New mum....failing :(

FBaby

Nicki wrote: »

It is a thread about a new mum struggling to make a decision for her baby, and asking for advice about how to come to terms with that decision. If you feel passionately about breastfeeding, and have always dreamed about having that experience with your own child, then it is a huge loss if you find yourself unable to do so for whatever reason. That emotional upset needs to be dealt with and supported outside of a discussion about what is best for the baby.

Have you read my message properly???? I made it clear I wasn't making a comment about OP feelings about breastfeeding but about her statement that she feels her baby will be disadvantaged if she doesn't. What a horrible guilt to hold. I find it sad that anyone could feel so strongly about their child's potentials if they can't breastfeed. I was trying to make her feel better about this.

ps: I am not an anti-breastfeeding compaigner thank you!!!

FBaby

Janepig wrote: »

I don't think that the poster you quoted was trying to make it a breast v bottle debate, and I do think what she posted was relevant. The OP has expressed concern that by not breast feeding she will somehow be damaging her DS, which is nonsense but is something that new mums have drummed into them, like it or not, by the breast is best brigade. And whilst no-one wishes to deny that breast is indeed best, that doesn't mean that formula feeding is evil, and the OP's newborn is not going to turn out any the worst for her giving him formula.

Thank you, that is exactly the message I was trying to convey.

FBaby

poet123 wrote: »

The person you quoted was simply expressing her opinion and recounting her experiences when responding to an element of the OP. You did the same. Why is your post content more acceptable than hers?

Thank you for this too. I stated that I wasn't commenting on the OP's disappointment she might not be able to continue breastfeeding for the exact purpose of avoiding such comment as what Nikki wrote, still it had to come...

make_me_wise

Oh hun, have a huge huge hug. You are absolutely not a failure. It must have all come as a bit of a shock with baby arriving 4 weeks early. Despite being premature he didn't need to go to scbu. Which speaks volumes about how well he was at delivery. You did that, you made him into the healthy, beautiful little boy he is.

No harm whatsoever will come to him from being formula fed. I have seen countless friends and family beat themselves up over not being able to bf. To the point where it has ruined the first precious few weeks with their babies. In the end they turned to formula feeding, breathed a huge sigh of relief and happily got on with it. Most importantly they started enjoying their baby and being mums.

Dont run yourself into the ground over this or feel any guilt. Your body is trying to recover from the birth, from the pregnancy and wasn't quite ready to enable you to bf your son. You sound like a wonderful new mum to me who loves her son dearly. Be kind to yourself, accept all help offered and do whatever makes you happy.

wantnomoneyworries

Always_Alone wrote: »

Wow, thank you all for your replies, i was half expecting to be shot down and told 'to try harder'

Whilst in hospital and formula/express feeding, baby was thriving and we were able to go home early as he was putting on weight. Once we got home and i tried to breastfeed, he lost a fairly significant amount of weight within 2 days of being home. I think this is because i was trying to just stick with breast and hoping that eventually he would be hungry enough to take, despite the pain it was causing me (due to the latching on issues) and the lack of sleep etc. Obv it didn't work and he lost weight instead.

He was weighed again this morning and has gained weight since we introduced formula back in. I haven't expressed or put him to me since yesterday as just the thought of it and what we've been through the last 10 days makes me want to cry. Based on the weight gain, it looks like formula is the way to go to pack the weight on him. Doesn't stop me feeling guilty as hell though still.

My head is telling me that formula is what he needs to thrive esp at the moment when he is still so small and fragile. My heart is still saying that i am depriving him by not being able to feed him myself.

I think it is something i need to come to accept which i hope will happen the stronger he gets but i was after reassurance i guess that formula fed babies don't grow up to have every illness/ailment/disease under the sun because i wasn't able to protect him through my milk, which i have had from everyone here, so thank you all

It seems to me you are a little more at peace today. This is really just the first of many tricky decisions you will have with your children and believe me at each one you will feel torn, as we all want to do the absolute best for our children. Its hard but I bet when you look at him you get a feeling like no other, which in the long run will cancel everything else out.
You really are doing your best for your new son - it is very obvious how much you love him!

GemmaE

Couldn't read and run as this reminded me so much of me and my DD, she will be 2 next week and was born 3 weeks early by emergency c-section, and I struggled with BF for about 3 weeks before giving up and going for formula. I had leaked milk from 6 months into my pregnancy so thought I would have no problems, and could express, but could not get DD to latch on.
My health visitor was fantastic and kept a very close eye on me and DD as she could see how upset I was, I was even visited by a breast feeding counsellor to try and help. My HV helped me come to terms with moving on from breast feeding by being extremely supprtive as did DH, but those first few weeks at home with a baby that wouldn't feed were the most traumatic of my life so far.
Please please don't worry about the effect this will have, you have tried and have demonstrated how much you care by asking for help and perservering, but please also remember that if you worry too much you will make yourself ill (I was a hairsbreadth away from PND), and that sleep is the most important thing for you at the moment.
By the way DD is the picture of health now, walked before 11 months, full set of teeth by 15 months and can count to 12 already as well as showing her nanny how to use an ipad(which I admit is scary!) so I don't think she has been adversely affected by me not being able to BF for as long as I wanted.
Massive hugs, and we are all here to help or listen
G

leanneq

Neither me or my sister were breastfed. We were both healthy children and healthy adults. I don't have children yet but from what I hear they really make you feel guilty if you don't.
It's what is best for you and the child. They wouldn't sell formula if it was bad for the baby! Sounds like you just need to accept your decision. You've tried but your baby has chosen formula. It's really not a bad thing, just don't let others tell you what they think is best for your baby. You know the answer and it really will not have any negative effect on the health of your baby!

janninew

Hi Op

I totally understand how you feel at the moment. I delivered my baby girl at the end of November, she was 28+6 and is still in the SCBU. I have been expressing every 3 hours since her birth and I'm exhausted. I worry that she won't be able to latch on due to her prematurity, and I feel like I can never have a break from expressing in case my milk dries up. My relationship with my husband is starting to suffer as I'm exhausted and my breasts are always tender and sore. Breastfeeding is really important to me and I'm finding, like you, it hard to contemplate not breastfeeding.

Sorry for taking it off topic, but I understand and if you want to chat please message me.

xx

jha

As a mum dont ever feel you are a failure!

I only managed to breastfeed my daughter for two or three days and have no memory of it because i was fighting for my life during and after delivery. but i am here healthy and so is she nearly two years down the line.

You just have to do the best you can with what you have / can do for your child at the time. If baby is taking formula well and seems to be thriving then i would say you are doing a brilliant job. :T

Gillyx

Jannine! Was just thinking about you the other day, hope little Poppy (hope I've remembered that properly) is doing well and you all had a lovely time over Christmas & NY. Keeping my fingers crossed she will be out of SCBU soon xx