Time to Take Control

mandz1

Hi WIC, just a quick message from me as im doing the kids dinner.

I dont own a car, but i think you are being totally reasonable about the car, you are getting married to this guy so everything should be equal, including household and car expenses. If he thinks its too much, just tell him to buy his own car, he will soon back down as £20 a week to drive your car is alot cheaper than having to pay out for one of his own.

Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, but i always believe a couple should be made up of two equals

wannabee_in_credit

rising_from_the_ashes wrote: »

Hi Wannabe - don't know how I've not stumbled upon your diary before!

Can't believe the *big day* is almost here!

Re the car ...... it depends on how many mpg your car does?

I'm a 15 mile round trip too - it costs me around £2 / trip (depending on what the price is at!) - but that's obviously just fuel & not running costs so I guess it depends on whether you're going to incl these too?

We have a big, old car that does about 30mpg. I spend £45 a week on petrol when I'm at work, and I do a 30 mile round trip so about half seems fair to me. Thing is, it costs me best part of £500 a month in terms of still paying the blimming finance off, maintenance, petrol, insurance etc and I pay it all. I don't think £20 a week is unreasonable as he pays nothing at all towards the car normally, as he doesn't normally use it.

Nice to see you here rising...

I'm with you Mandz - I've told him to buy his own car if he's that desperate - then he can see for himself how much it costs to run. We have a deal that we cover the household expenses between us (in a 65/35 ratio to me as I earn more) but then what's left after that is ours to do with what we want. Mine goes on running the car, paying of debt and the ocassional night out/takeaway/dvd etc - his goes on football and random weekends away hiring a car and driving around Scotland. People think that's a bit weird, but I think that if we have the house and kids sorted between us then what's left should be ours to do with what we want to. I don't ask his permission to buy new clothes etc, and he chooses to go off on a 'Bear Grylls' weekend when he wants to.
It worked better than when we had a joint account and he hated me spending so much money. And now I've had my lbm I'd be chucking all his pocket money at my debt if it were a joint account, which isn't fair as the vast majority of it is mine and mine alone.
I really hope I feel much better very soon because I've had a rough week this week.

wannabee_in_credit

My goodness, never, ever again!
I had my hen do last week - lovely night out, dinner with friends, drinks a show, more drinks. Lift home at 11pm - slept through and comforted myself with my poor hangover all day Sunday.
OH went on his stag do last night - he hadn't wanted one, he's very shy and doesn't have many friends. I rounded up a few people and bought them tickets to the dogs. He went into town to watch football, then off to the dogs.
He was meant to be getting a lift home with my stepdad but sent a text saying him and BIL were going on elsewhere after the dogs for more drinks. About 5 of them went on to more pubs and then at 1am I got a phone call from one of my friends saying they had 'lost' him and that he and my BIL were looking for him but having no luck. Then I got another phone call, same friend had now misplaced BIL as well. Neither answering their phones...
Now OH has suffered badly with depression and about a million possibilities went through my mind of him hurting himself/having an accident/getting mugged/being in a fight. Plus missing BIL, my gorgeous sister says he's a prat when he's drunk (so he was already in the bad books with her). So I kept trying to ring OH, no answer, text no reply. Friend text to say he had to go home but had spoken to the police and nobody had picked either of them up.
I've been up since 1am, listening to every car drive up and down the street and every footstep on the pavement, and ringing every hour getting more and more frantic about it. Having this awful argument in my head between my rational and irrational self. Finally, he answered the phone at 7am. He'd passed out when he'd gone for some air and woken up in amongst some bags of clothes that had been donated at a charity shop. I'm SO relieved, but so peeved as well - I've been up all night worrying so I'm shattered - the kids are going to be wanting entertained all day, and he's getting the first bus home which means he'll be in about half nine this morning.
I've text my sister asking about BIL but had no reply... I just hope that he's ok, she's not too angry with him and that she's not fed up with me because of it.
What is it with him? I got very drunk but still managed to find my way home without incident. Is it a boy thing, or is it an irresponsible thing?

Jazee

Just found and read some of your diary.

Re last night, it's a boy thing.

Have a cuppa, try to relax and enjoy the next week or so before the wedding. You're bound to be a bit wound up in the run up, its natural as there is so much going on and you seem to have a very busy life.

