The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 11

jak

That's brilliant. Well done!

41_and_i_know_it

Hello everybody! Happy Sunday morning. Okay I'm here now, with a belly full of pancakes and a bucket of tea. Just thought about lager, don't worry it was an association with horrible taste and the fact that there is fish bladder in it. I know I have felt like this before and then as soon as a crisis occurs I go back to the beer. However, as long as I'm on here I don't feel like I'm on my own anymore and I can talk to you all because we are all going in the same direction - UP. It seems like ages since I've had a drink but it's only 10 days and I hope it continues. You know what they say about animal training, once the animal does a certain behavious so many times it becomes engrained. Well I've been in and out of the fridge hundreds of times without wanting the booze it is becoming engrained. I don't even notice the wine in the fridge door which I can't throw out because OH bought it. And other day I put the remainder of Christmas booze in the fridge so its out of sight and it didn't bother me even though my fridge is mostly booze now, I was so chuffed that my worktop is clear and I could put cardboard out for the recycling. Sorry this is so long, the more honest and open I am, the more I am understanding my feelings and the process involved. I am splitting up with alcohol and it is a relationship which began when I was a child, firstly when I got hold of the sherry as a very young child, and my mum slipped up the other day by saying my gran used to give me sherry and other things to get me to sleep. My gran was a fantastic lady and I don't blame her. She looked after me much more than my mum did. But when I started drinking I was about 15-16 because I used to babysit for my neighbour and she was in an abusive relationship so I went out to clubs with her without my parents knowing, being sick in a black bin bag in my bedroom I remember it well, and I used to get off on that sneaking around, doing something I shouldn't and feeling ill like a form of punishment for me being bad. Where is all this coming from, I am so sorry to offload all this, I didn't realise it was an issue. Anyway this relationship is dead from aged 15 to 41 what a waste, but I've got a new love now - ME and I'm gonna give me a chance. So 12 AF and I'm up for the SNC so sign me up and enlist me and shave all me hair off if you have to. I'm fighting for my sanity and I want to succeed. Come on!

warbonnet

AF-12/31

Morning all, well done to everyone.


Last nights party went well, and I don't have to worry about people reminding me what I did or said because I remember everything- yay!!


It did feel strange being at a party and not drinking, but I want to get to a stage where I only drink when I go to a party or out with friends, and not most nights at home. To do that I need to totally abstain for some time, not sure how long that will be yet.


I still find myself eating a bit too much, but I'm not too worried about that at the moment, although it is the first biggest loser weigh in tomorrow morning at work.


Another thing about not drinking, I used to worry driving to work - what if I am over the drink/drive limit- not anymore

Have a good Sunday everyone
Julie

warbonnet

41_and_i_know_it wrote: »

Hello everybody! Happy Sunday morning. Okay I'm here now, with a belly full of pancakes and a bucket of tea. Just thought about lager, don't worry it was an association with horrible taste and the fact that there is fish bladder in it. I know I have felt like this before and then as soon as a crisis occurs I go back to the beer. However, as long as I'm on here I don't feel like I'm on my own anymore and I can talk to you all because we are all going in the same direction - UP. It seems like ages since I've had a drink but it's only 10 days and I hope it continues. You know what they say about animal training, once the animal does a certain behavious so many times it becomes engrained. Well I've been in and out of the fridge hundreds of times without wanting the booze it is becoming engrained. I don't even notice the wine in the fridge door which I can't throw out because OH bought it. And other day I put the remainder of Christmas booze in the fridge so its out of sight and it didn't bother me even though my fridge is mostly booze now, I was so chuffed that my worktop is clear and I could put cardboard out for the recycling. Sorry this is so long, the more honest and open I am, the more I am understanding my feelings and the process involved. I am splitting up with alcohol and it is a relationship which began when I was a child, firstly when I got hold of the sherry as a very young child, and my mum slipped up the other day by saying my gran used to give me sherry and other things to get me to sleep. My gran was a fantastic lady and I don't blame her. She looked after me much more than my mum did. But when I started drinking I was about 15-16 because I used to babysit for my neighbour and she was in an abusive relationship so I went out to clubs with her without my parents knowing, being sick in a black bin bag in my bedroom I remember it well, and I used to get off on that sneaking around, doing something I shouldn't and feeling ill like a form of punishment for me being bad. Where is all this coming from, I am so sorry to offload all this, I didn't realise it was an issue. Anyway this relationship is dead from aged 15 to 41 what a waste, but I've got a new love now - ME and I'm gonna give me a chance. So 12 AF and I'm up for the SNC so sign me up and enlist me and shave all me hair off if you have to. I'm fighting for my sanity and I want to succeed. Come on!

Thanks for sharing this, I too can remember being given sherry with water by a lovely great aunt. You are right it must be engrained.


It's now time to take the power and win the battle!


Can't you move the booze out to a shed or garage, I am sure that anyone who cares about you will understand this, you should do things that please you and are good for your health and state of mind not things to please someone else.


