Friend not speaking to me, feeling sad & confused

olibrofiz

j.e.j. wrote: »

It sounds like the company haven't been very open and honest (and that's' the truth!) with you all and speculation and ill-feelings have now arisen about the reasons some were picked to go while others stay. Perhaps the others are feeling they've been 'got rid of'.

Is there a manager there or someone who can talk to everyone together and try to defuse the situation a bit?(can't see that happening) If not, then hurtful though it is, just try and see these 'friends' behaviour for what it is, - childish b*tching - and let them get on with it. You have done nothing wrong.

That's it tho, it's so sad that this is our last few weeks in the office all together (move to new depts after xmas) and the atmosphere is awful, awful, awful.

As we'll be on different sites as well I won't ever bump into them - so do I just leave it to carry on as it is then email after xmas saying 'been thinking of you, how you getting on' etc, etc. At the moment, if looks could kill, I really don't feel like another attempt at a 'chat'

Then I think 'oh !!!!!!, I'll never see 40 again, grow up and stop fretting about it'

euronorris

Is this new department awful or something? People move around fairly often within my company, but it's never been a reason for anyone to get so upset about?

Are they taking a demotion, and pay drop or something?

RadoJo

Could you perhaps send them an e-mail saying how sorry you are that they are being moved and that you understand how disappointing it must be for them but that you'd really like to stay friends? Even the best of friends can feel a little resentment when someone they are close to gets something they really wanted, and in this case you have got what you wanted at the expense of them getting what they wanted, albeit through no fault of your own. I think all you can do is extend the hand of friendship, hope for the best and give them time to come to terms with the situation.

Mojisola

olibrofiz wrote: »

2 of the people moving I've worked with, and been friends with, for years. They are, understandably, devastated. And they've stopped speaking to me.

olibrofiz wrote: »

They talk to the other two people that are staying

olibrofiz wrote: »

One of them I'm particularly close to, and we buy each other birthday and xmas pressies. I've already got her something this year, which I'm going to give her. Just hurt really, she's a very chatty person, a really nice person, and she's just pretty much blanked me for two weeks now.

One thing that's playing on my mind is that they called us in individually to tell us where we would be working. It was a 'either xxx or xxx go in next', and because my other friend was scared to learn the outcome, and I'm a bit 'get it over and done with', I went in first.

I've been wondering if she thought that if she had gone in first instead of me, she'd be staying. I have hard evidence that isn't the case, but feel she's probably convinced that was what happened. And my name is mud

She doesn't really think that the managers gave out the jobs that way, does she? Each person's situation will have been discussed and a decision made. What order you went in for the result would have been irrelevant and, anyway, she didn't want to go in first!

It's worrying that they talk to the other two people. It suggests they think you have done something "wrong".

victory

D o they think you have something to do with the way things got changed around? If one of them you send xmas pressies to etc could you not text her and ask her what is the matter please?

HappySaver1968

Sometimes in life, all you can really do is walk away. If they don't wish to speak with you, then that is their decision. Sorry, must really hurt. John.

closed

ask them why they are being so childish

Janey3

I agree, it's childish behaviour - none of it was your making or decision - as an employee you go or stay where the employer sees fit. It's been a shock for them, it's sad, but that's life. They're not your friends, they're work colleagues and ships that pass in the night. Try and rise above it.

purple.sarah

Oh dear that sounds awful. You haven't done anything wrong but maybe they think you're getting special treatment or they are just resentful. The decision was obviously made before you went in for the meeting and they should realise that.

You can't control other people's behaviour, only your reaction to it, be polite and professional and rise above it. At the end of the day at least you won't have to work with them much longer and will have a chance for a fresh start when they move. It's always upsetting to lose friends but you are better off without ones who would turn on you in a situation like this. I would use the christmas present to reach out to the one you are particularly close to, put a nice message in the card saying you're sad you won't be working in the same office anymore and hope it won't affect your friendship and you can still stay in touch. If she turns down that gesture it's her loss. Sometimes work issues get in the way of being close to colleagues, focus on the supportive, positive relationships in your life.

ska_lover

This is really petty behaviour. Don't waste your time on them, they sound like numptys. Don't stand for them snapping at you either