How to manage inlaws on their long visits

DirtyDick

londonsurrey wrote: »

Build a granny annexe. Rent it for 10 months at a time.

Some ideas:

- Move House without telling them.

- When they arrive next time, direct them to the garden shed and call it an annexe.

- Find out what sort of groups of people they hate and invite members of said groups around while they're there (this is so easy if they read the Daily Mail).

balletshoes

ViolaLass wrote: »

Can't they stay in a hotel nearby? There's no way I would ever let my MIL stay here for a month.

If Gingin's in-laws are like my OH's family, it would be a real insult to suggest they didn't stay in the family home with the family on their visit (no matter how long it was). My OH would never invite any of his family to come here from abroad if it meant they were expected to stay in a hotel.
It would be even worse for the in-laws if they were cooped up in a hotel, not going anywhere, not being able to drive etc, and waiting for Gingin to go visit them/pick them up and take them for dinner etc.

I do agree with meritaten, let MIL do stuff in the house, she'd probably like it and feel it was worth her while being there . Could she cook/bake with your DD Gingin? I just know if I let my Turkish SILs loose with my DD, they'd be dressing her up in colourful headscarves and teaching her to make cay properly (they are lovely, smiley, and very traditional).

Emmzi

if they keep telling the same stories just put your ipod in and nod a lot. Tell them it's a hearing aid.

gingin_2

Thanks once again everyone, it was good to write it all down. It's terrible, I've been a member here for 5 years but I still can't multi-quote but I'll try and respond...

Balletshoes - OH does finish on friday, until after the new year - thank goodness. He does his best but is limited time wise but he will definitely be taking his share of the load next week.

Nicki - I bought a huge raft of christmas crafts for dd and mil to do, dd is beginning to lack enthusiasm. I have escaped to a few friends houses and will do so again tomorrow. They will do their fair share around the house, so I have that to be grateful for. They are taking dd to the cinema today at my suggestion but I get a bit defensive of ds as it's his first full holiday since he started secondary school and I just want him to be able to relax and enjoy it, as he deseves it!

Sassyblue - yep, done the puzzle magazines and I make sure I leave all my novels out for MIL. I'm a proper home bird so just find it hard when I have to leave my house to get peace but it's definitely the better option at the moment. Oh is very supportive of me but is not feeling very well at the moment and is limited by what he can do in the week - he finishes on friday until after the new year.

Sambucus Nigra - They go on the 29th and I feel like I am crawling on my hands and knees to get there but at least we are getting closer....

Metranil Vavin - Great idea but they are from New Zealand, so it's just not possible. We just get one intense visit every so often and I can't see it changing!

Marywooyeah - Yes! we have the board games but for the children the novelty is wearing off to so its hard to get everyone enthusiastic. MIL seems to like the wii, so ds dutifully plays tennis with her.

Errata - Lol!

Big Black cat - That's the problem, last night I sunk 2 vodka's and 2/3 of a bottle of wine and it's just not good doing it all the time they are here - I can normally be restrained but I just need to unwind in the evening whilst they are here and OH is the same. Fil does buy some nice wines, though.....

Meritaten - Lol! and yes you are right - they mean well but it's just so intense. I come from a very British family where we get on great but it's with limited emotion and that suits me fine!

Viola Lass - A couple of times they have stayed in hotels when we didn't have room but we do now and I could never make them not stay with us, even though deep down I wouldn't mind it.

Becles

Get a dog. If it all gets too much, you can say the dog needs a walk and escape

gingin_2

Becles wrote: »

Get a dog. If it all gets too much, you can say the dog needs a walk and escape

Lol! My 2 house cats aren't very pleased at that suggestion... :cool:

MrsWoolfe

Hiya,

I do really feel for you as I've had this in the past with family from overseas and my "adopted" SIL is going through this now ( I've called her husband Bhaiya- Big Brother- since we were little and as far as I'm concerned he IS a brother...but he does have family of his own back in Mauritius...) in her case however, they have been here for more than a month already- will be leaving on 4th Jan...add to this she has just had a new baby and had a difficult labour, I think the woman is a saint to be able to cope with all of it as they are not easy to cope with at the best of times:eek:

As we have a lot of friends and family around where my folks live, each will spend a day/evening with them round at theirs, and this takes the pressure off the person who is hosting- for example one of my Dad's friends this week is taking them up to Windsor for the day, another will have them over for dinner the day after my Mum is having them over today and will invite people over for drinks and nibbles tonight so everyone gets the chance to catch up...

I know it sounds like a lot to ask, but because we all do it for each other no-one seems to mind- whilst I know our set up might be unusual and not easy for other people, but do you have any good friends/more distant rellies who might be willing to spend a day with them? I'm not saying to farm them off on others the whole time- just to give yourself a little break?

Also do you do anything one-on-one with MIL? a day out wandering the shops together/visiting somewhere might be a good idea- you can leave FIL to watch tellie if he's happy with that you and her go out and do something nice- it can help to alleviate the tension/stress when you are all cooped up together day in day out....


not sure if any of that helps, but hope something does....and despite all of that which works with most of our guests the above mentioned FIL is still a PITA I went over last weekend to see them and after two hours was itching to get away!

HTH

MrsWoolfe

Wickedkitten

gingin wrote: »

Lol! My 2 house cats aren't very pleased at that suggestion... :cool:

Dress the cat up like a small terrier, and do it anyway

Mayflower10cat

Deep empathy will EVERYONE'S experiences here. We've had the inlaws come to stay for Christmas for the last two years. After the first year, I actually sat and wrote down the whole grisly story to get it off my chest. I showed it to my Mum (and she naughtily passed it around the family), but they all saw the humour (that I hadn't really intended to be there!) and it did give them all a wry laugh. The second year FiL and DH had a massive row which had been bubbling under the Christmas sherry and fake cheer for days. MiL refused to accept that FiL was utterly in the wrong and was in floods of whisky induced tears (bottle hidden behind the breadmaker, as FiL doesn't like her drinking....) making things worse rather then better.

And, the unwanted food gifts that always accompany them..... Each time they come to stay, we 'agree' that they'll bring one edible contribution as I love cooking and we are very happy to spoil our guests with the best we can afford, especially at Christmas. Please forgive me for sounding dreadfully, horribly ungateful here;- MiL cooks because she has to, not because she enjoys it and they baulk at buying 'expensive wine' (Read - anything costing more than £3.99 a bottle). I am presented with 6 bottles of wine from countries I've never heard of, all unpleasant, rather than doing what we suggested and buying just ONE bottle of Fizz, which would have been cheaper! They buy the cheapest smoked salmon they can find and freeze it, so after the long car ride it's semi-defrosted and has to be eaten - despite me buying a small pack of delicious, wild smoked salmon which just melts in your mouth. On being offered the organic salmon, MiL loooked at it doubtfully and said - 'I don't fancy that it looks a funny colour....'

Oh I could go on. But I don't want to hijack the thread! Happy Christmas everyone xx

brokenlily

No advice really just sympathy - I quite like my inlaws in small doses, but for a month? Nooooo!