New Year, New Me is here!

thrifty_fifty

Cheers guys

So I finally did it. I made it into the carpark, phoned my boss before I went in, and then burst into tears having said out loud what I was feeling. Quickly had to scrape myself together or I wouldn't have gotten in there to make an appointment. Saw the doc, explained everything. He thinks I'll be fine, I've got determination and a fighting spirit about me. I said that I felt I could get through it, I was just so tired and worn out from all the fighting to get out of the carp, and then this learned habit of becoming anxious over nothing atall. So he has recommended some CBT sessions to help change the way I think about things. I have an appointment with the mental health assessor at the surgery on 1 feb, and we'll take it from there.

I think I have to say that the hardest thing to hear was that I had to see someone who specialises in mental health, I have a problem with my head. That's a hard deal to take. I said that I was relieved that I hadn't been prescribed pills as that was the last thing I wanted. I didn't want to surrender to feeling this way and I thought that pills were really the giving in option.I will conquer this like I have conquered my debts and everything else that has come up.

Thrifty will not be beaten.

And in the spirit of the above, I went straight out and bought the bag of cheesy poofs for my debt free date celebration box. I then made myself buy a nice lunch, to pamper me, because I'm allowed to pamper me and spend a little money sometimes. It was hard, almost everything I bought was reduced, and I had to force myself to buy the chilli chicken and mango flatbread that I really wanted. The brain was saying 'no, no, buy the cheap cheese and onion sandwich because that is only £1', then flatbread didn't have a price, so I picked it up anyway. I really wanted a bunch of my favourite irises that they had in there, but I wasn't quite ready to splurge on myself that much today. Baby steps.

I'm really going to start fighting against what my conscience is telling me to do at the moment. Now I'm thinking, I really want a nice bath and then to watch some tv. The naughty conscience is saying 'sod that, get the rest of the clothes washed, those moth things hung up and do the rest of the washing up'. No thrifty, don't listen to the bad conscience talk. You are allowed to relax.

thrifty_fifty

Oh and stuff the Council. They have their money now, and it was either theirs or Lloyds f'up. I want an explanation. We are not bad people and that letter made us feel like we were.

thrifty_fifty

Oh the relief of having gone to the doctors. I have slept and slept since I came back. Just checked the post out, and absolutely laughed my socks off. Virgin banking. I laugh in the face of your banking. No, no my products won't be affected because I won't have one come 24 feb, so screw you!!

Spied some fabulous frocks and the like for the new me, the grand unveiling of which will be this summer. I've dropped back down to my pre-Christmas weight and now have a stone to lose by the summer. Bonus that the super fabulous flatbread also happens to be low in fat. Winner!

And top on my list of wants when we get a house, is a nice roll top bath and wooden kitchen worktops. Beautiful

Hiddenidenity

Well done on going to the doctors x Hope our feeling somewhat better now xx

moo2moo

to spoiling yourself because you are so worth it!

lionheartedgirl

hi thrifty,

just a quick one to say I'm glad you have been to the docs, sounds like they have been pretty sensible about it. Often they are too quick to feed you pills as a short term solution, but there are other ways especially when it's just feelings in relation to a specific situation getting overwhelming, as opposed to actual clinical depression.

Try not to think about it as something wrong with your head - more that the situation you have been in has taken its toll and you just need a different approach perhaps?

I wanted to recommend a book that helped me enormously in a similar situation when everything went a bit wrong for me a few months back - also in the CBT vein.

It's called the Feeling Good Handbook (or similar) - it was super cheap off Amazon when I got it. It's a whopper of a book as half of it is about various different drugs and side effects of things (bit scary but I didn't need that section). But a lot of the book is about the things we tell ourselves and beat ourselves over the head with. It was very practical, just a different way of talking to ourselves/making subtle changes to our internal script if that makes sense?

I hope you feel a bit brighter soon - glad you are able to look forward to what you are going to do to celebrate, as often this (looking forward, planning celebrations) is something that goes when people are a bit down in the dumps.

MsDaisy

Good to hear you're feeling better about things Thrifty. I have a friend who is getting CBT just now and she thinks it's great. Take care

thrifty_fifty

Thanks everyone. Think I know part of the problem. It's lady time and that always makes me a bit anxious beforehand. I'm quite positive about it all, it's basically a learned habit of worrying about money, yes at one time it was perhaps appropriate to worry that much, but I have 6 weeks to go until it is all paid off, there's no need to be experiencing that kind of worry anymore, so need to starting reprogramming the old thinking box with new thoughts. Like the waking up with butterflies in the stomach. No need.

I know this has probably all been heightened by the fact that I'm coming to the end of my debt free journey and clearing out things here from my old house, so it's good that I'm finally able to move on and start living a normal life again. It's probably just a case of before I didn't have time to really contemplate what I'd had to deal with and now it is coming to a close, perhaps I'm in a reflective period.

I'm absolutely not depressed, was just a little worn down and ready to take the next part of the journey. The CBT is like grabbing a drink toward the end of the marathon I guess. A pat on the back to get me towards to the new me. Also going to conquer my fear of heights this year. It's silly.

So 6 weeks to go (well 6 weeks on friday, but what's a day between friends hey?)

Have a good day everyone. xx

Hiddenidenity

Hope your feeling better today xx

moo2moo

Coooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Hope things are ok!