The road less travelled

daviecol

Well finally the difficult journey has paid off.

Many years ago when the government scrapped the married tax allowance and introduced child tax credits my family were one of the ones who became worse off.

Being in a stable marriage with two young children whilst both working was considered by the government to be discouraged in every financial way. Minimum child tax credits, no rebates, deductions. Part of the 'you pay for all the others who aren't as responsible as you are' brigade.

Yes being on a joint income of under 30k a year whilst buying and running a house with two kids has been hard.

Trying to explain that we can't afford the luxuries that our kids friends get because their parents split up so their mams get huge child tax credits, rent rebate, poll tax rebate. And because dad doesn't live with them he buys their love with contract phones and cash.

Yes it's been hard. But you know what? It's been worth it because my kids are now 20 and 18 and they both work because they understand the concept of needing to earn to pay your way in life.
No more struggling to give them dinner money, pocket money, buy them clothes, travel money mobile top ups and on and on. Those days are gone my friends, now they pay me board. Only £25 a week each, not a lot but enough to make them understand that having a roof over your head doesn't come free when your a responsible adult (and they are). The fact I now get board money and don't have to pay for all the other stuff means I am now around £400 a month better off!!

The measly child tax credits have stopped and no more child benefit. But you know what? Doesn't matter because we hardly got any thing any way because we both earn to pay our way.

So those 'lucky' ones who were living for free begin to see their benefit entitlements disappear and wonder who's going to pay their bills for them now? And those dads who have become tired of handing out their money to buy love from grown up kids start to keep their cash for themselves.

So to all those out there with a partner and kids, who work hard and receive minimum benefits I salute you! I know it's hard but you are doing the right thing for your family and, one day just like me you will be glad you weren't one of the lets rely on benefits brigade.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

onlyroz

Why spend your life feeling bitter over those things you imagine other people to be getting, rather than feeling proud of what you have achieved yourself?

Mac2308

One of the best posts I've ever seen on this site!

Merry Christmas.

basscadette

onlyroz wrote: »

Why spend your life feeling bitter over those things you imagine other people to be getting, rather than feeling proud of what you have achieved yourself?

There's nothing wrong with being annoyed that so many people get a free ride under the current system. Having worked in the benefits dept of an LA, I can promise you there is no question of 'imagine' - it's happening but even how benefits are doled out is unfair on those who do rely on them!

Good post OP:T

Lotus-eater

You should try it on about £20k. We worked out we would be better off dropping hours down to £16k the other day. Makes little sense tbh.

daviecol

onlyroz wrote: »

Why spend your life feeling bitter over those things you imagine other people to be getting, rather than feeling proud of what you have achieved yourself?

Your right I have been bitter for many years. I remember when child ta credits were introduced and I lost my married tax allowance, I was £70 per month worse off. I was telling one of the mothers in the school yard while we were waiting to pick our kids up. She couldn't believe I was worse off, she was in her owns words 'hundreds of pounds a month better off'.

When we had our first child we had taken the plunge and bought our own flat a few years earlier. By the time we had planned our first child we had decorated our flat and already saved some money for a rainy day.

The lady I was chatting to in the school yard had become pregnant by mistake after having unprotected sex in a back lane outside a night club. I know this because our kids followed each other through school so we came to 'know' each other.

I can tell you that this lady has had a very comfortable life on benefits, this is a true story.

Some thing has gone very very very wrong when people get rewarded for making mistakes and behaving irresponsibly. While decent people are made to pay for it.

I'm not completely hard faced, people do make mistakes and accidents do happen, however being a responsible person means taking responsibility for yourself. If 2 people make a baby then they have to live with the fact they need to be able to earn enough to provide for it accident or not! It's not up to me and other taxpayers to provide for these people.

Unfortunately the only way we can stop this irresponsible behaviour from some is to make them terrified of getting pregnant because it would lead to a life of poverty and misery, sad but true.

cheepskate_2

The thing that really gets me is how.....when working 16hours a week they say......Why should i work more, dont get any extra, then belittle people who work hard and have a decent/higher income, those same people who are working full time to allow, via their tax . , these people to have tax credits.

Plans_all_plans

Well I'm a mother in a family in the same situation as you were. Our earnings are under 30k and we have (soon to be) 2 children. I also have a single friend on benefits with 2 children and she is well off financially in comparison to us.

HOWEVER, I would not swap places with her for all the world. She has to do everything herself without support and her children are growing up without their father: you can't put a price on the fact that our children have 2 involved parents. Her children don't deserve to suffer and I am proud we live in a country where there is a safety net.

There is no point feeling bitterness towards other people: it will only eat you up.

I always think: there but for the grace of God go I. Money isn't everything.

onlyroz

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

HOWEVER, I would not swap places with her for all the world. She has to do everything herself without support and her children are growing up without their father: you can't put a price on the fact that our children have 2 involved parents. Her children don't deserve to suffer and I am proud we live in a country where there is a safety net.

There is no point feeling bitterness towards other people: it will only eat you up.

Exactly. Life is too short to spend it looking over your shoulder at other people. I am rightly proud of the fact that I can get on without benefits (apart from CB, which I expect to lose in a few years), and I think the OP should be too.

Lunar_Eclipse

daviecol wrote: »

Trying to explain that we can't afford the luxuries that our kids friends get because their parents split up so their mams get huge child tax credits, rent rebate, poll tax rebate. And because dad doesn't live with them he buys their love with contract phones and cash.

Whilst I agree with your sentiment of taking responsibility for your own needs and am pleased things are much better for you now than years ago, I'm not sure how healthy your attitude is to those who are better off than you financially.

I don't believe most people, in a failing relationship, are thinking about how much better off they'll be financially, if they separate. At best, it's a minority of families that actually are better off financially after separation (I'm surprised there are any actually), and that would offer most parents little comfort knowing the family unit had been divided.

The blessing in your situation is that your family is still together, surely? Most kids get that, deep down perhaps, even if they do make you feel bad about not being able to afford things sometimes.

And yes, the journey is hard. ;-)

Alikay

We've also stayed above the benefits level all our lives. Even when mortgage rates were sky high - so despite being on average earnings we barely had enough to feed and clothe our family. Things are different now and we've virtually paid off the mortgage, have a much higher income and 2 of our 3 children already independent (never got board money though - one married and moved out before graduating and the other had to move away to find work:D).

I just feel really lucky though: Lucky that we've all had good health, lucky that we're a happy close little family, lucky that we've had the support of great parents who'd have never let us starve or our kids go without decent shoes (they never did have to step in btw, but the knowledge that they would if needed has been priceless). Many people who have claimed all sorts of benefits, have done so because they've not been so fortunate.