ex partner wants half my benefits for my son???

AnxiousMum

In all fairness to the NRP - they do have the one child ALMOST 50% of the time. So, in fairness to him, maybe do a 'would I qualify' test on HMRC's website - input his information - salary etc., and see what he would be entitled to in terms of tax credits etc. if he had the same child majority of the time. Think you'd find that he earns too much to be able to claim anything, and therefore, justifiably - not entitled either to half of your benefits!
Means tested benefits are based solely on the household income - if yours means YOU qualify....doesn't automatically mean that the NRP qualifies.

duchy

I really don't know if I'm more exasperated with PWC or NRPs sometimes.

I was a PWC and due to my son's special needs and needing me around more than the "average" child my employment was limited although I worked consistently they were/are jobs well below what I could be earning.

We didn't particually want to use the CSA and we had a private agreement (based on the CSA figures) until the ex got a new girlfriend who encouraged him to not pay (she wanted him to change access arrangements to suit her-he saw him every weekend and to use not paying as a lever-totally repugnent-especially as she was also a single parent with a son similar to my son's with the SAME disability). I had no intention of getting pulled into those sort of stupid games so simply opened a CSA claim -which resolved that -my ex has a high level job and an attachment of earnings would have been a professional embarassment. I didn't argue with him -I simply told him if he chose not to support his son he left me no choice. As it turned out he was slightly underpaying under the private arrangement so ended up worse off once the CSA had done the assessment.

So I can understand why some PWC for the sake of not having an ex making life unpleasent agree to private arrangements-however I also feel that a private arrangement should be equal to the CSA assessment otherwise they are depriving their children of a certain standard of living so have a responsibility to claim what the family is entitled to.If a NRP can't treat his children decently financially then let the CSA intervene-that's what they are there for. CSA assessments aren't punative and cost the NRP less than living with the children would -and acknowledge their responsibility to their children.

NRPs pay less in support the more they participate in their kid's lives -to be demanding a share of the benefits paid to the children's PWC especially when already not supporting their children to the CSA level is simply utterly selfish and in most cases to do with how they feel about the PWC and has nothing to do with having concern for their children and is depriving them. Both PWC and NRP have a responsibility to be parents and put their kids first ! Regardless of how they feel about the other parent !

In answer to your question -What should you do?
Open a CSA claim -and tell your ex to go right on ahead if he wants to contact the housing department -your home is your son's main residence so you are on the correct bedroom allowance. He's just trying to bully and intimidate you-and you owe it to your kids to not let him do it.

looby75

AnxiousMum wrote: »

In all fairness to the NRP - they do have the one child ALMOST 50% of the time. So, in fairness to him, maybe do a 'would I qualify' test on HMRC's website - input his information - salary etc., and see what he would be entitled to in terms of tax credits etc. if he had the same child majority of the time. Think you'd find that he earns too much to be able to claim anything, and therefore, justifiably - not entitled either to half of your benefits!
Means tested benefits are based solely on the household income - if yours means YOU qualify....doesn't automatically mean that the NRP qualifies.

no they don't the NRP had him for 43.5 hours a week according to the OP, from 6pm to 8.30am 3 nights a week. Thats nowhere near half the week.

thefuturemrsjohnson wrote: »

so no, his father works full time, he comes for him at 6pm for over night, the nights he is there, drops him off for 8;30am at school and goes to work. he hasnt taken any holidays this last year, apparently, so hasnt had time off in the school hold to take care of him then too.

OP as others have said don't worry about it he hasn't got a leg to stand on.

Sixer

OP: if I'm reading correctly, your ex is looking after your son in your house? So surely, the physical expenses are all yours? Food? Light? Heat? Rent?

bestpud

duchy wrote: »

I really don't know if I'm more exasperated with PWC or NRPs sometimes.

I was a PWC and due to my son's special needs and needing me around more than the "average" child my employment was limited although I worked consistently they were/are jobs well below what I could be earning.

