How do you know you're ready?!

Money_maker

At 24, I would hold fire for a couple of years or so. Give you time to see what you can achieve over time.

I had no previous experience with children, we were married for 5 years before we thought we'd give it a go. I never felt maternal (more used to fur and feathers) but instincts take over once the LO arrives. Thought we'd have no.2 pretty soon after which was a great idea, have always been happy to have the two close together. 11 years later, I fancy another one so off we go again. My children are my greatest achievement and I have no regrets at all - they're fantastic.

But you have time on your side, why the rush?

krlyr

My recent little nephew is the result of my brother's girlfriend thinking she couldn't get pregnant due to PCOS - so it can happen, even when you're not even trying!
I don't want kids so it's hard to answer but I think you perhaps need to address your worries. Maybe speak to some specialists, join a forum specialising in pregnancies in women suffering PCOS and do a bit of homework to see if it helps you come to a decision. Also perhaps sit down with your OH and discuss the practicalities, like which one of you will stay home with the baby, whether you'll do daycare so you can both go back to work at some point, etc.
Maybe you could just decide to stop with the contraception next year and see how things go - not spend every minute trying for a baby, but just see what happens?

meritaten

sorry, moneymaker I disagree - If Steph is going to have trouble conceiving, then the earlier she starts the better! but only if she is SURE that she wants children! it can take so much time going through all the processes - many would be parents are then devastated to find they are too old for some procedures or even adoption - because they assumed that they had 'plenty of time'!

stephga23

krlyr wrote: »

My recent little nephew is the result of my brother's girlfriend thinking she couldn't get pregnant due to PCOS - so it can happen, even when you're not even trying!
I don't want kids so it's hard to answer but I think you perhaps need to address your worries. Maybe speak to some specialists, join a forum specialising in pregnancies in women suffering PCOS and do a bit of homework to see if it helps you come to a decision. Also perhaps sit down with your OH and discuss the practicalities, like which one of you will stay home with the baby, whether you'll do daycare so you can both go back to work at some point, etc.
Maybe you could just decide to stop with the contraception next year and see how things go - not spend every minute trying for a baby, but just see what happens?

Hi, thank you for your reply. Since being with my OH we have never used contraception and I have never ever had a period which is what prompted me to get checked out in the first place, we have bee together 6 years and not used anything and that's not a stupid decision by me we always just thought we'll be happy if it happens. I have no doubt that I would be I just think I don't want to set the official ball off of trying as then it becomes too much of a disappointment if it doesn't happen but on the other side of the coin I did want to move up a couple of places in my job first.

VfM4meplse

Are you married to your OH? If not I would suggest you consider the permanency of your relationship

stephga23 wrote: »

Hi all,

I am 24 just starting to move up the career ladder and loving every minute of it. OH is 29 has done the same job since he was 16 and has no desire to move up.

He asked if we could start a family next year but I am really unsure

I don't think that the family is the q you should be considering tbh.

onlyroz wrote: »

Why would it have to be you that sacrifices their career for their children. If your partner is in a dead-end job then he should be the one to do the school run etc etc.

If your career is going places, you are going to quickly outgrow someone who's happy with comparatively little.

Just another perspective...

stephga23

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Are you married to your OH? If not I would suggest you consider the permanency of your relationship I don't think that the family is the q you should be considering tbh.

If your career is going places, you are going to quickly outgrow someone who's happy with comparatively little.

Just another perspective...

Hi, no we're not married. I've always wanted to get married but he doesn't, just says there's no point.

Guess I do need to think of other perspectives which I hadn't factored into my problem!

Thank you for your reply

Kaz2904

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Are you married to your OH? If not I would suggest you consider the permanency of your relationship I don't think that the family is the q you should be considering tbh.

If your career is going places, you are going to quickly outgrow someone who's happy with comparatively little.

Just another perspective...

I think that's entirely unfair to be honest.
My DH is in a not very well paying job and has no desire to try and further his career. You might think that this is because he has no desire to better himself but it's actually because he has no desire to kill himself or sell his soul working for a corporation which sucks the life out of you. He works Mon- Fri 9-5.30. He gets a decent amount of holiday and we have enough money to pay the bills. We don't live a luxury lifestyle by any manner of means but we are happy.
Just because his job's not the best in the world doesn't make him stupid. He has plenty of time to 'do' stuff with the kids and he's brilliant with them.
Just another perspective....

chocolate.buttons

stephga23 wrote: »

Hi, thank you for your reply. Since being with my OH we have never used contraception and I have never ever had a period which is what prompted me to get checked out in the first place, we have bee together 6 years and not used anything and that's not a stupid decision by me we always just thought we'll be happy if it happens. I have no doubt that I would be I just think I don't want to set the official ball off of trying as then it becomes too much of a disappointment if it doesn't happen but on the other side of the coin I did want to move up a couple of places in my job first.

Realistically, how long would/could this take in your job? And being really honest with yourself, do you think that you would then feel ready to start trying? I only ask because sometimes these kind of things can become excuses because, deep down, you simply just don't want to do it.
(Not saying this is the case with you, but can be for some.)

I totally agree with the poster who suggested researching more about PCOS and the implications for conceiving - at least then you will know where you stand and what it will mean for you! I would imagine that the whole idea seems quite scary as you may not know what to expect at all.

Also, if you and your OH decided that he would give up work to stay home with the baby, school runs etc, how would that make you feel? Would that be an option for you to consider?
Good luck with whatever you decide. X

Oldernotwiser

stephga23 wrote: »

Hi, no we're not married. I've always wanted to get married but he doesn't, just says there's no point.

He wants you to give up your career and have a baby but doesn't want to marry you? I can hear the alarm bells ringing from here!

claire16c

If you did decide to have kids now, I would make a doctors appt asap because you would usually go after a year of not getting pregnant, and youve had 6. So I wouldnt waste anymore time personally.

But if you want to wait and move up a bit in your career first, I dont see an issue with that. Maybe you should see if your OH wants to stay at home and look after the kids if you are the breadwinner. because if he doesnt, that might be an even bigger problem if you cant live off his wage?

Also as a personal thing I wouldnt plan a baby with someone I wasnt married to. But thats your own decision to make.