How do you know you're ready?!

SavingPennies_2

balletshoes "The OP is in a committed relationship - you don't have to be married to be in a committed relationship"

I agree, but its about give and take. He wants her to (potentially) give up her career just as it's taking off in order to have a baby, but he isn't willing to give in to someone she wants, ie marriage.

Soubrette

onlyroz wrote: »

To be honest, I am always surprised that smart career-driven men are happy to settle for someone content to spend their life looking after the house.

Unless they work together I think alot of smart career driven people find they don't actually spend much time together if they are with someone equally driven.

In the past smart career driving people relied on the home maker to make sure that part of their lives ran smoothly especially when they decided to have children.

LittleMissAspie

SavingPennies wrote: »

I agree, but its about give and take. He wants her to (potentially) give up her career just as it's taking off in order to have a baby, but he isn't willing to give in to someone she wants, ie marriage.

The OP hasn't said this! All she said is that her OH asked if they could start a family next year. There has been no indication of what she or he think about how the baby should be looked after.

Kaz2904

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

But has he been in the same job ever since leaving school?

Has he wanted you to give up your career to start a family?

He's been in the same job for 13 years now, since he was 21. Did he want me to give up my career to start a family? No, that was never an option for us. We need two wages to cover bills.

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Are you married to your OH? If not I would suggest you consider the permanency of your relationship I don't think that the family is the q you should be considering tbh.

If your career is going places, you are going to quickly outgrow someone who's happy with comparatively little.

Just another perspective...

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Well I seemed to have pushed a button here but there was no insinuation of stupidity (although I quite freely admit that I find most men less than intelligent). Why so touchy if you're happy with the situation?

The OP is young, and people do grow apart for all sorts of reasons, including a lack of commonality and shared goals.

I wasn't suggesting that you were implying stupidity. You highlighted 'dead end job' and said that the OP was going to very quickly outgrow someone who was happy with comparatively little. I was trying to point out that just because someone is in a 'dead end job' doesn't mean that there is nothing else going on in their lives. I was pointing out that my DH is in what could be seen as a 'dead end job' but has other interests. He is still an attractive person to be with because he's bright and witty and has other interests. I'm not so bright or funny because I'm so tired by work and don't get a chance to catch up on the news or anything like that when I'm doing a block of nights.
My DH and I have been together since I was 19 (14 years now, where did the time go? :eek:).

FWIW, I don't think the OP implied at any point that her OH wanted her to give up her career. Just that he would like to start trying for a baby next year. He will turn 30 next year, perhaps he wants to be a father before he becomes 'too old'?

VestanPance

onlyroz wrote: »

To be honest, I am always surprised that smart career-driven men are happy to settle for someone content to spend their life looking after the house.

I don't think many men see being career driven as a trait they'd find attractive in a partner, or unattractive. They'd more likely find intelligence, along with being funny and interesting as attractive traits. You don't have to be any of those things to be career driven. I've met many career driven people of both sexes that are as dumb as you could find. I also know several stay at home mums who can easily hold intelligent conversation with the brightest of people.

SavingPennies_2

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

The OP hasn't said this! All she said is that her OH asked if they could start a family next year. There has been no indication of what she or he think about how the baby should be looked after.

I am 24 just starting to move up the career ladder and loving every minute of it....He asked if we could start a family next year but I am really unsure at this moment I love my job too much....I've always wanted to get married but he doesn't,

I think the above is a stong indication that is is the OP who would give up work.

balletshoes

SavingPennies wrote: »

I am 24 just starting to move up the career ladder and loving every minute of it....He asked if we could start a family next year but I am really unsure at this moment I love my job too much....I've always wanted to get married but he doesn't,

I think the above is a stong indication that is is the OP who would give up work.

or maybe thats what the OP is assuming, and they haven't discussed that bit yet?

SavingPennies_2

Balletshoes - you could be right. I think these issues need to be discussed first between the OP and partner.

flutterby_lil

I knew I was ready when I was in love with somebody I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and couldn't see myself with anyone else.

I was pregnant pretty quick, sadly he passed away and my fairytale never happened with him. I am currently pregnant with my second child, after being with my OH 3 years. Baby was planned and we waited until we were living together and ready - we just knew we were. Looking back, the first time I wasn't ready, but now I couldn't be happier and more excited for the new arrival, my 3 year old is so excited too

You can still carry on your career despite having a baby. Good luck. From what you say you are not ready.

DKLS

VestanPance wrote: »

I don't think many men see being career driven as a trait they'd find attractive in a partner, or unattractive.

Speak for yourself, personally I find a driven woman a massive turn on, a home bird who wanted to breed would be the exact opposite for me.

Thankfully I found a wife who hasnt a broody bone in her body, well unless you cant broodiness for shoes and handbags.