Resisting the URG to Spend Whilst Getting My Life Back

Buffythedebtslayer

Just checking in to see how you are doing Lovely Urg xxxxxx
thinking of you xx

urg123

In fact the news is pretty bad... Dad has been diagnosed with advanced cancer. He starts chemo next week but they aren't working towards cure but rather to try to push back the cancer and improve his quality of life.

It's sh*t. Dad's being brave and postiive. He has faith and seems to be drawing on that. We called family to tell them today which was hard - family were lovely but wanted more answers that we have.

Hubby has a hearing at work this week - we're being helped by a good friend of mine and as long as DH can keep calm - I think he will be well prepared. We will have to wait for the outcome to decide on what the next step to take.

Neither of these things are happening to me directly, but to people I love dearly and all I can think is why me!!! I've been on the verge of tears most of the day. i'm sure its mixed with hormones too.

None of this is focused on money - I am worried about that too. We've hardly bought anything for the baby and if DH loses his job things I'll have to re-think what we buy for the baby and even my maternity leave.

I'm pretty exhausted - work tomorrow. IN some ways - it's good to have something to take my mind off things.

Hope you are all doing okay.

urg x x

GreyhoundAngel

Ohhh hun, I'm so very very sorry to hear the news of your dads illness. I hate cancer, its a nasty thing. If you don't mind me asking .... what cancer does he have ?

My dad had bowl cancer, & when he was first diagnosed they chose not to operate (the more expensive option) and put him onto chemo & pills. It went into remission for a short time, but then came back with a vengeance & very aggressively. At which stage he was beyond the point of them being able to operate, so all that could be done was make him comfortable.

I made the decision to care for him myself, at home. I didn't want him spending whatever time he had left - in a hospital or similar ... no matter how nice they might be. I knew he'd prefer to be in his own home, surrounded by his own things, with people who loved him.

I'm sure that his faith kept him going and gave him comfort during that time. I'm equally sure that he made the choice to move on when it was time.

I'm sorry that you also have the job issue hanging over you at such a hard time. Sounds like he's got good help with it, hopefully it will resolve itself favorably.

Will be thinking of you & your family at this time :A
Take care & remember to take some time for yourself too.

Angel xx

taxi73

Am so sorry to hear how overwhelming things are at the moment and especially the news of your Dad xx big hugs

urg123

Thanks GA and Taxi,
I do have to say the NHS have been briliant - he has already started his chemo treatment and will be in hospital this weekend. We'll be running back and forth this weekend. I realised how lucky we were yesterday when we met a lovely gentleman in dad's bay who didn't have family. He was grateful that we included him in our chats.

Was hoping to have a lie in today as have been very tired but the sunlight keeps waking me up. Think I'm going to research blackout blinds/curtains. May also reada bit of baby book I borrowed from the library.

Hope you are all okay.

Urg x

taxi73

take it easy xxxxxxxxxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Oh Urg

I am so so sorry.

I haven't been around much and but want you to know that I am sending you love

Love Buffy xx

chevalier

urg so sorry to hear about your dad. That is so tough to deal with when you are pregnant as well. And then the stuff with your OH. Still I can perhaps offer a bit of relief?

First of all babies don't need new anything. Parents do. Once you get your head around that then life becomes much cheaper. I had two people give me clothes for my first son - I barely bought him clothes for the first 18 months I had so many! I got one of those off road push chairs (you know the 3 wheeler ones?) for about 50 pounds off ebay. It was in perfect condition, the seller just hadn't got on with it.

The only thing I bought new was the car seat. ETA I also bought a new mattress with the first but that lasted through my 2nd as well.

When we were leaving the UK, I helped 3 different families by donating my large baby goods (cot, baby chair, moses basket etc) on freecycle. So that is a fab place to look for this stuff. Some people don't have friends to pass on clothes too, and can't be bothered to ebay them (where I might add you can get lovely bundles of baby clothes for a good price), so they put them on freecycle or freegle or gumtree in the free ads.

Is there anyone who could, as their present to the baby set up up with the first size of cloth nappies? This will save you some money over disposables.

Have you done the paper work for the maternity grant and that sort of thing, so it is all done?

Good luck honey, a new born really needs very few things. Save your money for when they will notice the difference ie when they are 7 or 8:eek:
chev

urg123

Thanks GA, Buffy and Chev,

I think I seem to be coping a little better this week. I haven't seen much of dad this week - work has been busy and I have been really tired but we have talked every day and he sounds fairly well. We will be heading over shortly to spend some time time with him and my SIL and nephew who are coming down to visit.

Still no news on DH's work situation. It's stressful for him.

Chev - you are right about the baby stuff - I just don't feel very organised about it. We are getting quite a lot passed down from my cousin (including a cot and lots of clothes) and we'll be given other stuff I am sure. We've decided on our buggy and will be using the left over wedding vouchers and price matching to get a good deal. I've got the car seat at a good price with staff discount from my SIL. I also bought cloth nappies during Real Nappy Week when the othe worries weren't happening.

I've been quite cautious and not bought too much and also avoided having what I have bought in the house. I just don't really feel like I know what's what. I'm going to make a list of what we do have, what we have been promised/offer and then work out what else we need to get.

DH's work situation could make things very difficult so I have been playing with the budgets. I will still be getting my salary until around Christmas so we have enough to cover ourselves until then. He also has debts that need to be addressed nearly all at 0%. He hasn't really been very good at managing these even though he wanted to do it himself. So, I am going to take control so that we can these these addressed asap.

So it looks like also be on another debt busing journey! He's more behind it too so will probably be back over the coming days with a plan!

Right - we'd better head off!

urg x x

taxi73

sounds pretty organised to me ..you are doing fab