The road less travelled

elvis86

Person_one wrote: »

I'm curious as to why you chose the title 'The Road Less Travelled'.

Do you honestly believe that you are special, unique and different? That there aren't thousands of other families getting by on about 30K p/a (which is not exactly shockingly low, you could live very nicely on that in my part of the world) and managing to do so without picking up a weird martyr/victim mentality along the way?

Whilst I agree with the OP's sentiments (that those who are abusing the benefits system/ending up better off sitting on their ar5e having kids they can't support should be [STRIKE]sterilised[/STRIKE] prevented from doing so), we differ because unlike the OP, I'm not under the misguided impression that these people are in the majority, supported by the myself and the remaining few hardworking folk.:cool:

There are too many people living comfortably on benefits, granted. But hard working people far outweight them. They must do, else there would be no tax revenue to fund these generous benefits!

Person_one

daviecol wrote: »

It's the title of a well known book.

I thought it was a poem...

How does it apply to your situation?

churchrat

Merry Christmas to all

I am glad that all has turned out well for you, Davicol, but I also feel a bit sorry for you as well. We are the same as you, both in fairly low paid jobs (nurses), a bit older ( I am 51 and we finish the mortgage next year) and have children much the same age as yours.

One of my children has had ill health from age 9, and will always find life difficult. We fell in terrible debt about a year or so after she was first diagnosed. We never qualified for any benefits (although I WOULD have taken them) and I have lost count of the times when the worry about everything piled up and I could barely even cry.

Like you, we are much better off (money wise), mortgage paid, no debt and oh likes his job. I would give up every penny, get into loads of debt if my dd could be well again. If she could one day have children of her own or even just go through a winter without catching something deadly. But it is not going to happen and I am just grateful that she is still here and driving me mad!!!

But, you know something? I have never, until you made me think about it, have thought that someone on benefits was better off than me. I am not talking about money, I mean self respect, more control over my life, trust in a family and being part of a community which supports me and my family. We have friends and an extended family that we love and argue with---and we are really, really lucky.

I have had a good life and when I think about the bad times, the fact that some people get benefits is not the first (or even last) thing I think about. You sound as tho you have a great family and a happy home, let go of the bitterness before it starts to hurt you. Why have you let it worm inside you for all this time, taking up room you could use for something else? Do you do things in your local community? school governor, charity helper/ wild life conservationist? help out at christmas shelter? Do your children do any of this? My dd helps at a local childrens charity and ds2 works at a deaf club near his university.
I have just read that last bit back and I think it might come across as preachy or bragging, when its not mean to be. I'm trying to say that sometimes bitterness and resentment can fill up space that could be used to make your life even better.

going to shut up now cos I'm getting my self confused.

Person_one

elvis86 wrote: »

Whilst I agree with the OP's sentiments (that those who are abusing the benefits system/ending up better off sitting on their ar5e having kids they can't support should be [STRIKE]sterilised[/STRIKE] prevented from doing so), we differ because unlike the OP, I'm not under the misguided impression that these people are in the majority, supported by the myself and the remaining few hardworking folk.:cool:

There are too many people living comfortably on benefits, granted. But hard working people far outweight them. They must do, else there would be no tax revenue to fund these generous benefits!

Do you know any families that live their lives on benefits with no intention of working?

I do. Its a pretty miserable existence, devoid of ambition and aspiration, isolated, narrow, no chance of any change or much excitement.

They don't starve and they can watch daytime TV if they want but I wouldn't swap for anything.

Person_one

churchrat wrote: »

Merry Christmas to all

I am glad that all has turned out well for you, Davicol, but I also feel a bit sorry for you as well. We are the same as you, both in fairly low paid jobs (nurses), a bit older ( I am 51 and we finish the mortgage next year) and have children much the same age as yours.

One of my children has had ill health from age 9, and will always find life difficult. We fell in terrible debt about a year or so after she was first diagnosed. We never qualified for any benefits (although I WOULD have taken them) and I have lost count of the times when the worry about everything piled up and I could barely even cry.

Like you, we are much better off (money wise), mortgage paid, no debt and oh likes his job. I would give up every penny, get into loads of debt if my dd could be well again. If she could one day have children of her own or even just go through a winter without catching something deadly. But it is not going to happen and I am just grateful that she is still here and driving me mad!!!

But, you know something? I have never, until you made me think about it, have thought that someone on benefits was better off than me. I am not talking about money, I mean self respect, more control over my life, trust in a family and being part of a community which supports me and my family. We have friends and an extended family that we love and argue with---and we are really, really lucky.

