Removing items from house after Seperation

Kaz2904

I wouldn't worry aout the signatures on letters, how often would you sign a personal letter with your signature? You'd sign off with
all my love, Bob........
or some such wouldn't you?

daska

Whilst you can't stop her having access to the house if she is a joint owner you can invest in a strongbox/safe or similar in which to put sensitive material such as private letters, passport etc. You can also make a photographic record of what is in the house which might (or might not) prove useful in determining exactly what has been taken and the value of it in relation to any settlement which is then made.

Tuesday_Tenor

>>>>> Remember also that legally as primary caregiver and homeowner she could've gone to court to get a residency order for her and the kids to stay in the marital home whilst you were forced to leave.

She still could.

Wife and children have been gone for about 2 months.
There don't seem to be definite arrangements yet for future custody, residency, maintenance and access. Decisions about all these need to be made in the children's best interests. Not the best interests of you or your (ex-)wife.
And you have as much right to apply for custody of the children as she has.

I understand that it's herself and three children (2 of whom are yours) that have gone to grandparents? Is this a temporary arrangement? Are they all cramped there? How does the new living arrangement relate to schools and nurseries attended? How do grandparents view this situation? Assuming the family home is more suitable than spare room(s) at grandparents, has no one suggested that she should move back and you should move out? It will be cheaper for you to rent a small 1-bed place as a single man than for her to rent somewhere with 2 or 3 bedrooms.

After 2 months perhaps she has had time to consider more. You could still suggest going to Relate. Whether or not there is any chance of a reconciliation as partners, you are going to have to work together on issues as PARENTS. Relate can help you communicate better for both scenarios.

Just a few things that went through my mind on reading your posts ...

Kimberley

adamantine wrote: »

change the locks and notify the solicitor.

Won't make a difference. My ex many years ago did this to me. I had planned to go to the house and clear half of the furniture and my belongings when I knew he would be at a football match. He had a shock when he got home. I had forced open a window to get access with my brothers and friends to help. He got a solicitor to demand it all back and pay for the damage to the window but he didn't have a leg to stand on. I was well within my rights.

The only time your ex cannot gain access to the house is if the house is entirely in your name but if her name is on the deeds then she can do so.

Sadly though many children are also punished by their stupid immature parents feuds.

Kimberley

Scrapaholic wrote: »

What's with the young women of today ? Have heard of numerous cases like this where the mother stops the dad from seeing the children just because they can . Not thinking of the children and how they feel about not seeing their dads ( + grandparents too !) I'm just writing about what I've heard + not where there is an abusive parent. Why is one of the first things they do is use the children as a weapon ? I cannot understand it . I really hope you can get things sorted and feel for your situation. Good Luck.

Immaturity

olibrofiz

Hugs to you OP, terrible situation to be in.

Years ago when I left my then OH we had a house in joint names. He dropped the deadlock on the front door & bolted it and used the back door (I hadn't thought to take back door keys).

Where there's a will tho...I borrowed a ladder and climbed in the front bedroom window. But it was effort, and I only did it the once to get my bed, the FF, washing machine (paid for by me & had receipts) he threatened to report me for burglary & theft but police weren't interested.

Some of the personal bits I took was a box of letters he'd written to me, I took them for no other reason than I considered them mine - he took my engagement ring as he considered it his.

Here's hoping that when your OH realises how hard it is being a single parent she'll start letting you have your kiddies more. Hope 2012 isn't too rocky for you.

daska

chrisbagsy wrote: »

OH has a 13 year old boy who now wants to come and stay with me. I have brought him up for last 10 yraears and he says he sees me as his real dad. Got no access to him!!!!!!

Thanks

If you apply for residency of your 2 children then their relationship with their brother would also be taken into account, courts/social services don't like splitting siblings up. But at 13, the boy's views will be considered by the court so I would hope that you would at least be able to get a contact order. (If my memory serves me correctly there was a thread on here a couple of years back where a parent was fuming that their 13/14 year old had chosen to move out and legally they couldn't find any way to make him move home.) BUT, please remember that children will frequently say what they think the person wants to hear, that's why the courts use CAFCASS.

chrisbagsy

Thank you all for your comments and advice.
I have been away for a few days to a retreat to try and sort my head out a little and to be able to breath.
In answering some of the questions asked.
The reason for the break up has not been given to me definitively. BUT
4 years ago I left forces. My world fell apart as I lost all direction and concentrated on work. Wanted to provide the family with everything they wanted or needed. Did lots of the household chores to feel useful. (I have always done this) Not just now and then but all the time!! OH never ironed for 10 years!
Felt that I was failing the family but couldn't ask for help. (This may sound like a nothing but it has broken me as I believed I was a failure)
Relationship with OH son was strained sometimes but never violent. He has since told me how much he respects the way I have brought him up. Issues with other family members over this as they don't believe that I should tell him off. His dad agrees with me however.
I never told OH about any money issues we had. never O/D but always balancing the books. Spent money on OH courses and holidays that we couldn't really afford.
Lost job. Dad died.
All these events put extreme pressure on me. We stopped talking because I could not ask for the help and support I wanted from her because I was sooooo scared!
In all honesty OH has her issues with family and her life that I now appear to be getting the blame for even if some of them were before I met her.
I have tried to precis the reasons for the break up that I can see.
I am aware that OH is hurting so much by her anger towards me. I got back yesterday and asked to see kids between 6 and 8. She wanted me to take them until 10. I at work today so it is an early start. OH would not meet me halfway or anything. Never got to see kids.
Asked to see them this evening. Told no. But can see them tomorrow when I got an appointment. (Counsellor)
Sad to say but I am really trying to be as helpful as I can but the rules continually change to suit her.
I think my only option is for solicitor to sort it out because I am getting tired of the anger towards me.

Regards house. I have agreed to move out and let them move back in but this has been blankly refused with no reason.

Thanks

chrisbagsy

Had to speak with Solicitor this week as my access has now been cut to 2 hours weds evening and sat 12 until sun 6.
suggested 3 in 4 weekends fri to sun and a night in week. leaving maint as is.
reply was "you will get sol letter in couple of days regarding access to boys. Pick them up sat at 12 and drop them off on sun at 6."

OH now appears to have become very angry so have decided only contact for kids.
FRUSTRATED.!!!
Solicitor says I need to play her game for a while. but asked for more access. Not bothered about the maint.
any advise please???????

one_hot_minute

Fri evening til Sunday evening plus one overnight is a lot though. Like over half the week! I'm presuming you both work and the kids have school...your ex needs quality time with her children too.

I'm sorry. I know it's sore and hurts. And you want them as much as heavenly possible. In an ideal world you'd both get on, live near each other and continue to co-parent. Rather than your solicitor get heavy handed, I'd steer him to go in this direction, amicable, parenting? You must both be reasonable here and if you lead by example it will leave you in a strong position.