Friend not speaking to me, feeling sad & confused

Harrietxxx

Personally I would email them saying how hurt and upset you are by their behaviour, and that you can't understand why they are taking it out on you as it wasn't your decision. Say you are as upset at losing them as they are to be going and you don't deserve to be treated like they are treating you.

If they don't react like adults and continue to snap then tell em to fook off

Sambucus_Nigra

I'd just ask 'have I done something to upset you as you seem upset by me and I don't think I've done anything wrong?'

jetplane

At what point did they stop speaking to you and not the others? If they are still talking to the other two it would appear that they think that something underhand has occured. Has your company been transparent about how they decided who was staying?

At work we are all under redundancy notice and re interviewing for our jobs and I have been amazed at the sniping and speculation that is going on between collegues.

Personally if I was so friendly with them I would confront them individually and ask each of them why she has stopped speaking to me.

If you do not feel able to do this, then if you can't beat them join them and ask the two that they are speaking to to tell you why you are being ignored.

Other than that you may never know why and have to let it go but I can understand that would be hurtful and frustrating.

Plans_all_plans

The only reason I can see for them getting upset is if you have no dependents (children/elderly relatives) locally and had said "I don't mind moving, as long as I stay in a job". And that they have dependents locally and the move is very inconvenient because of this reason. I'd be pee'd off with a close friend in this situation if they didn't say "Well I've said I don't mind moving offices boss and so and so could really do with staying locally cos of her elderly mum or whatever".

Regardless, I think you should ask them outright why they are upset.

purple.sarah

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

The only reason I can see for them getting upset is if you have no dependents (children/elderly relatives) locally and had said "I don't mind moving, as long as I stay in a job". And that they have dependents locally and the move is very inconvenient because of this reason. I'd be pee'd off with a close friend in this situation if they didn't say "Well I've said I don't mind moving offices boss and so and so could really do with staying locally cos of her elderly mum or whatever".

Regardless, I think you should ask them outright why they are upset.

I don't think the employee can tell the boss what to do really. They can say they don't mind moving at the decision making stage but it's not really productive or polite to repeat it and argue when the decision has been made. The OP's colleagues really should be blaming their boss instead but they'd lose their job if they behaved so unprofessionally to the boss so they're clearly just taking it out on an easier target.

sassyblue

What a horrible situation OP, l would send a note saying what others echoed.... 'l'm really sorry you didn't get to stay in the office and l'm sad you're not talking to me but the decision had nothing to do with me and l'm upset for you too!'

If they choose to ignore you from then on, forget them.... difficult l know but you have done nothing wrong, their behaviour is nasty to say the least, l think there's more to this than you know otherwise why would they be so off with you??

Good luck OP xx

olibrofiz

Thanks all. Have been pondering your thoughts -

They've been like this since we got told 2 weeks ago. I've done the 'I feel really bad that I've been picked to stay', 'maybe you could have a chat with the boss about how you feel' - that's had no effect. Must confess that as time has gone on I've just withdrawn, started not trying to make conversation as every time i have its's been 'i don't want to talk about it' then whispering amongst themselves and talking to others in the office etc.

We all have dependants, me a teen, one has pre-teens, the other has over teens.

I can be confrontational, but cannot bring myself to be like that in this situation, i care for them, i considered them friends. I'm starting to think that, as Janey3 said, they're not friends, they're work colleagues - I think that over the years I've lost sight of that, especially in light of what's happening at the moment.

I couldn't be like that, I would have said that I was gutted moving, but was happy for the one that was staying, if that makes sense.

Tomorrow is another day, will see what happens.

victory

Some people sad as it is, have seperate compartments for work colleagues and actual friends, some work colleagues are smiled at and tolerated on a daily basis but you would never consider them anything more than a person you see at work and would not invite them to a party you were having as for actual friends, they inter lock in all sections of your life and are there at all times.

You did say though that you bought each other gifts and went out together? Surely then that is a friend or at the very least an acquaintance and therefore maybe deserves an answer as to why the silence?

olibrofiz

Final update - the silence continued although there was a bit of conversation with one while the other was off sick, she left and the other came back.

Today has been sad, the ignoring has continued, and we had to listen to the 'oh it's terrible, people aren't talking to each other'. She has obviously decided it's everyone else's fault

Anyway when I left today she was out of the office, so I just left the pressie I'd bought on her desk with a note saying hope she had a nice xmas and that things would go ok in the new dept. She texted me to say thanks.

So thank you all for listening to me whittering, it was trivial in the grand scheme of things, but you got me through it.

Janey3

Thanks for the update. Glad you got through it ok. Upwards and onwards now! Happy Christmas.