that's awful. These kinds of poems make me cringe, as I think that they're tacky, and they're usually so badly written. I think it's quite rude to infer to guests (i.e. people that you've invited to share your day) that somehow a gift that they've chosen won't meet your standards, so you just want cash from them. Also, I feel a bit uncomfortable with the idea that a guest might read something like this and then feel obliged to give cash that they maybe can't afford - I'd hate to think that someone's overwhelming memory of my wedding would be their worry about maing ends meet afterwards. I've been to weddings (Sikh, and Cypriot) where giving cash is part of the culture and somehow it's different, but with 'British' weddings we don't seem to have the knack of asking for cash without it coming over all mealy-mouthed.

I don't like gift lists anyway - if I ever got married then I'd quite clearly state on the invites that guests shouldn't worry about giving gifts or cash, they've been invited because we want to share our day with them and the important thing is their presence, not their presents!

Idiophreak

DaisyFlower wrote: »

I'd think it was very cheeky and grasping tbh, however i dont tend to go to weddings that ask for cash as its akin to charging an entry fee.

It's absolutely nothing like asking for an entry fee, whatsoever. An entry fee is mandatory, a gift, by definition, is not. We got married and went to America for a month and had the most fantastic time thanks to the generous gifts given to us by friends and family. We honestly had the best time of our lives and have so many memories we can treasure forever.

The idea some old biddy great aunt's sat at home going "well, they wanted cash...so I didn't go...I'd have gone if I could have given them a ****ing crepe maker" really makes me laugh.

Fine, OK, let's answer the usual comeback before it's raised...if I hadn't have been given cash as gifts...would I just have spent less on the wedding? So surely the gifts just subsidised the wedding, right? If I wasn't asking for cash, wouldn't I have done some things differently? God no. I had the perfect day exactly as I wanted it. I had the honeymoon I've always wanted and it was fantastic. If I'd not got a pound in gifts I'd have done just the same.

So, all those gifts were just a waste of money, right? Nope. We're going to finish clearing our wedding debt (another kettle of fish...yes, I got into debt for my wedding...shoot me now) a good 6 months sooner thanks to our gifts..which, in very real terms, means that we'll be financially secure 6 months sooner and, ultimately, will be able to start a family 6 months sooner. That to me seems like a pretty darn good gift. When asked the question: "would you rather have an extra 6 months watching your first child grow up, or 3 kettles, 2 toastie makers and 3 half sets of royal dalton crockery? (oh, and the crystal glasses, of course)" I'm fascinated by the people who say "oh wow, now my cheese and onion sarnies can be sealed round the edges!".

DaisyFlower wrote: »

Evening guests have already been excluded from the actual wedding so to then include a list stating what they should attend with is I think is very rude.

It's interesting that you view it as them being "excluded" from the wedding rather than "included" in the reception. For most people these days the reception is just as big a cost, if not larger, than the wedding itself and as you're seemingly basing your decision whether to give or not on fairly brutal reciprocity, that should be considered.

If you're concerned you're not going to get your money's worth, you'd be best served just going without a gift and scoring the reception from 1 to 10...then work out roughly how much you think it cost them for you to be there. Then multiply your 1 to 10 score by the cost then by "factor X" determined by your financial circumstances, the economic climate, your generosity and the relationship to the B&G and that gives you the commensurate value of their gift. Now you just need to find an ornamental watering can within that budget and job's a good 'un.

Callie22 wrote: »

Sorry ... but I think that's awful. These kinds of poems make me cringe, as I think that they're tacky, and they're usually so badly written....

...I don't like gift lists anyway - if I ever got married then I'd quite clearly state on the invites that guests shouldn't worry about giving gifts or cash, they've been invited because we want to share our day with them and the important thing is their presence, not their presents!

I quite agree with you on the poems, but then the presents/presence pun makes me cringe, too...I've seen that a fair few times

Anyway, I don't think you need to look further than this thread to realise that a large proportion of people consider it to be rude to attend a wedding without a gift - so no matter how much you tell people not to, they're always going to bring them. So the least you have to do is jot some things on a list and give it to your parents etc, even if you don't want a formalised gift list.

Hollie84

well said Idiophreak

ampafc

I think if this question was asked on the forum of another website, then less people would be against sending out a guest list.

I believe some of those so against sending out a guest list are so because they wouldn't want to spend a few £s on a present when they head out to an evening reception...which is fine of course. Personally, I always bring a present when invited during the day/night/both. I wouldn't feel right turning up with nothing - but that's just me. If any of our day or evening guests turn up without a present then i wouldn't be in the slightest bit upset or offended - however I think it's only fair that they have the option to pick something off a list if they want to get us something.

For that reason, we will be putting a little bit of paper with our invites showing the web link for our present list. I like this option when i'm invited to a wedding.

dawyldthing

my friend put one in asking for cash (which i think is extremely cheeky) so i just brought a small present as general i go by the principle 'you don't get everything what you ask for' plus shes on probably double what i earn

White_Sapphire

As a bride I feel a little uncomfortable with putting gift list details in the invites, but as a guest it doesn't bother me in the slightest!

Personally I would not include any gift list in evening invites at all. If guests especially want to get you something then fine, but I wouldn't want evening guests assuming that they are expected to get us anything.

As an attempt at compromise between being seen as cheeky and trying to make things easier, we are just putting our wedsite details on the invites, and all gift list info will be there. We will make clear that gifts are not expected.

As for the money issue, I don't like it when couples just ask for cash without any indication as to where it will be spent, but if it's for a specific thing, like furnishing a new home, excursions or nice meals on Honeymoon, then I'm quite happy with that.

anibell

We're not having a gift list because personally we don't agree with them and I've never been to wedding where the bride and groom have had one. Some people may disagree with me on this but I don't like people dictating what I should buy for them and most of my family and friends feel the same way.

Some relatives have asked us already if we have a gift list and I replied saying no, that we don't need anything, we just want you to come and celebrate our wedding with us We're getting married because we've found the person we want to share the rest of our lives with :j

In answer to OP's original question...no I would not put a gift list in the evening invites or any invites. If/When guests ask if you have one why not give them one then? I guess it's down to personal preference......