The New Me And Our Quest To Become Debt Free And Have Self Belief

moongarden

chin up weller. your first post brought tears to my eyes and later ones made me mad. i have similar issues with my father.
anyway it sounds like your young 'un is a loving and caring sort of kid so it sounds to me like you are doing a great job.

also, i'm sure many of us would say we didn't have "normal" or "conventional" childhoods. i remember hearing my father and mother screaming drunken abuse at each other and being violent towards each other - looking at them as an adult i see that neither of them have any real self control and i feel sorry for them both in different ways.

on the other hand i have just come back from doing voluntary service in the gambia, west africa, where i stayed with a local family in a rural village where poverty is the norm and many of the parents cannot afford to send their kids to school or buy them a new pair of plastic shoes when they need them.

you are able to do several important things - feed them healthy food, get them any medical care they need, send them to school whether you have any money or not, take an interest in their development and give them unconditional love.

anyway i just wanted to wish you well.

LookingAhead

Hi Lisa.

Your Mum is going into the "ramping up" stage now. She's basically having a big tantrum and you not giving her the attention is going to make it a bit worse for a while before it gets better.

Keep going, do whatever you feel is right.

But do not give in to her mind games if you do begin to communicate with her again....at this stage she will be trying every trick in the book to get her own way.

Good luck, stay strong.

LA xx

moonlightpjs

Really bad day today as had a phone call from my CPN who informed me that the Social Service had been in touch with the unit yesterday that she works for asking questions about me. My mum has the number for the unit as does my husband in case I got really bad though they dont have my CPN's direct number.
Anway my CPN was given the details by the Doctor in charge of the unit, Social Services had asked for details about my mental state, was I coping with my children, were they at any risk,did he think that I would benefit from the help of SS etc etc. My CPN assured me that any information given to them was positive about me and that they didn't think there was a need for them to get involved in anyway and SS said fine, they just had to follow up the concern of "others" but wouldn't divulge the names of these "others".

Obviously I know who "others" is but though I knew she was out of her tree and despite her threats - I really never thought she'd do this, niave maybe but I expected the letters, e-mails etc but I really didn't think she'd go through with this threat. I thought there must be at least an ounce of love for me. Obviously not.

How do you come to terms with the fact that your mother really doesn't love you and will do anything to destroy you.

Needles to say I have spent much of the day in tears, awful thoughts going through my head but am now feeling resigned to the fact that any relationship I had with my Mum is now over and I HAVE got to tell my Dad everything because he is the only one who could possibly make her stop.

I am hurting like you wouldn't believe and I think my husband is a saint for putting with all this but after half a day of trears and anger I now know its needs to be stopped and stopped now. My CPN is coming tomorrow to have a talk and we have arranged for a babysitter for a couple of huors tomorrow evening so that Andy and I can go to Mum and Dads and tell my Dad everything, show him the letters and e-mails. I don't know wherther to think shes ill or just plain evil. I don't know anything anymore. I dont know how she'll react - I just don't know but its got to be done. I don't have any options left open to me now.

Feel very numb so am going to try and get some sleep now.

ZTD

Nothint I can say but :grouphug:

Pink_butterfly_3

Hi Weller

I haven't posted on this thread but I have been reading it with interest.

I'm so sorry your having to go through all this. I think though, telling your dad about all this is the best thing to do. Good luck xxxxx

As for Social Services, they'll be able to see what a wonderful mother you are. They have to check these things I suppose but no matter what your mum trys to do, the truth will always prevail!

What a nasty piece of work she is. She deserves locking up.

((((((((((( Massive HUGS to you ))))))))))))

Sea78

Hi

I've been following this thread and I'm so sorry that she has done this. It really is just the lowest of the low. I am pleased that you're going to go and sit and talk it through, showing your dad the letters etc. It's just terrible, but it's also blatently obvious that you are a FABULOUS mum and in no way to blame for anything she's done, or is going to do. I think you have been really strong to cope with all this, as well as being a DFW and deal with everyday stress as well. Sending you loads of love and strength and will be thinking of you tomorrow night. I so hope you manage to have some good rest tonight.

Sea xxx

Garetha

:grouphug: hang in there - you're winning!:grouphug:

freebird65

I can only agree with others....you come across as a fab and caring Mum. You've done all you can to keep the lines of communication open with your "mother", but there comes a time when you have to put yourself first.

I can identify here as what my Mum has done to me makes most peoples' jaws drop in the "Mum's don't do that kind of stuff to their kids" kind of way......but sadly, they sometimes do. You have the love of your OH and kids - fight back and don't let her win - if this includes cutting off contact, then so be it. Even if that seems harsh, sometimes it's the only way.

Whatever happens, keep posting cos we're all behind you, keeping our fingers crossed and sending hugs your way!!!

Snaggles

Weller (((hug)))

So sorry you had to go through all the stuff with Social Services.....but.....

This is a victory for you - she threatened, you didn't give in, she did what she was threatening to do, and what has happened???? Well, not very much really......Social Services are not taking your kids away, the unit have backed you (and your ability to be a good Mother) 100%. They didn't even feel Social Services needed to be involved to offer support, never mind take your kids away.

Your Mum has done the one thing you were terrified of, and it didn't work....she's got nothing left to threaten you with now.

I can't even begin to imagine how hard this has been for you, you have been amazingly strong and brave. I hope this is the catalyst for the recovery process to start for you and your lovely family. Your husband sounds fantastic - he's probably quite relieved that things have finally come to a head, so you can start tackling the problem.

Just a suggestion but would it be better to meet your Dad on neutral ground, ie not at their (or your) house? It might make things easier for all of you if no-one feels as though they are walking into the lions den (so to speak).

Take care and try and get some sleep (says me, still awake at this time of night/day lol).

Dumyat

your mum has played her final card and its failed. in a way its good she has. you dont have to fear social services now. they obviously are very happy with what the CPN told them.
she has nothing left to blackmail you with. weller you have all the power in this situation and after you tell your dad she will have nothing!
I'm sure it will get messy tonight. but there is nothing to be gained in keeping secrets. its good your CPN is coming over. I'm sure she'll have lots of advice and support for you.

it wont be just you and andy tonight - we will all be rooting for you here. we all know you are a fabulous mum. its very sad that she will never be that for you.