I have had a good life and when I think about the bad times, the fact that some people get benefits is not the first (or even last) thing I think about. You sound as tho you have a great family and a happy home, let go of the bitterness before it starts to hurt you. Why have you let it worm inside you for all this time, taking up room you could use for something else? Do you do things in your local community? school governor, charity helper/ wild life conservationist? help out at christmas shelter? Do your children do any of this? My dd helps at a local childrens charity and ds2 works at a deaf club near his university.
I have just read that last bit back and I think it might come across as preachy or bragging, when its not mean to be. I'm trying to say that sometimes bitterness and resentment can fill up space that could be used to make your life even better.

going to shut up now cos I'm getting my self confused.

:T:T:T:T:T:T aaa

Person_one

Marisco wrote: »

Take your pick!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_9?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=the+road+less+travelled&sprefix=the+road+

I'm going to assume the OP is referring to the self help garbage.

elvis86

Person_one wrote: »

Do you know any families that live their lives on benefits with no intention of working?

I do. Its a pretty miserable existence, devoid of ambition and aspiration, isolated, narrow, no chance of any change or much excitement.

They don't starve and they can watch daytime TV if they want but I wouldn't swap for anything.

I don't understand your point? You're asking me to feel sorry for someone who actively has no intention of working and is content to live on benefits?

I don't want their lives, either. And I pity them for being such pathetic human beings. But equally, I don't want them to have the choice to live like that, and I don't want my taxes to pay for them to.

I come into contact with loads of people living on benefits through my work. A lot of them have no intention of seeking employment whatsoever, but I accept that this isn't representative of everyone on benefits due to the nature of my job.

But the fact remains that there are far too many people in this country who see life on benefits as a viable life choice. As another poster said earlier, the obvious solution is to make life on benefits as uneappealing as possible. However, as someone else said, to do so would be damaging to these people's children who, after all, didn't ask to be carelessly conceived. It's a hard balance to strike. But IMO someone has to try.

churchrat

elvis86 wrote: »

I don't understand your point? You're asking me to feel sorry for someone who actively has no intention of working and is content to live on benefits?

I don't want their lives, either. And I pity them for being such pathetic human beings. But equally, I don't want them to have the choice to live like that, and I don't want my taxes to pay for them to.

I come into contact with loads of people living on benefits through my work. A lot of them have no intention of seeking employment whatsoever, but I accept that this isn't representative of everyone on benefits due to the nature of my job.

But the fact remains that there are far too many people in this country who see life on benefits as a viable life choice. As another poster said earlier, the obvious solution is to make life on benefits as uneappealing as possible. However, as someone else said, to do so would be damaging to these people's children who, after all, didn't ask to be carelessly conceived. It's a hard balance to strike. But IMO someone has to try.

I think that this is more a response to the op, who has said that he feels bitterness and resentment towards people who receive benefits, because that was the point of the opening post. I dont think person one was asking you to feel sorry for them, just for the op not to feel that they are better off than him.

Person_one

elvis86 wrote: »

I don't understand your point? You're asking me to feel sorry for someone who actively has no intention of working and is content to live on benefits?

I don't want their lives, either. And I pity them for being such pathetic human beings. But equally, I don't want them to have the choice to live like that, and I don't want my taxes to pay for them to.

I come into contact with loads of people living on benefits through my work. A lot of them have no intention of seeking employment whatsoever, but I accept that this isn't representative of everyone on benefits due to the nature of my job.

But the fact remains that there are far too many people in this country who see life on benefits as a viable life choice. As another poster said earlier, the obvious solution is to make life on benefits as uneappealing as possible. However, as someone else said, to do so would be damaging to these people's children who, after all, didn't ask to be carelessly conceived. It's a hard balance to strike. But IMO someone has to try.

I'm talking about people who have never been in a normal working family. The idea of working for a living is completely alien to them, they would stand pretty much zero chance of ever getting or keeping a job.

These people are the now grown up children of parents who never worked. They now have their own children who risk being stuck in the same cycle themselves. A life on benefits is unappealing to most people but its all some ever know.

Making sure they don't starve is important, but that's not all that matters. They need to be shown a different life is possible and desirable, that's the tricky part.

elvis86

Person_one wrote: »

I'm talking about people who have never been in a normal working family. The idea of working for a living is completely alien to them, they would stand pretty much zero chance of ever getting or keeping a job.

These people are the now grown up children of parents who never worked. They now have their own children who risk being stuck in the same cycle themselves. A life on benefits is unappealing to most people but its all some ever know.

Making sure they don't starve is important, but that's not all that matters. They need to be shown a different life is possible and desirable, that's the tricky part.

I get the whole "carrot is better than a stick" approach. But sometimes I can't help but think that what these people actually need to be shown, is that if you can: you work. Whether you like it or not, whether it pays a decent wage or not. It's what you do. There shouldn't be a "choice" not to.

I absolutely believe in a benefits system to act as a safety net when people are in need, but if anyone is choosing to have children and raise them on benefits, then they're obviously too generous.