MOOLOO'S continuing saga Part 4

Ice_Queen_112

Mooloo

I am a long term reader, 1st post on your thread. Please feel free to ignore or take this reply in the spirit in which it was intended. I am the long term partner of a lovely man whose mother never told him"no". Even today, at the age of 33, after 5 years and much maturation on his part, he still is supported by her in a small way. Please, stop giving your kid money or paying off his debts. He needs to take responsibility for what he has borrowed. Please stop "slipping" him a tenner every so often. If he knows mum will "come up trumps", he will never learn to plan for a contingency. By all means talk to your kids, listen, and support them emotionally. Please do not continue to financially fund your son. As long as you do, he will never stand alone. All the best. IQx

Savvy_sewing

Ice_Queen_112 wrote: »

Mooloo

I am a long term reader, 1st post on your thread. Please feel free to ignore or take this reply in the spirit in which it was intended. I am the long term partner of a lovely man whose mother never told him"no". Even today, at the age of 33, after 5 years and much maturation on his part, he still is supported by her in a small way. Please, stop giving your kid money or paying off his debts. He needs to take responsibility for what he has borrowed. Please stop "slipping" him a tenner every so often. If he knows mum will "come up trumps", he will never learn to plan for a contingency. By all means talk to your kids, listen, and support them emotionally. Please do not continue to financially fund your son. As long as you do, he will never stand alone. All the best. IQx

Currently I am not giving him any funds. His JSA is paid into one of my bank accounts. Then I am taking out the money for the debt repayments, and giving him back what is left.
The rent etc will sort it self out, and then he is going to also be paying the difference. When it is a sensible one!.
He is finding some part time work, but its spasmodic. But he is trying. Its not enough, but its something.

I cannot sleep. Woke at 3.30 to go to the loo. Then everything and nothing has been keeping me awake. Gave up about 15 minutes ago, and salvedged the laptop out of DS's room. Bit of a rude awakening for him, but tough he will go back to sleep. Wish I could. I am really tired, and sore, and cannot sleep at the moment. I will have to sacrifice some of my day for a nap thats all there is too it.
I sat knitting up some old t.shirts into a panel that I am going to use for a cushion cover. Bit of fun cutting up strips of T.shirts and then just knitting them together. But it made my hands ache, the knitting.
My bedroom has become a junk yard again, after so successfully reclaiming it a few weeks ago. Thats probably another reason why I cannot sleep.
I shall have to press gang DS into helping me, as waiting for him to help is just not going to happen. It took him most of the day yesterday to get the two tables in from the garden.
I have reminded him that I need him to finish painting the bathroom. One of the jobs he was supposed to do while I was away. Typical teenager, if your not standing over him, its not done.
Off to see if there is any funds in the bank that I can actually use to pay bills with this week, after all the messing around.

minimoneysaver

I think that's the point the the previous poster was trying to make Mooloo. I think they're saying that you should be cutting the apron strings and he should be taking more repsonsibility for himself. I think it could be a bit of a problem with him moving home and cause him to become more relaxed again. Maybe you should agree on X amount of jobs per day.
* Vacuum house (20min?)
* Wipe over bathroom (5min)
* Put on laundry & hang out (10min)
That's only about half an hour of jobs, and yet it takes a massive strain off you. He's not really a young teen anymore. I wonder if you started to think of him as a young adult, maybe it would alter your expectations of him?

Savvy_sewing

minimoneysaver wrote: »

I think that's the point the the previous poster was trying to make Mooloo. I think they're saying that you should be cutting the apron strings and he should be taking more repsonsibility for himself. I think it could be a bit of a problem with him moving home and cause him to become more relaxed again. Maybe you should agree on X amount of jobs per day.
* Vacuum house (20min?)
* Wipe over bathroom (5min)
* Put on laundry & hang out (10min)
That's only about half an hour of jobs, and yet it takes a massive strain off you. He's not really a young teen anymore. I wonder if you started to think of him as a young adult, maybe it would alter your expectations of him?

I do think of him as a young man, not a kid. Although his actions are often child like!.
He is out of the habit of doing thats the problem. Have been to visit Molly and come home to him actually painting the bathroom. Bit late in the morning, but hes doing it. Alas the jobcentre call hasnt happened.
Letter confirming my Child benefit claim is through. Ready to give that to the council. Still have to wait for the Tax credit change letter though.
Just going to start printing off my statements now. Time consuming etc but necessary.

grandma247

Mooloo have you been to see your MP about all these changes and mistakes from the council? Someone should know what is going on. I am fed up with hearing about this kind of thing from sooo many people and I think it is time these people were brought to book. They seem to think they can do whatever they like and they are so disorganised. It is no wonder that people fall through the cracks. My biggest bugbear is they send ten pages of a statement when one would do. They don't even understand the things either.

