Removing items from house after Seperation

chrisbagsy

I have made some positive decisions for me in the last couple of days regards access to kids.
Not going to change locks. I think it may cause me even more hassle.
regards the letters that she took. I will take it that they bring back happy memories for OH that she wishes to keep on to.
(That's my excuse!)
Going away for to a retreat for New Year to have some me thinking time.
Then deal with everything in the New Year.

Thanks to everyone

chrisbagsy

Sorry to labour on this point but can some wise person advise me as to why my letters would be so important to take away?
I have been playing this around in my head and coming up with too manyreasons.
I don't want to set myself up for a fall though!!

Any thoughts please?

msb5262

Hi OP,

Maybe the letters thing means it's not the end of the road for your marriage...not trying to give you false hope but I can't help wondering.

What do you think - is it worth seeking counselling or mediation to see if you can move things in a more positive direction?

Very best wishes to you all for 2012

MsB

chrisbagsy

I can't help wondering either!!
Not sure which way to turn at present as I don't want to upset apple cart over the kids. As I said previously, I am going away to a retreat on Friday and won't be contactable.
Hoping to get kids first weekend after the New Year.
I asked her about counselling earlier in the split but was met with a definite NO!
Have asked my sol to request she considers counselling.
I find some of the things she says are quite strange. NOT the person I knew previously.
Also have to contend with midnight stone throwers and spitting on car at present during the night. No one knows anything about it though.

martyn05

Shame about you losing your keys like that, better get them locks changed! Anybody could just let themselves in and remove your belongings.

Thats what I would do.

The_Next_Verse

Just because I feel like devils advocate, if the letters have your signature on... she has your signature now to copy if needs be.

*Hopes this is not the case*

Gingernutty

They are addressed to her, presumably, so they are hers.

However,

She wants a divorce and if the letters show you to be a loving and relatively reasonable person then any divorce on the grounds of your "unreasonable behaviour" would be out of the question.

That, and I'd be worried about the signature thing too.

princessdreamer

The letters may have some personal meaning, not that she wants you back. just she wants to be able to look back to move on. when my ex left I gutted the house, every card me or the children sent him was shredded. all the cards he sent me were boxed and put away. People do strange things

adamantine

maybe there was something else in that box she didnt want you to see?

one_hot_minute

I'd read her taking the letters as she's a normal person with feelings wanting to remember happier times with you.

The thing is, in this situation, everyone is hurting, everyone is trying to claw their way back to normality with no real blueprint of what is correct and how they should behave or feel.

Can I ask what the circs of the breakup are?

I feel sorry for you both. The advice about internal locks to protect your possessions, clearly marked maintenance payments via bacs etc are all good. Don't underestimate your feelings just now. Good fathers do pine for their kids and you'll be reeling from your marriage breaking down. That coupled with your home feeling violated is a lot to deal with. On the other hand, remember your ex has felt so strongly that the marriage was causing more pain that she's fled her home with her kids, is sleeping in a spare room and probably feels more than a little lost herself. Coming 'home' and having her things probably comforts her a little. Remember also that legally as primary caregiver and homeowner she could've gone to court to get a residency order for her and the kids to stay in the marital home whilst you were forced to leave. so she really isnt coming across to me as the money grabbing, selfish !!!!! that other posters have painted her.

If you both try to remember in this, that you are both vulnerable, feeling human beings who once loved each other very much and who must develop a strong friendship post divorce for the kids sake you'd heal a lot quicker and hopefully in a way that's fair to you all.