How to manage inlaws on their long visits

gingin_2

My inlaws are lovely people but I am struggling with their long visits.

They come from overseas every 12-15 months, for anything up to a month at a time. They are here now and I really feel like hiding under my covers and not coming out until they have gone - but I can't. I've had it for the last 11 years and I am just in despair at having to do it for the forseeable future.

They won't drive, won't sightsee, won't go out unless pushed. My father in law has/had mental health problems and mother in law is a lovely lady but is permanently fussing and worrying about everything. I am normally fairly relaxed but find that I am at the edge of snapping.

My husband, their son, leaves the house at 7am and is home at 8pm and so they are my responsibility in that time, he finds them even more frustrating than me. There are only so many cups of tea I can make and so many trips out I can make without looking too rude. Every night I have to sit through a long protracted dinner talking about the same stuff again and again and again.

I'm ranting and I don't often rant on here but I am going to explode...

I haven't even mentioned the big fat gypsy wedding outfits mil buys my daughter, or my fil's delusions about becoming a billionaire....

Brighton_belle

I feel your pain.

Lara44

Oh Gingin my heart goes out to you! My ILs are nice but we still struggle to know what to do with them for the weekend. What they seem to love most in their own home is sitting in front of the TV all day watching weird telly. (We visited on the weekend and one evening it was Take That live, and the next day Judas Priest!!).

My question is an obvious one - do you really need to entertain them or could you just leave them to their own devices?

:rotfl: at the big fat gypsy wedding comment!!

gingin_2

Honestly, thank you both. I am almost in tears but laughing like a mad woman at the same time.

Mil bought almost 8 year old dd a white fake fur coat - dd had a party the next day and insisted she wear it. We turn up and all the girls are in jeans and my dd is there looking like Verucca Salt

balletshoes

gingin wrote: »

My inlaws are lovely people but I am struggling with their long visits.

They come from overseas every 12-15 months, for anything up to a month at a time. They are here now and I really feel like hiding under my covers and not coming out until they have gone - but I can't. I've had it for the last 11 years and I am just in despair at having to do it for the forseeable future.

They won't drive, won't sightsee, won't go out unless pushed. My father in law has/had mental health problems and mother in law is a lovely lady but is permanently fussing and worrying about everything. I am normally fairly relaxed but find that I am at the edge of snapping.

My husband, their son, leaves the house at 7am and is home at 8pm and so they are my responsibility in that time, he finds them even more frustrating than me. There are only so many cups of tea I can make and so many trips out I can make without looking too rude. Every night I have to sit through a long protracted dinner talking about the same stuff again and again and again.

I'm ranting and I don't often rant on here but I am going to explode...

I haven't even mentioned the big fat gypsy wedding outfits mil buys my daughter, or my fil's delusions about becoming a billionaire....

oh bless you :rotfl:, that would have been me writing this if my in-laws came to stay with us!

Rant away, and thank all the Gods that they only come once a year. I have one acquaintance who's in-laws come to stay for 3 months at a time (if MIL had her way, it would be 6 months at a time :eek:).

Your OH will have some time off over the holidays won't he? Tell him to take his mum and dad out for a drink, for a meal, for a bit of a shopping spree, on him, while you take a breather. Tough if he doesn't fancy it, he can't expect you to do all the entertaining.

Nicki

My own parents are just the same, so fortunately they tend to visit for a week at a time not a month! In laws would make it so much worse

Could you do a project with them? Collecting family photographs in albums might be a nice way of filling several afternoons? Or compiling a family tree for your OH's side of the family. How about some lovely grandparent/grandchild bonding time (:D) which would give you some space to do your own thing. Could you have a friend (real or imaginary) who has asked you to feed her cats while she is away on holiday, so you need to go out on your own for half an hour twice a day, without seeming rude.

BTW My parents, though elderly and quite frail, like to be given the task of making the teas and coffees when they come to visit, so perhaps your inlaws could take this job over and you wouldn't feel you were waiting on them to the same extent.

sassyblue

gingin you poor soul ! :eek:

Does MIL like reading? Clould you get her to the library to get her head in a book, or do some puzzle magazines?

How long have they got here yet? Make sure you have some time for yourself everyday and tbh it's Christmas, you need to get out and do all sorts of things so don't feel embarrassed about making trips out - even if it's an excuse to get some peace. Better that you keep the peace than upsetting them l suppose.

Does your hubby take over when he comes home or at weekends, it's not fair for you to do this on your own. Can't hubby get a week off when they're here to at least help you out?

gingin_2

Thanks everyone I've got to go get husband from station, get dinner and then drink more wine than is good for me, just to get through it, so have to log off but I'm glad I wrote this all down!

Sambucus_Nigra

How long have you got until they leave?

RedFraggle

I feel blessed and lucky, my MIL is quite happy provided she has a glass of wine or a bailey's. She is coming for Christmas and I am not dreading it at all.

Sambucus_Nigra

RedFraggle wrote: »

I feel blessed and lucky, my MIL is quite happy provided she has a glass of wine or a bailey's. She is coming for Christmas and I am not dreading it at all.

For a month?