you know when all you lovely people give advice...

postingalwaysposting

lynzpower wrote:

Do you have a list of the money she owes you? Could you stick it on the fridge or othersuch?

Why are you consistently paying the bills and she giving you the money back? wny Cant she open a seperate bills account (you keep the card ) and do everything on direct debit?

i did its all payed now except the bills which i have to calculate when they take it... i have not charged her for the gas and electric i put on my cc...

this is a tough one... it started with her debt repayment bill... she offered them a monthly amount but would just carry on spending the money so the direct debit would bonce hence not geting paid... so she gave the debt company my account (with my permission) and they take £100 a month...

but £120 i am supposed to give to mum for house keeping but it pays that bill leaving £20 (depending on how many fridays are in that 'month' (my month works from the 15th~15th) so it could be £50) that pays for £11 bt line rental (i pay that as i wanted the internet so had to transfer the bill into my name) then £8 i put into a savings account for her for xmas... this was on account she didnt use the phone....

but she did... and she ran up a bill of nearly £100 thus the monthly bill has now gone from £35 a month to £73 a month... anyways she has payed for all the phone calls up till january... i have now added a £9.95 call package to the line so she no longer has the £8 savings...

but when i get my next quarterly she will owe me for jan/feb calls ... untill this package kicks in (only ordered this week) or she makes sure she doesnt go over this package

but mum being mum cant budget losing this £100 although its been going on nearly 6 months now... so we have no gas/electric... i have tryed to stop her buying expensive things (ie felix cat food ) and buying things every night she leaves work but there is ony so much i can do

kathfisch

Oh PAP, it sounds so hard for you, dealing with your own money things and so successfully clearing your debt only to take on your mum's issues! I'm not surprised you sometimes feel like saying 'stuff it all' and spending some money, when you're up against that. Its very hard to advise because you obviously need to pay for electricity and things because you need to live, but it sounds like your mum might not change her spending habits whilst you are still taking care of things for her. She needs a shock of some sort to hopefully shake her into action (and taking responsibility for her own money, not letting her daughter do it!) but if she gets into real problems and ends up not paying for stuff, that impacts you too!

I don't have any words of wisdom really but I hope you find a way to get through to her. Sometimes you need to be a bit selfish (and a bit hard on others) for the good of you and them.

Kath x

postingalwaysposting

kathfisch wrote:

Oh PAP, it sounds so hard for you, dealing with your own money things and so successfully clearing your debt only to take on your mum's issues! I'm not surprised you sometimes feel like saying 'stuff it all' and spending some money, when you're up against that. Its very hard to advise because you obviously need to pay for electricity and things because you need to live, but it sounds like your mum might not change her spending habits whilst you are still taking care of things for her. She needs a shock of some sort to hopefully shake her into action (and taking responsibility for her own money, not letting her daughter do it!) but if she gets into real problems and ends up not paying for stuff, that impacts you too!

I don't have any words of wisdom really but I hope you find a way to get through to her. Sometimes you need to be a bit selfish (and a bit hard on others) for the good of you and them.

Kath x

yes kath... its a pain really because i have to do two bills from one account... and i keep losing myself so i either have to much money in my bills account (thus leaving me less to spend) or too little... its a pain really but i dont thik she has much left to pay for the £100 one :dance: i would love to move out and let her deal with things on her own but i cant because of the rent prices in my area

tesuhoha

postingalwaysposting wrote:

well ulster wasnt an online application so for ease i went for sainsburys... i put in all my other card info and it says they will contact me within 10 days so i prob wont get it :rotfl: but its worth a try thanks for all your help

Well, I dont see why you shouldnt get it but maybe their decision about your 'credit rating' is more based on whether they can make any money out of you than if you are a risk or not. Youre not exactly going to leave the country over £500. Anyway, Im sorry if you dont get it but its always worth making the effort to save a bit of money. Please let me know in 10 days as Im keeping my fingers crossed for you. Sainsburys seems more like a people's sort of company so lets hope. Its not the end of the world if you dont get it; we're not talking about saving a fortune here but it would just be a very nice solution if you did get it.

postingalwaysposting

tesuhoha wrote:

Well, I dont see why you shouldnt get it but maybe their decision about your 'credit rating' is more based on whether they can make any money out of you than if you are a risk or not. Youre not exactly going to leave the country over £500. Anyway, Im sorry if you dont get it but its always worth making the effort to save a bit of money. Please let me know in 10 days as Im keeping my fingers crossed for you. Sainsburys seems more like a people's sort of company so lets hope. Its not the end of the world if you dont get it; we're not talking about saving a fortune here but it would just be a very nice solution if you did get it.

