How do you know you're ready?!

stephga23

Hi all,

I am 24 just starting to move up the career ladder and loving every minute of it. OH is 29 has done the same job since he was 16 and has no desire to move up.

He asked if we could start a family next year but I am really unsure at this moment I love my job too much and I love children (he has nieces and nephews and I spoil them rotten) I just don't know if I want children of my own.

I don't know if I am unsure because I am driven to move up more in my job or if there's an underlying issue that I'm not yet aware of but my question is, if you have children or made the decision to start trying how did you make it?!

Sorry if that doesn't make sense I'm just confused

Carl31

Well, if you dont know, youre not ready

Only have kids if youre 1000% sure, you cant give them back and they will change your life completely

I would add though, when they do come along, you learn to adapt. Personally id never choose work over children, and im pretty career focussed

onlyroz

Why would it have to be you that sacrifices their career for their children. If your partner is in a dead-end job then he should be the one to do the school run etc etc.

geri1965_2

I don't know, as I am 46 and have never felt ready - hence the reason I have no kids! I think when you are ready, you will just "know".

Gillyx

Is anyone ever ready?!? :rotfl:

Agree with onlyroz though, if his job is doing nowhere, no chance of progression it would make financial sense for him to do the staying at home, etc. Although how comfortable would you be with going back to work 6/8 weeks after having your baby? Unless your company offers an enhanced maternity benefit.

balletshoes

I do kind of agree that you'll just "know" when you're ready - but your head might not tell you that. I mean if you think how much it can cost financially to have childlren, you might not ever have them.

meritaten

you dont know if you want children of your own? does your OH know you feel like this? did you discuss having children previously?
Of course its entirely up to you whether you have children or not - but, your OH wants to start a family - and if you feel you may not EVER want children..........then he needs to know this.
you may not be ready now which is fair enough - you are young and enjoying your career. but you need to discuss with OH a timescale. neither of you are getting younger and it sounds like OH is getting broody! If he wants children and you dont - that could be a major issue hun. I hope you can talk and work something out.
good luck

stephga23

Believe it or not I truly wanted them a few years ago (when I was about 20) but found out I have PCOS and don't have any 'cycle' at all so was told would need to start trying now rather than later off doc at hospital and I think that rather scared me which is why I have put all my energy into my job.

Either way I'm not sure but what scares me is if we do go through all of the treatment ( I don't actually know tht much about it) to not get the end result we wanted - no baby I think I would be devastated (as would most) so I don't know if I'm trying to protect myself by thinking like this so I don't need to go through with it?

Sorry about the rambling!

meritaten

Steph - I think you are scared to WANT children - just in case you cant have them.
not making a judgement here, but YOU need a lot more information about PCOS and its implications. you also need to know the procedures involved, the stats, the emotional impact on trying for a baby! BOTH of you need information and perhaps counselling.
instead of asking on here - perhaps you both need to see the gp/consultant together, then go from there.
Sorry, I sounded a bit judgemental - I didnt realise you had a problem which may prevent conception!

jakes-mum

I knew I wanted kids when I was 12 as my mother said, I was born to be a mum and she was not at all surprised when I came home at 21 and told her I was pregnant . . . not even that I was the first out of 3 kids, and I was the youngest

I was ready in my heart to be a mum but it was blinking hard that young, I 'knew' I wanted a second child 5 years later and it was a darn sight easier second time round. No idea if that is because I knew what I was doing, or if I was that much older so a bit more laid back and didnt sweat the small stuff.

If your ready, your ready, if your not, your not. That is a convo for your and your DH

Edit: just read your last post, my sister has endometriosis and went from a young girl who wanted children to a woman who was adamant she didnt, I always wondered if her slim chance of having a child scared her to try I hope not as she had to have a hysterectomy last year. On the other side I have a friend who also had medical problems, she went through IVF, had bad reactions to drugs, it didnt work, over and over for years. She now has a baby girl

stephga23

meritaten wrote: »

Steph - I think you are scared to WANT children - just in case you cant have them.
not making a judgement here, but YOU need a lot more information about PCOS and its implications. you also need to know the procedures involved, the stats, the emotional impact on trying for a baby! BOTH of you need information and perhaps counselling.
instead of asking on here - perhaps you both need to see the gp/consultant together, then go from there.
Sorry, I sounded a bit judgemental - I didnt realise you had a problem which may prevent conception!

Not at all judgemental, grateful for the advice from everyone (pressed the thanks button lol :D) I just needed to voice my thoughts I guess and where better to do it than here where you get brill advice, thanks everyone