Savvy_sewing

I havent thought about seeing anyone. I just get on and grit my teeth and go and deal with it. But I always end up in debts!. Its so annoying. I went today with the update, after phoning them today. But as ESA and Tax credits have not put anything in writing I am signing an oath rather then giving them the proof. You should have seen the womans face when I handed over 6 bank accounts statements for the past two months. (thier request). I said it will be tough reading as DS's JSA goes into one account then I transfer what he is allowed into another. that I transfer 10% of every income transaction into the savings slush fund. That the fostering allowance goes into one account, the child benefit etc into another account.
etc etc.
her face was a picture. I was going to highlight things etc, and write instructions to my way of accounting, but in the end I thought hell, let them spend time struggling to make sense of it!.
We will still have to prove the benefits, which is crazy as it was them that told me when my benefits had stopped. Which was much quicker then the benefit agencies managed to inform me.
Anyway I have been there. With DS's assistance we got the gazebo's down. With an added hand from Molly's daughter when the smaller one had blown over the fence and landed on the neighbours car! Gulp.
The gazebo's are returned to thier owners.
The bathroom first coat of paint is done.
DS is stopping in Towcester tonight, so no music and no fighting for the computer this evening. He has some work at the Towcester Races tomorrow. That means the twins should as well. If they remember of course. He has also the opportunity to do some landscaping when the race season is over. Fingers crossed there.
I said a very very brief goodbye to my parents who are off to France tomorrow. I will really miss them, as I talk every day to my Mum and sometimes Dad depending on who is on the computer at the time.
I would love to go with them. Oh well. its not to be.
I couldnt get on the same course as Molly at the WI at the end of June. Pity, but at least I have a lovely book on Quilting and the latest edition of Patchwork Magazine, so I can teach myself.
We bought a McD on the way back from town for DGD and I had reheated savoury rice, as it was left over from Saturday. She is watching Garfield and then it will be bath and bedtime.
As I was up so early this morning, I suppose i will be in bed early tonight. Lets hope though that I can stay awake a bit longer so that I get to sleep in the early hours of the morning. My sleep pattern is all up the swanny.
I have mostly caught up with my Microsoft Money programme. Which was a complete headache. I think I will relax with a bit of catch up on the TV for once.

Molly41

Moo - sorry you cant come to the course. Have you put your name down on the reserve list?

Eager_Elephant

Sorry things are not going smoothly.

Unfortunately anyone claiming Housing Benefit who has changes in benefits/circumstances will end up in debt.

It is very difficult to predict changes in advance and by the time the changes have been input on your claim then an Overpayment will have been incurred.

The only people who don't have this problem are people on Pension Credit (providing they don't have a non-dep).

Hopefully DS' JSA is still in payment, the local council can check the DWP system to double check - maybe they have done this and it has shown that it is not.
They have to put in maximum income which gets you a maximum deduction until they get proof otherwise.

if you had a crystal ball that might help :rotfl:

Savvy_sewing

Molly41 wrote: »

Moo - sorry you cant come to the course. Have you put your name down on the reserve list?

I asked but he said there was no point as there were already plenty names on it. Never mind. I would have been stretching myself if I had gone anyway.:(

Savvy_sewing

Eager_Elephant wrote: »

Sorry things are not going smoothly.

Unfortunately anyone claiming Housing Benefit who has changes in benefits/circumstances will end up in debt.

It is very difficult to predict changes in advance and by the time the changes have been input on your claim then an Overpayment will have been incurred.

The only people who don't have this problem are people on Pension Credit (providing they don't have a non-dep).

Hopefully DS' JSA is still in payment, the local council can check the DWP system to double check - maybe they have done this and it has shown that it is not.
They have to put in maximum income which gets you a maximum deduction until they get proof otherwise.

if you had a crystal ball that might help :rotfl:

I will just have to hang on until it all gets sorted at the other end of it. Then I will also tell them that they will then have to take any arrears at the £10.46 a week out of the future benefit payements as they had originally told me that they were doing.
Its a complete nightmare, but I suppose its the system. A few months ago I would have been in a real stress but of late I have come to a more manjana effect!.