Look after yourself. One day you will probably laugh together about last night.

wannabee_in_credit

Hi all,

and hi Jazee - nice to see you, and thanks for posting.
The days and weeks are just flying by in a blur now, and I really can't believe that this time next week I'll be married! OH is finally starting to show some signs of interest and excitement about the whole thing. I'm gradually getting more and more stressed and frazzled about it, but determined that I'm going to enjoy the day.
I've given up on mse until after the wedding, there are so many bits of things here and there that I just have no money, and still need or want more stuff. Thankfully I don't have credit available to me to spend it so I actually can't overdo it.
Checked my online banking this morning and can't quite figure it out - it's showing a credit for Tuesday which will be the child benefit but not as much as I expected, which means there must be some other payment coming out which I'd forgotten about. I must get a hang on my spending diary again. August is always going to be a tough month as I'm a teacher, but this one with the wedding has been particularly tough.
Oh, by the way OH slept for 2 whole days after his stag do. No sympathy from me whatsoever. Turned out BIL had been putting vodka in his pints, so he gets no sympathy either for having to spend a fortune getting a taxi home on his own.
So, the remaining wedding expenses to pay are flowers, cake, suits, hotel, hair and makeup. Everything else seems to be done (famous last words). We had a family of 5 drop out of the wedding yesterday, which I do understand, but it's really last minute, they are all paid for, and there were only 60 people invited to the day anyway. I asked a family invited to the evening if they'd like to come all day and they've said yes. I felt a bit weird asking but they seemed to be really thrilled. I mean it's paid for so we may as well use it.
Just written my to do list, which so far has 23 things on it. They're all little bits which I'm going to feel much better about once I start ticking them off.
So I will try and be on here keeping up and reporting in but I may get a bit quiet for a while.
xxx:beer:

newroadahead

Less than a week and you will be Mrs, I'm sure everything will be all right on the night as they say.

Try not to stress too much and just make sure you enjoy the day.

Hope OH enjoys the day too, maybe a 2 day hangover will make him think twice about going overboard again....you never know

Anyway in case I don't get on enjoy before the big day


Huge Congratulations and I hope you will both be very very happy.


love

NRA

PS I did try to download wedding type smilies but they just don't seem to work for me :rotfl:

wannabee_in_credit

Eeeeeeeek!
I get married THIS WEEK! I get married in 4 days. :j:j:j
I had the best night's sleep for ages last night - OH was there in bed with me, not out and about with me wondering if he's ok, or clattering about downstairs like an elephant.
I really think that August has been one of my least MSE months since my lbm. That combination of being off work (not that I'm complaining ) and having the wedding looming large. I've just paid off the flowers this morning - all that's left to pay is cake, hotel, hair and makeup. I'm SO excited... I've been really nervous but today it's all excitement. Mind you, my bank account and savings are looking very scary today I have to say. I've pledged to myself that September will be my new start back on the bandwagon, it has to be. Christmas will be the next thing, and I have both kids birthdays in September as well.
This week I'll try and keep an eye on the small stuff whilst I'm busy paying for the bigger stuff and hopefully I'll get straight back into it once Friday is done.
:cool:

Jazee

Just wanted to say good luck for the wedding.

wannabee_in_credit

Well, I thought I'd pop on quickly to say goodbye for now to everyone who reads on here. The wedding is tomorrow - this week has been absolutely manic and there have been more than a couple of hiccups on the way - not least my venue redecorating the ceremony room in black (!).
My poor bank account has had it, and I am as skint as a skint thing, but the good news is that I don't owe any money and haven't gotten into more debt paying for the wedding. It feels good to pay for things that you've saved up for rather than just dumping them onto the credit card or overdraft.
I've got (hopefully) a quite relaxed day today. Took all of the stuff up to the venue yesterday and ran through the plan for the day. All that's left is to collect the cake and get it to the venue in one piece, plus a last minute bag of stuff that I forgot yesterday. Then OH is off to the hotel tonight, while I stay at home with the kids having a stress free evening of bathing and pampering with a takeaway and a dvd.
I'll report in on the other side. Thanks everyone for all your help, support, advice and for reading my ramblings.
xxx

Keeping_Motivated

Have a lovely day...enjoy and don't stress about anyone or anything its your day and you've worked hard for it so its up to everyone else now to make sure they have a good day you've provided the setting so enjoy it yourself!