New Year, New Me is here!

thrifty_fifty

Oh rubbish! I genuinely woke up this morning thinking it was saturday. Booo.

4 week target hit today. This really is picking up pace.

Now OH has the day off, so can I be bothered to walk part of the way in, or shall I pay £1 for the carpark and be closer? Hmmm

Have my appointment with the CBT lady next week. Feels like an age since I went to the doctors .

Happy friday everyone!

thrifty_fifty

I think this is actually starting to sink in, that I am going to do this. I've had a good couple of days where I've felt really positive. I haven't felt like this for a long time. I've almost got my mojo back.

I've become interested in resuming my studies, doing some baking, getting fit and reading books. I'm re-discovering the things I used to be interested in, before I was too unhappy, stressed and ill with being in debt.

And this year I will keep my promise and try to get over my fear of heights. Eventually I want to do a skydive. I think that would be a cool thing to do .

thrifty_fifty

Ok, so for this mornings plans....

I am going to watch the DVD of me doing my presentation training course. I haven't felt brave enough to watch it yet. Too self conscious, embarrassed, scared. Just damn well do it girl!

I'm also going to do girly pampering time. It has occurred to me that I spend so little time doing this. I'm going to paint the pinkies, pluck up the courage and set the epilator to action, and jolly well get myself into shape.

Over the past year I have slumped into the routine of donning my tracksuit bottoms (complete with rather dodgy looking bleached bit to the bottom, where I sat on the loo lid, admiring my sink cleaning handywork, forgetting that I'd bleach sprayed before I sat down), so as those immortal and wise words of Dahls the Porcupine said 'be sure you look, before you sit!'.I have frequently donned budget undies, that have perhaps become a little baggy too , and I currently do not own any mascara, for the freeby one I got with a magazine ran out, and I couldn't quite bring myself to fork out the cash to buy more.

All in all, this has left me looking and feeling highly unfabulous, and as Justin sang, this year we're bringing sexy back!

Also further to my previous writings, I have the next painting on from the beach scene (this is the view I imagine that comes at the top of my painting. I'm sitting in a little wooden rowing boat, floating on a deep blue sea. I wonder what this kind of thing means? Overactive imagination probably ooh just found it http://www.gillcopeland.co.uk/image088.html

Now to watch that DVD

thrifty_fifty

Ok. Number one brave thing out of the way. I watched the DVD. Do you know, apart from my hair looking a ruddy mess (growing out my layers and I have a really strong parting at the back of my head), I wasn't too shoddy. All I need is a bit stronger body language, and to learn some voice projection. Overall my voice doesn't sound as bad as I thought it would. I'm quite clear, no hint of an accent (do you know I sound rather posh!), and what I had to say sounded quite interesting (a spot of self fluffing up never did you any harm). Do you know I could really see myself being a trainer, lecturer or teacher from looking at that.

Oh and here's the post lady. Please let that be one of my credit reports. I'm eager to look.

Better get on with epilating too. OH will wonder what has gone on.

You know the surprising thing about watching that DVD, was that I always have in my head that I want to work towards looking like a confident, and sophisticated lady, and do you know, I actually look like that already

thrifty_fifty

Finally caught my target NSD yesterday, which was hard as I had the munchies. I got a real craving around 3 for one of those mandarin light muller yoghurts. De-lish!

De fuzzled-took me an hour and a half!!! Maybe might move back to waxing.

And so for today....pizzas to make for dinner tomorrow. Some housework (I did absolutely nothing yesterday). Oh and read my book.

thrifty_fifty

Need somewhere to sound off.

So glad I have my doctors appointment this week. Just cleaned the bathroom and sorted out some old clothes. As the bedroom became clearer I suddenly felt really upset and I do feel close to tears now. I guess everytime I clear something out, I'm changing how I see myself and reflecting on the mess I was in.

I had grand plans to be really busy today and to have a no spend day. To be honest I think I'm going to take it easy. I need to bake the pizzas later, but I'm going to treat myself gently and go and get some snacky food from the shop. I'll spend this afternoon in the lounge and get my book read. Still need to take baby steps it seems. Silly emotions. Honestly.

beanielou

Keep plodding!

thrifty_fifty

Had a good day yesterday.

Had the weirdest dream though, one of those that actually wakes you up.

It was Boxing day and my mum, dad and I were driving to my brothers house. The house and the road that my parents lived in was one I didn't recognise. Neither was the car, it was a big new one, which they would never have. I remember mum was driving and it was an automatic. My mum was angry about something. I looked up and across the road a woman and her brother were fighting, she seemed to be really angry. The brother was holding her by her ankles and she was dangling out of the top window with a knife in her hand, shouting and looking at us.

My mum shouted something at her, and the next thing is this woman is running across the road and stabbing the knife at the windscreen of the car.

Mum carries on driving, but she is still angry about something. She is shouting and keeps turning round to talk to me. Both myself and my father beg her to stop because she will crash the car, but she won't. I keep pleading with her to get out and I will drive.

At this point, Dad starts to shout at her and then they are fighting. I'm screaming from the back because the car is still in motion and heading towards the main road, but they don't hear me.

Eventually Mum turns round to me and shouts at me, but thankfully the car comes to a stop. Dad gets out and they start fighting with each other on the side of the road. A couple stand in their doorway watching in unbelief. The fight between my mum and dad turns into pushing and getting quite bad. I try to break them up and Dad tries to bite my hand, and then looks at me as if to say 'you were supposed to be on my side', he looks really sad and it breaks my heart.

I then start shouting at them 'it's Boxing day, it's the season of goodwill. Stop fighting, you're supposed to love each other'. I keep shouting this over and over, and eventually they stop fighting and hug each other. Then I wake up.

Well, guess I'm awake now. Wonder what that dream means?

thrifty_fifty

Well the day has finally arrived that I have my doctors appointment. A friend at work is currently having CBT too and couldn't recommend it more.

I cannot wait to get this week over, it has been thoroughly rubbish in terms of work this week. Right down to the team member who insists on using sarcastic undertones in all our conversations. Everything is a test. Did you forget this?, and so on. First of all I'm not a team leader, at least in my title and pay anyway, although this is what we are. Secondly, get a grip and work it out for yourself. Grrr.

Anywho, we're nearly down to the three week marker. Will this thing hurry the hell up now?

Got the first of my credit reports yesterday.All good and all zeros. Just need to unlink myself from the ex (even seeing the name on the report made me shudder), and all should be well. Just waiting for the other two.

thrifty_fifty

Had my appointment today and it was agreed that CBT would be good. So got the first appointment on 16th.

I did shed a tear or two, and have been recommended some St Johns Wort for when I'm feeling blue.