How to manage inlaws on their long visits

Metranil_Vavin

Oh poor you. I'd be tearing my hair out too.
I really like my IL's, but even then after a couple of nights I'm itching for them to go again! I couldn't cope with a long stay.
If your OH finds them as frustrating as you, is there no way you could try and break the tradition of them coming to stay, and say you go to them for a few days instead? At least that way you are more in control of how long you have to see them.

When you say they are from overseas, whereabouts?

londonsurrey

Build a granny annexe. Rent it for 10 months at a time.

elsien

My grandmother was telling me the other day that her mother and mother in law used to take it in turns to visit. One would come for a month and the other would visit for 6 months. I was appalled - she seemed to think it was normal and couldn't see why anyone might object.

marywooyeah

OP this would drive me mad! what about board games or something similar to pass the time - when are they leaving?

Errata

Tell your OH to get online and buy you some valium. Up to you whether you neck it or put it in the outlaws tea
Not much help for this year, but before their next 'squat' could you find/invent some voluntary work which will keep you out of the house?

BigBlackcat

Poor you! My MIL was here for 3 days recently and my nerves were frayed! I can't imagine a month:eek:

I found alcohol, lots of alcohol just took the edge off lol!

Can't your husband take some time off work? After all, they are HIS parents.

meritaten

gingin wrote: »

My inlaws are lovely people but I am struggling with their long visits.

They come from overseas every 12-15 months, for anything up to a month at a time. They are here now and I really feel like hiding under my covers and not coming out until they have gone - but I can't. I've had it for the last 11 years and I am just in despair at having to do it for the forseeable future.

They won't drive, won't sightsee, won't go out unless pushed. My father in law has/had mental health problems and mother in law is a lovely lady but is permanently fussing and worrying about everything. I am normally fairly relaxed but find that I am at the edge of snapping.

My husband, their son, leaves the house at 7am and is home at 8pm and so they are my responsibility in that time, he finds them even more frustrating than me. There are only so many cups of tea I can make and so many trips out I can make without looking too rude. Every night I have to sit through a long protracted dinner talking about the same stuff again and again and again.

I'm ranting and I don't often rant on here but I am going to explode...

I haven't even mentioned the big fat gypsy wedding outfits mil buys my daughter, or my fil's delusions about becoming a billionaire....

sounds to me like your MIL isnt relaxed and at home at your house either!
I bet the conversation at their house before coming goes something like this

MIL - Do we HAVE to go dear?
FIL - Yes, they will be expecting us and we mustnt disapoint them!
MIL - But they seem to want to go gadding about and I prefer to have a quiet life and a cup of tea and watch the racing on the telly!
FIL - Yes I know dear - but DIL is so anxious to please us - we cannot disappoint them.
MIL - Should we stay at a Travelodge this time?
FIL - Good Grief no! They would never allow that!
MIL - Yes you are right - but I do wish DIL would let me HELP more - I feel so USELESS while I am there, and she hovers about - I wish she would go out more and let us relax!
FIL - Well it is HER house!
MIL - But I feel like we are imposing!
FIL - Rubbish!


Did that make you smile OP? I hope so - long term 'guests' are a trial arent they? but, look at it from THEIR point of view.....They make a supreme effort to come and see you. They probably would prefer to stay at home but, nevertheless duty calls! You probably bend over backwards to make them welcome...........which instead makes the poor woman nervous and fluttery, nightmare!

Relax a bit more and let them be! If you want to go out for the day - then go! dont treat them as guests - they are family and I am sure MIL is more than capable of getting meals, making beds etc. she may feel more at ease if she ISNT coddled and cossetted!

Make-it-3

My in-laws came to stay for 5 weeks a few years ago and it was one of the most long and painful periods of my life.

They really hadn't thought things through, booked flights to come last minute both OH and I were working and couldn't get time off. I think we all struggled. They didn't go out (his mum had a bad leg) their English is limited so there wasn't much they could watch on TV. I had to do all the cooking, cleaning, washing after them as in their culture its their place to be waited on. We had no social life, OH hid the alcohol so they wouldn't know he drank. I was sneaking a tipple out of sight whenever I could to just to get by.

They haven't visited since, better than we go and stay with them, even then the trips are very long for me.

ViolaLass

Can't they stay in a hotel nearby? There's no way I would ever let my MIL stay here for a month.

jojo_2012_2

book yourself into a spa (or mental hospital, both good for R&R) for the week, when OH is at work they can take care of themselves, and when he gets home they're all his.