Have a great Sunday
Julie

jak

I'm finding more and more that I am thinking about a past relationship. It was important to me even though we weren't together very long. We drank loads while we were together, a right nightmare really and he ended up coming over drunk and scaring me half to death. After that I've never seen him since but he keeps popping into my head. I suppose that since then i've been drinking constantly. I suppose when you stop drinking you have to deal with the things you've pushed to the back of your head for so long. Got to say, it's doing my head in though. Anyway, back on the eating healthily and i've done a meal plan for the next ten days so I eat what i've got rather than go shopping as I get sorely tempted in the shops to buy wine! I've given myself a budget of £10 a week for food until the end of the month and I'm going to have to stick to it because that's all I've got to spend anyway!!!
On a brighter note, I've managed to pay a ton of outstanding bills and if I can keep it going, I will be able to pay my Dad back the £800 I owe him much faster than antisipated so that's really great x

41_and_i_know_it

Warbonnet, thanks for your support and suggestions, I would do that but I can't go out my back door at all because OH has blocked other side with rubbish so garden totally off limits. No shed or garage, but main reason is that he doesn't know that I am worried about my alcohol consumption, he knows I've given up but he's waiting for me to drink again because I've said it so many times before. Everytime I drink he gives me a look which says 'you're a bad mother, you're a loser' and he still looks at me like that even now I'm not drinking. He wants me to drink again so I hate myself. Even if I was perfect he would find fault. As long as I do what he says and my self-esteem is below ground level he is so very happy. Oh cocked up the AF days it is 11 AF days so far out of 31.

antonic

I had a long (and mostly happy ) relationship with alcohol, until on Oct 15th 2011 (2 days after my 45th Birthday and after having a really good weekend of celebrating my birthday), that I REALLY didnt need the booze to enjoy life and decided to go AF.

(I only ever drank at weekends because I work long days during the week and by Thursday every week my only thought was "How much beer can I buy for the weekend ?).

So I thought how am I going to keep myself occupied so I dont want beer ?, what can I do to change my life ? - the answers were easy - I now carry on as I did in the past but now do not think about booze.

There were two other reasons for me going AF

1) was my health
(I am Type 2 diabetic and obese) and
2) was my debts - I am on a DMP which ends soon.

Healthwise I feel a LOT better and the £80/mth I was spending on booze I am now spending on other things.

So keep up the good work - you know you can do it !

jak

41 I know just what you mean. That could've been MY post! Alcohol was always readily available in my house growing up and I can remember at a very early age being allowed a glass of wine with Sunday dinner. After Dad left and we stayed with him we all drank tons.......he's now been in recovery for 7 years and believe me when I say I'm an novice compared to what he used to drink!!! x

41_and_i_know_it

There wasn't any booze in our house, but my cousin got me drunk on vodka and orange for a laugh when I was a kid and poured black coffee down my throat to sober me up before her parents came home. Why me? Easily led, eager to please, and always the clown, laughing on outside crying on the inside. In my grans don't remember being given drink but my mum said she did it, who to believe eh? And I grew up in a house where my mum stuck in with the kids, or in church and totally teetotal and my dad out all the time when not in work, coming home absolutely bladdered, life and soul of the party, loved by everyone. Now I'm stuck in the house with the kids or in church and partner in work or out or permanently miserable and controlling with remote control glued in hand and butt permanently glued to sofa. Everytime I've drunk in front of him I've had grief, it's ok for his 2 grown up kids to drink and they have done since about 14 years old with his blessing and he finds it funny when they have too much they are nearly 25 and 20 now btw. But oh no not me, even if I have a couple of cans which is enough to get me tipsy I am deemed out of control, a nuisance, a bad mother etc etc. one rule for one one rule for another.

41_and_i_know_it

jak wrote: »

I'm finding more and more that I am thinking about a past relationship. It was important to me even though we weren't together very long. We drank loads while we were together, a right nightmare really and he ended up coming over drunk and scaring me half to death. After that I've never seen him since but he keeps popping into my head. I suppose that since then i've been drinking constantly. I suppose when you stop drinking you have to deal with the things you've pushed to the back of your head for so long. Got to say, it's doing my head in though. Anyway, back on the eating healthily and i've done a meal plan for the next ten days so I eat what i've got rather than go shopping as I get sorely tempted in the shops to buy wine! I've given myself a budget of £10 a week for food until the end of the month and I'm going to have to stick to it because that's all I've got to spend anyway!!!
On a brighter note, I've managed to pay a ton of outstanding bills and if I can keep it going, I will be able to pay my Dad back the £800 I owe him much faster than antisipated so that's really great x

I have had relationships with 2 alcoholics which I know of, it might be more believe me. One has passed over, I think of accidental overdose and the other don't know as don't see. I had such a laugh with both and absolute misery too. The one who is dead now, made my life a misery. He got CS gassed outside my house when he tried to kick my door down and got arrested in my house when he refused to leave when I asked, he also let my tyres down when I didn't want to stay the night, and threatened my mum after my stepdad died and his ashes were in the room when it happened. He threatened to tell my employer NHS that I was interfering with his children when I wanted to split up with him. And I was working as a Paediatric Nurse. The list goes on and on. The other one I hope he is alive and the last I heard he is still sober, he ruined Christmas for me one year, and when he went on a bender I managed to get him to answer the door cos he wasnt answering the phone to find a message on the phone from his ex who he had rung instead of me, anyone will do to use when you want a drink, eh. And don't get me started on the ruined beds and sofas from wetting the bed, that was so degrading changing your partner's clothes when they don't even know they've wet themselves. So I was with them for the chaos and the thought that I could change them, and save them and in return they would love me and respect me and protect me, I wanted to be with them because they had a part of me in them, the pain and the need to numb it up. I loved the chaotic ride, but now I need to get used to a non-chaotic life without booze.