How do you know you're ready?!

make_me_wise

I think you 'know when you are ready' when you dont question the decision and wonder about doing other things. 5 years is not a big age gap in a relationship, however I do think that people change and develop alot through those years. What may feel like a natural next step to your OH at 29 may understandably not be so straightforward to you at 24.

When I was your age I was no-where near ready to have children of my own. I wanted to establish myself in my career and grow and develop as much as possible. I also had a carefree, spontanious lifestyle that I enjoyed. Hubby and I were focused on travelling, socialising, getting on the property ladder, driving nice cars and just enjoying being a couple.

My family had always advised me to enjoy being young and make the most of it before settling down and adding the responsibility of raising children into the equation.

Maybe working as a teacher showed me the realities of having kids and just how much the decision changes your life. I think alot of people decide to have children with rose tinted glasses on. Ask yourself if you are ready to put your career on hold, cope with sleepless nights, put a little one above everything else, have your finances hugely impacted, give up a lifestyle where you can pretty much come and go as you please, in a few short years be governed over doing anything by fitting it around school terms. The list is endless.

I will be honest and say that at 37 the biological clock started ticking loudly for hubby and I. Falling pregnant wasn't the straightforward journey we naively thought it would be. At nearly 40 I am heavily pregnant with twin girls. A bit of a surprise for both of us I can tell you. We feel ready for this next exciting stage of our lives now, though nervous and extremely apprehensive about how we will cope. You will know when the time is right for you, dont be rushed or pushed into something you are not 100% sure about.

VfM4meplse

If a man wishes to wear the pants at home and dictate terms, he has to wear them at work first to be the breadwinner; otherwise he is just creating problems w/o offering a solution, end of.

Soubrette wrote: »

If smart, career orientated women only want smarter, more career orientated men - there's going to be an awful lot of single women out there. I read an article about that in the guardian the other day, I thought the woman came off as a bit of a prat tbh

Edited to add - not a prat because she had extremely high standards and was single, a prat because she was very disparaging about quality of the 40 years old single men that were out there, seemingly oblivious that as a 40 year old single woman, she too has been judged by her preferred potential partners as lacking.

I see you read my interview then . I am of course perfect and not lacking in any way.

make_me_wise wrote: »

At nearly 40 I am heavily pregnant with twin girls. A bit of a surprise for both of us I can tell you. We feel ready for this next exciting stage of our lives now, though nervous and extremely apprehensive about how we will cope.

Congratulations, I am genuinely delighted for you! :T:T:T

Welshwoofs

You know what? Having kids is not the be all and end all to life. Kids are in vogue at the moment, but I can assure you that many people are perfectly content without them.

I never wanted kids; at your age Op I had people telling me "oh just wait; your clock will start ticking" - well it never did. What I wanted was an interesting life without ties. I wanted a really good career and I didn't want to be tied down to any one place or any one 'type' of life. I don't care about earning potential in a partner, but I do care that they are intelligent and have 'something about them'. That they don't end up being a millstone round my neck.

So what I'd say is; don't be pressured into it. Wait until you feel you want to and if you never feel you want to that's perfectly ok. A good career can be perfectly fulfilling - I'm at director level and get interesting job offers and opportunities. My career furnishes me with the funds to do interesting things in my spare time that I probably wouldn't be doing if I had to worry about kiddy's bedtime or funding school trips etc.

Everyone is different - it could be that your partner is pushing for a family because he has a job that doesn't stretch him and so he's looking for 'more' in his personal life.