thanks tes i will add to this thread the yes/no... i hope i do get it... the stress will come off me a bit then but i must admit i have found more money in one of my accounts i blame all this budgeting i am doing :rotfl: so on the 15th if this isnt taken (for any bills or such like ~ shouldnt do) i now have £140 to put to it straight away... but the lady phoned up yesterday about the money mum lent (posted about it recently) and she wants it asap... so unless the cheque returns from the tax office this week with the correct name on it i will have to use the money transferred out of my savings account (and some of this £140) to put towards my mums £70 (that i have) to give this lady back her money :mad: if its not something then its something else :mad: i will get there though

tesuhoha

I know the feeling. Its one step forward and two steps back. Is there any way you could train for a better paid job. I was thinking about you earlier when I was tidying up. You seem like a very determined sort of person. When you are debtfree again or before if you get the 0% how about putting away a small amount of money that you will not allow yourself to touch for you. For a training course or something. I think everyone is trying to point out that youve got to look after No 1 and thats it, you need to put yourself first. You are young and you need to plan for your future. How about doing evening classes or even an Open University course that will eventually allow you to earn more money? Its ok saving for a car but Im talking about a small amount that you could pretend was tax or a loan and you have to forget you have it until one day you have enough money for your course/training to better your future. Im not talking about one of those Mickey Mouse courses here but something that will help you to get on in life. I dont know how well qualified you are but you can do A Levels at evening classes. It takes 2 years of evening classes to get A Levels and they might be affordable. I hope you dont mind me saying all this but it would be nice to know that you have a better future to look forward to. However, only you can help yourself and you can do this by squirrelling some money away now. When I was young I realised that I wasnt doing too well and I learnt shorthand and typing and it has always got me work. Its more difficult nowadays but I believe that if you study and work hard it is still possible to get on. If you have a degree for instance, you can always get into teaching. Theres a young teacher where I work and she went to the school when she was young and she didnt even get a C in English GCSE. She did A Levels and went on to get a degree and now she's teaching English! So basically what I'm saying is I think you should have a think about your long term prospects if your job doesnt offer any and try to do a bit of research. You want a more comfortable life, not a life of hardship. Youre a young woman and you spend a lot of your time agonising about your debt when you should be enjoying yourself. I dont mean this as a criticism; I know you try very hard but it makes me feel sad that you are not having fun and carefree. So please think about what I say and how you can improve your career prospects in life. There are probably loads of jobs you would enjoy and could train for. I dont mean now I mean maybe in a few years time when you have saved up. Money is a terrible thing; it ruins so many lives. The only people that dont think about it are those that have it.

tealady

Reading this thread made me realise I wasn't alone in having a spl:A :A :A urge then feeling guilty. It's cos you care that you spent money, just look who you treated. Four months isn't long, give yourself a BIG hug from every one who has fell off the money saving waggon, we've all been there at some time.

postingalwaysposting

well tes... i am glad you pointed this out... i am trained in animal management (equivelent of 3 a levels) but its not want i want to do/be really... the prob is i have no maths gcse... so in september i will be going back to night college to get a gcse maths... i then either want to train as a vet nurse or in healthcare (maybe elderly people)... at the momment i serve food and clear tables in a wholesalers so i was planning to be driving before the end of the year and get an old car (ie a run around) in the mean time i will work do this gcse and save about £800/900 for a cheap car then carry on saving (in a different account) once i have enough for a car for more training but i cant decide on healthcare/vet nurse also depending on fees and area in which i have to train this may be from sep 2008/sep 2009 depending on my savings...

everyday when i go to work i think... i dont want to be here... i am better than this... i am not putting people down here but at the momment i work with 2 people who can hardly read/write... 1 girl and 1 lady who are only working (min hours) to stay of benifits... 1 lady who should be retireing next year but cant because of debt... 1 lady who is only staying because she is getting £8.00 an hour because they mucked her wages up and now the company cant drop them... and my line manger who puts the fear of god into you so you are working in fear... i am like is this what i have to do for another 48 years... i know its not and only i can change that hence the gcse... but some days i just think why...

i would have loved to go to uni but because of my mums situation there would have been no chance to do it... but there are mature students everywhere nowadays... so i am not worried about learning late in life... i just have to have the drive and finances to do that... which i will do... just a little set back here thats all...

postingalwaysposting

tealady wrote:

Reading this thread made me realise I wasn't alone in having a splurge then feeling guilty. It's cos you care that you spent money, just look who you treated. Four months isn't long, give yourself a BIG hug from every one who has fell off the money saving waggon, we've all been there at some time.

thanks tea lady

kathfisch

postingalwaysposting wrote:

everyday when i go to work i think... i dont want to be here... i am better than this... i am not putting people down here but at the momment i work with 2 people who can hardly read/write... 1 girl and 1 lady who are only working (min hours) to stay of benifits... 1 lady who should be retireing next year but cant because of debt... 1 lady who is only staying because she is getting £8.00 an hour because they mucked her wages up and now the company cant drop them... and my line manger who puts the fear of god into you so you are working in fear... i am like is this what i have to do for another 48 years... i know its not and only i can change that hence the gcse... but some days i just think why...

PAP, I know exactly how you feel! I know you work only about 2 mins from where I do (Next in the mall) and I often think about you when I'm at work, wondering if you're one of my customers lol... weird isn't it! I have totally the same feeling... not being horrible about the people I work with... but a feeling that there must be something more out there for me. I get through it by focussing on what I'm working towards (a summer job in america and then applying to go to uni again to train in something useful!) You think I'm joking but seriously... I have to stand at the front of the store for an hour at a time and smile... so that's what I went to uni to learn ... and I end up thinking about the future, about what I want to achieve... daydreaming basically!! You seem to be focussed on the future too and making plans, even if it'll take you a while to achieve them all, you're well on the way and you sound plenty motivated enough to make them happen!

Kath x