We didn't particually want to use the CSA and we had a private agreement (based on the CSA figures) until the ex got a new girlfriend who encouraged him to not pay (she wanted him to change access arrangements to suit her-he saw him every weekend and to use not paying as a lever-totally repugnent-especially as she was also a single parent with a son similar to my son's with the SAME disability). I had no intention of getting pulled into those sort of stupid games so simply opened a CSA claim -which resolved that -my ex has a high level job and an attachment of earnings would have been a professional embarassment. I didn't argue with him -I simply told him if he chose not to support his son he left me no choice. As it turned out he was slightly underpaying under the private arrangement so ended up worse off once the CSA had done the assessment.

So I can understand why some PWC for the sake of not having an ex making life unpleasent agree to private arrangements-however I also feel that a private arrangement should be equal to the CSA assessment otherwise they are depriving their children of a certain standard of living so have a responsibility to claim what the family is entitled to.If a NRP can't treat his children decently financially then let the CSA intervene-that's what they are there for. CSA assessments aren't punative and cost the NRP less than living with the children would -and acknowledge their responsibility to their children.

NRPs pay less in support the more they participate in their kid's lives -to be demanding a share of the benefits paid to the children's PWC especially when already not supporting their children to the CSA level is simply utterly selfish and in most cases to do with how they feel about the PWC and has nothing to do with having concern for their children and is depriving them. Both PWC and NRP have a responsibility to be parents and put their kids first ! Regardless of how they feel about the other parent !

In answer to your question -What should you do?
Open a CSA claim -and tell your ex to go right on ahead if he wants to contact the housing department -your home is your son's main residence so you are on the correct bedroom allowance. He's just trying to bully and intimidate you-and you owe it to your kids to not let him do it.

PWC gain all the way though, as the child maintenance isn't counted for benefit purposes. Therefore they receive the same level of income as a family without that maintenance and are not going without.

I can see how that grates when the PWC moves on their next bloke on the list and baby number 4 (3rd father) is on the way.

But, as said, the PWC gets all the rights so no point any of us worrying how the ex-partner will manage while they live it up with money from all angles.

duchy

Live it up ?

Chance would be a fine thing :rotfl::rotfl:

Do you not have kids by any chance ? If you did you'd realize that most parents single or otherwise don't have that luxury -but don't let that stop you sterotyping all single parents !

AnxiousMum

looby75 wrote: »

no they don't the NRP had him for 43.5 hours a week according to the OP, from 6pm to 8.30am 3 nights a week. Thats nowhere near half the week.



OP as others have said don't worry about it he hasn't got a leg to stand on.

I guess my sarcasm was lost in the post

OP - YOU are the primary caregiver....BUT......to point out that it is YOU and YOUR financial situation which means you (and therefore your children) qualify for these benefits, do a quick calculation to see what the NRP would be entitled to - bet it isn't much if anything! You can then use that to justify why the benefits are yours - it is after all, YOU that is entitled to them.

melly1980

Im sorry but if you look after the child as a 50/50 split then neither parent should owe the other anything. In addition, surely any benefits for that child should be also split 50/50 since the father is providing for the child as well.

looby75

melly1980 wrote: »

Im sorry but if you look after the child as a 50/50 split then neither parent should owe the other anything. In addition, surely any benefits for that child should be also split 50/50 since the father is providing for the child as well.

but the OP's ex doesn't have the child 50/50

clearingout

melly1980 wrote: »

Im sorry but if you look after the child as a 50/50 split then neither parent should owe the other anything. In addition, surely any benefits for that child should be also split 50/50 since the father is providing for the child as well.

Having a child from 6:30pm to 8 am the next morning, 3 nights a week is no where near 50/50.

But even if it was a genuine split of 50/50 on this child, saying 'nothing at all is owed' without going into further detail is ridiculous. Much depends on mum and dad's respective incomes, their essential outgoings (rent, utilities, travel to work) and whether or not they are able to communicate effectively so that the child-related costs are genuinely split down the middle. I went through a period of 'shared-care' with my ex having 3 nights a week but he earns at least 4 times what I do (and wouldnt' be entitled to Tax Credit on this basis) and refused to pay any childcare, school uniform, hair cuts, shoes, school dinners etc. etc. I couldn't keep a roof over our heads let alone pay for everything else. There is nothing 'shared' about that - just one half of a former couple excercising an enormous amount of practical, emotional and financial pressure on the other half. I don't expect my life to be the same standard it was pre-separation - but I do expect that to 'share' care of our children, we are able to achieve some kind of balance. What the OP has described is way, way off balance.