The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 11

missrlr

Morning, that is 12 for me please fed up with this blimming cough, can someon e catch it and remove please?
Cuppa so sorry this was not how you envisaged, yes get the car, make some demands and say it is impacting your life and the kids, at the very least he can play chauffeur .... Or better do the jobs in the house! Like at idea.
Friends here today and off to have hair cut so have a good weekend everyone!

mackeroo

Hi Everyone
8 AF please Shaggy
Cuppa ~ as many of others have said, well done on handling an emotionally charged eve. I wonder if there are any further nights planned for discussion whether you just ask DH what night suits him, and that you would prefer not to work to any set times to allow an open and free discussion so to agree a ngiht where neither of you have to be anywhere later on. With regard to 'hinting' re the car, i think at times hints dont work for whatever reason, so why not just ask him out straight. Explain the situation and ask to have the car. If this causes any issues for him, then suggest perhaps drawing up some kind of 'rota' for weekends which allows you both to spend time with the kids seperately, whilst the other person gets some time to do what they want. If he is resistant to this idea then i would ask him what his suggestion to a solution would be to give you a break. See what he comes up with. Maybe nothing. But at the very least it may give him some food for thought. Sounds like you are doing brillantly, but you do need to get some 'me time'. I hope you do x

CuppaTea

Hi all, no more AF's but certainly a controlled few and didn't want anymore after that, I stuck to water and a cuppa. It was nice to feel that i didn't actually want anymore.

I did go out with the kids today with the car and DH did do some chores at home, he actually did an amazing job tidying up and organising the office that had become a bit of a dumping ground (well more of a waiting ground for a car boot).

I had a lovely day with the kids and when we got home, we both tried hard to not nit pick etc.

He will be back again tomorrow and mon eve so i can go out with my friend (who's been supporting me, shall we call her Stacey for ease of use?).

As a summary of how things are as there is too much to comment on:-

The Pro's

1. We both still love and care for each other.
2. We both agree to starting to date again and pretend to be at the beginning of the relationship. Its an attempt to reignite that spark that has died and to woo each other again.
3. He is a committed family man and wouldn't do wrong by us.
4. We have too much good stuff to throw away, plus our children's stability is important too.
5. We potentially still have a very good future, its just stuck between a rock and a hard place.

The Con's

1. I seem to be the one coming up with the ideas and solutions, which he agrees to, I want this to be more equal.
2. We are both at risk of getting too used to our current situation. Me living alone at home and running things how I want and when I want them. He at this friends house (lets call him Gavin). And the boys getting too used to living together, esp as Gavin has recently split up with his wife and has welcomed DH's company. You can imagine the "men behaving badly scenario".
3. DH is struggling with head space as his job is still so consuming, he seems unable to forward plan further than the end of his nose outside of work. I have explained numerous times that other people are thinking the same as me, so its not just me getting at him. He has reached work saturation point and has been consumed and sunk to the bottom.
4. I explained in analogy terms that I seem to be the one trying to think of how to get us back together, he thinks my ideas are good, but never offering any ideas of his own. I said I seem to be dancing on the floor by myself but he is watching from the sidelines and never joining me
5. I have explained we need romance and loving again for us to stand a chance. I appreciate work is going to continue at this pace until september, but he should try to at least remember he has a wife and family, who won't be ignored, nor should they be. Little appreciation gestures won't go amiss, but i doubt they will be forth coming. Bunch of flowers, offers of childcare, surprise day out/surprise meal with candles at home............ all of these are unfamiliar concepts at the moment.:D

Before he left this evening I made a point of joining him of the sofa, we cuddled up and discussed a few things. I made a few jokes about relevant stuff and we had a giggle. But that was it, he left and i'm left feeling like the majority of teenagers have a better love life that me (a married approaching middle age woman). :eek:

Btw, what do you guys class as middle age, 40's or 50's?

Thanks for reading, i know i've gone off topic, i apologise, but its gonna happen a damn sight more, if allowed.;)

MarkMan

Sorry I haven't posted for a while. Busy week. Just been reading back though.

Forever Hopeful - if I reach the end of the AC book, I hope it'll have the same effect. It's a scary read though - giving up forever???!!!

Cuppa, I really feel for you. All I can say is that some men (me included:o) really dont take hints and just roll through life without thinking ......... until its too late. And then we wish someone had shoved it in our face because if we had the sense to realise what we had, what was happening and what the alternative was, we'd give anything to turn back the clock.

Ok, that's one man's view. And one man that's got a few issues, and has Homer Simpson as his role-model :eek:

Well, time for tea now. Good luck everyone in what you want.

Mark

missrlr

Stop button conspicuous in its absence .... Pants

CuppaTea

missrlr wrote: »

Stop button conspicuous in its absence .... Pants

Are you ok my dear?:grouphug:

missrlr

Very surprisingly feel ok, but G&T x2 at home, then popped to pub, shared bottle of wine, which turned into two, then home for dinner and another bottle. Not quite to plan. I did The use tall glasses trick and measured the G so it started well. The second bottle was NOT asked for and we didnt finish it, just checked fridge and 2/3 full bottle present so maybe not so bad.
Knew it had gone wrong when I managed to fall out of bed, it is a super king sized bed I mean how do you fall out of a super king sized bed??? Also threw remote to DH and it hit him in eye, my aim was clearly off, which was not great. He has been very quiet says he has a headache but monosyllabic not sure if he is unwell or there is something more. He went to say something but stopped earlier.

I thought it was fine apart from bed falling off ness, and i have good memory clarity but his behaviour is making me query this. Friends were all happy and said was great , but why is this funny feeling in my stomach ? And no it's not acid wine!

I don't like this

maman

Do keep us posted misslr. I must admit to laughing when I read about the remote but you're obviously worried.

I had a couple of glasses last night when I got back from torch thing. I'm pleased as that's well below my usual Saturday consumption. Although it won't show on my AF total I know I drank 2 bottles between Wednesday (s*d it occasion), Friday and Saturday. So basically no extra wine just two days wine spread over 3 evenings. That was another of my promises to me when I started cutting down that I wouldn't play catch-up at the weekends and just drink a week's wine in three days. I'm convinced my tolerance level has dropped over time and now I couldn't manage that even if I wanted to. I suppose that's the elusive stop button??

I'll be drinking tonight with my roast beef:drool: but then back on that wagon tomorrow.

Hope you're OK cuppa. You sound to have handled yesterday very well. I do understand you're 'cons' but rather than hoping for offers of childcare/transport etc why don't you ask for time to yourself whether to see 'Stacey' or just to have some of the responsibility off your shoulders for a while. The starting to date is a great idea. What sort of childcare options do you have? Might you get away for a night/weekend?

missrlr

Thanks for support, he's having a sleep so will ask when he is awake and see what transpires.
Cuppa it does sound like you need some you time, could you leave him with kids and go off for a weekend with your friend? Or just out for the day? Work life balance is difficult I am the worse possible offender for this as I am on 24 hour call due to regulatory reasons so even when I am not at work I check phones and emails and constantly. Irritates DH and it does impact on our lives so I try to do this when he is asleep. Comes to something when you ate on honeymoon and doing work emails! There is a light and it took me ages to sort it out but it is possible. DH does week day support making food and so on and I then do weekend cooking duty, helps me and he can then make sure we sit down and eat together every night and have the chance to talk.

missrlr

I think he was indulging in psychological warfare , so review started second bottle didn't finish it and so not toooooooooo bad, not as planned but I could have drunk the lot before now and then one!