How to manage inlaws on their long visits

moremore

What about your own parents do they live near you and if so could you not pair them up and perhaps they could go out for trips and sightseeing and doing stuff with people of their own age group.

gingin_2

moremore wrote: »

What about your own parents do they live near you and if so could you not pair them up and perhaps they could go out for trips and sightseeing and doing stuff with people of their own age group.

My parents are brilliant.... We are all going for 2 days on Boxing Day at their insistence. I can't wait for that - my Mum gets "it". They always try and do their bit, despite fil preferring our sofa to theirs :cool:

pollypenny

Oh, heck - I am a MIL and have to stay for at least 2 weeks with DS and family to make the flight costs worthwhile.

OH does all cooking when we are there, I take responsibility for the dog and we do all the shopping.

We hire a car and do not depend on them for entertainment at all.

I am always worried about overstaying our welcome, though.

Newly_retired

Golly gosh, my kids can only put up with me for two days maximum! And vice versa.
You have my sympathy.
A friend of mine is going to visit her family in Australia for a month and boy do I feel sorry for them. She is impossible.
At least yours are decent people.
I do think it is perhaps time for a re-think though, as it is very hard on you, with you being the one who has to bear the brunt.
My only suggestion is to try to carry on as normal as if they weren't there, certainly as far as your kids are concerned.

moremore

gingin wrote: »

My parents are brilliant.... We are all going for 2 days on Boxing Day at their insistence. I can't wait for that - my Mum gets "it". They always try and do their bit, despite fil preferring our sofa to theirs :cool:

Of course 'your' parents are brilliant, why does your husband parents have to stay so long, I can only tolerate being with my DiL for a day and that is my limit.....as she is so obsessed by 'her' family I cannot wait to get away. Would not go near her if I did not have grandchildren to see and they are 'absolutely gorgeous’ as they are 'my' grandchildren.:T:T

gingin_2

moremore wrote: »

Of course 'your' parents are brilliant, why does your husband parents have to stay so long, I can only tolerate being with my DiL for a day and that is my limit.....as she is so obsessed by 'her' family I cannot wait to get away. Would not go near her if I did not have grandchildren to see and they are 'absolutely gorgeous’ as they are 'my' grandchildren.:T:T

Ummm... brilliant, as in brilliantly supportive, in answer to your first question. Aren't my parents allowed to be that?

I guess they stay so long because they enjoy being with us.

BitterAndTwisted

Moremore: the OP's in-laws come all the way from New Zealand. It's not like they can stay for the weekend and then pop home again. I'm not sure if it's been mentioned but as they're from overseas they may not have any other family here to go and spend some time with.

OP: if it's any consolation eventually they may find that very long journey too much or too expensive to keep coming every year.

BigBlackcat

moremore wrote: »

Of course 'your' parents are brilliant, why does your husband parents have to stay so long, I can only tolerate being with my DiL for a day and that is my limit.....as she is so obsessed by 'her' family I cannot wait to get away. Would not go near her if I did not have grandchildren to see and they are 'absolutely gorgeous’ as they are 'my' grandchildren.:T:T

Oh you sound like a real peach lol! Is that you MIL???:rotfl:

londonsurrey

If you have a tolerance limit, you're only being human. To paraphrase Benjamin Franklin, houseguests and fish are the same.

... they smell after three days.

supergran2007

gingin wrote: »

My inlaws are lovely people but I am struggling with their long visits.

They come from overseas every 12-15 months, for anything up to a month at a time. They are here now and I really feel like hiding under my covers and not coming out until they have gone - but I can't. I've had it for the last 11 years and I am just in despair at having to do it for the forseeable future.

They won't drive, won't sightsee, won't go out unless pushed. My father in law has/had mental health problems and mother in law is a lovely lady but is permanently fussing and worrying about everything. I am normally fairly relaxed but find that I am at the edge of snapping.

My husband, their son, leaves the house at 7am and is home at 8pm and so they are my responsibility in that time, he finds them even more frustrating than me. There are only so many cups of tea I can make and so many trips out I can make without looking too rude. Every night I have to sit through a long protracted dinner talking about the same stuff again and again and again.

I'm ranting and I don't often rant on here but I am going to explode...

I haven't even mentioned the big fat gypsy wedding outfits mil buys my daughter, or my fil's delusions about becoming a billionaire....

Sorry to be a wet blanket, but i would give all i have to be in your position.
OH and i have lost all four parents in the last 6 years,each one quite suddenly, one after another, the last being my mum a year ago this week ( she was only in her 60's and it was very sudden & totally unexpected ).
Don't get me wrong, each one of them drove me bananas at times ( & me them no doubt!!) but the point i'm trying to make is you never know how long you have left with them , cherish your time with them ,cos if you don't, all you will remember is how you couldn't wait for them to leave each time they visited.
The phrase " you never know what you have til its gone " is very apt and fitting.
Sorry to be the voice of doom, but its worth a thought.

All the best to you all.:A