Friend not speaking to me, feeling sad & confused

olibrofiz

We've been thro a review at work, and they've re-jigged all our departments, part of which is moving people about to different offices. We didn't get to choose where we went, and we were all very keen to stay where we were.

Got the result last week, out of 6 of us they're moving 3 to another office, I've been lucky in that they want me to stay where I am . 2 of the people moving I've worked with, and been friends with, for years. They are, understandably, devastated. And they've stopped speaking to me.

Not quite sure how to handle it, and feeling really sad & down about it too. What do I do?

KiKi

Whilst it's unfair of them to stop talking to you, give them time. They're reacting to a change, they're gutted, and have to go through the process of coming to terms with things being different.

Be there, be supportive, and chat to them when you can.

No doubt you'll also get replies which say "a real friend wouldn't stop speaking to you" but the reality is that people react in different ways, and sometimes unintentionally hurt others.

Have a conversation next week with them, one on one, and tell them that you're so sorry they're going and you really hope you can still stay friends, as you've been aware that things have been strained. See what they say. It is unfair that it's being taken out on you, but many people go through that 'blame' stage when they're coming to terms with things being different.

Have a chat, reassure them you want to remain friends, and be the one to make the first move in having the conversation.

KiKi

p.s. Ah, look at that - you've already had a reply saying 'not a real friend'. People make mistakes, people react to things differently, and people take time to recover over news they're upset by. Not everyone's perfect, or a perfect friend, 100% of the time.

paulsad

Can't be real friends then...

cheepskate_2

are they friends only in work, or are you friends outside of work

olibrofiz

KiKi wrote: »

Whilst it's unfair of them to stop talking to you, give them time. They're reacting to a change, they're gutted, and have to go through the process of coming to terms with things being different.

Yeah, I'm thinking along those lines, but cutting me out completely I'm finding really difficult. They just talk to each other in whispers and go out of the office to talk.

Be there, be supportive, and chat to them when you can.

I've tried chatting, but they either ignore me, or snap at me.

No doubt you'll also get replies which say "a real friend wouldn't stop speaking to you" but the reality is that people react in different ways, and sometimes unintentionally hurt others.

Yep, I can understand that.

Have a conversation next week with them, one on one, and tell them that you're so sorry they're going and you really hope you can still stay friends, as you've been aware that things have been strained. See what they say. It is unfair that it's being taken out on you, but many people go through that 'blame' stage when they're coming to terms with things being different.

Have a chat, reassure them you want to remain friends, and be the one to make the first move in having the conversation.

KiKi

p.s. Ah, look at that - you've already had a reply saying 'not a real friend'. People make mistakes, people react to things differently, and people take time to recover over news they're upset by. Not everyone's perfect, or a perfect friend, 100% of the time.

I'm as devastated as they are, from the angle that I won't get to see them everyday. They're more concerned that they're going to a different department I think.

They talk to the other two people that are staying

olibrofiz

cheepskate wrote: »

are they friends only in work, or are you friends outside of work

As we've worked together for so long our personal lives have come into it so we've met out of work off and on as well. Know each others partners, kids etc.

olibrofiz

Ah, I'm just whittering.


One of them I'm particularly close to, and we buy each other birthday and xmas pressies. I've already got her something this year, which I'm going to give her. Just hurt really, she's a very chatty person, a really nice person, and she's just pretty much blanked me for two weeks now.


One thing that's playing on my mind is that they called us in individually to tell us where we would be working. It was a 'either xxx or xxx go in next', and because my other friend was scared to learn the outcome, and I'm a bit 'get it over and done with', I went in first.


I've been wondering if she thought that if she had gone in first instead of me, she'd be staying. I have hard evidence that isn't the case, but feel she's probably convinced that was what happened. And my name is mud

CH27

Can you try talking to her away from work?

olibrofiz

CH27 wrote: »

Can you try talking to her away from work?

Bit scared to suggest or instigate anything really, given how they're both behaving. They REALLY don't want to speak to me.

I was prepared to be moved, and just grateful that I had a job (there were redundancies) staying where i am was a bonus, and 6 months down the line I may be moved anyways.

Have felt quite ill with it all tbh, and thought 'well if I keel over...there's a silver cloud in every lining'.

j.e.j.

It sounds like the company haven't been very open and honest with you all and speculation and ill-feelings have now arisen about the reasons some were picked to go while others stay. Perhaps the others are feeling they've been 'got rid of'.

Is there a manager there or someone who can talk to everyone together and try to defuse the situation a bit? If not, then hurtful though it is, just try and see these 'friends' behaviour for what it is, - childish b*tching - and let them get on with it. You have done nothing wrong.

CH27

olibrofiz wrote: »

Bit scared to suggest or instigate anything really, given how they're both behaving. They REALLY don't want to speak to me.

I was prepared to be moved, and just grateful that I had a job (there were redundancies) staying where i am was a bonus, and 6 months down the line I may be moved anyways.

Have felt quite ill with it all tbh, and thought 'well if I keel over...there's a silver cloud in every lining'.

But they have each other as back up/wind up in the office.
If you get her on her own you may have a chance of sorting it out.