How do you know you're ready?!

Oldernotwiser

Kaz2904 wrote: »

I think that's entirely unfair to be honest.
My DH is in a not very well paying job and has no desire to try and further his career. You might think that this is because he has no desire to better himself but it's actually because he has no desire to kill himself or sell his soul working for a corporation which sucks the life out of you. He works Mon- Fri 9-5.30. He gets a decent amount of holiday and we have enough money to pay the bills. We don't live a luxury lifestyle by any manner of means but we are happy.
Just because his job's not the best in the world doesn't make him stupid. He has plenty of time to 'do' stuff with the kids and he's brilliant with them.
Just another perspective....

But has he been in the same job ever since leaving school?

Has he wanted you to give up your career to start a family?

LoopyLinz

I'm not sure anyone is ever 100% sure they are 100% ready! I'm three weeks away from giving birth to our first baby. Our very own little miracle, after being told we would never concieve naturally and with such a low percentage on IVF we would be unlikely to be offered it on the NHS. This is all DH and I have ever wanted and the past 6 years of our lives have been geared towards exactly this.......I would however be lying if I said there haven't been moments where I have thought oh my goodness what are we doing?!

I think you really need to ask yourself if it's not what you want or if you are afraid if the road it may take you down if you struggle to conceive. If it genuinely isn't what you want then there is absolutely nothing wrong with that but maybe you need to talk to your OH about things and the future xox

onlyroz

THere is an argument for having kids early in your career, when you have fewer responsibilities. Taking a six month to year career break when you're senior would surely be more difficult when you go back to work, because practices and procedures will have changes, as would the people you are responsible for managing.

VfM4meplse

Kaz2904 wrote: »

I think that's entirely unfair to be honest.
My DH is in a not very well paying job and has no desire to try and further his career. You might think that this is because he has no desire to better himself but it's actually because he has no desire to kill himself or sell his soul working for a corporation which sucks the life out of you. He works Mon- Fri 9-5.30. He gets a decent amount of holiday and we have enough money to pay the bills. We don't live a luxury lifestyle by any manner of means but we are happy.
Just because his job's not the best in the world doesn't make him stupid. He has plenty of time to 'do' stuff with the kids and he's brilliant with them.
Just another perspective....

Well I seemed to have pushed a button here but there was no insinuation of stupidity (although I quite freely admit that I find most men less than intelligent). Why so touchy if you're happy with the situation?

The OP is young, and people do grow apart for all sorts of reasons, including a lack of commonality and shared goals.

Oldernotwiser

onlyroz wrote: »

THere is an argument for having kids early in your career, when you have fewer responsibilities. Taking a six month to year career break when you're senior would surely be more difficult when you go back to work, because practices and procedures will have changes, as would the people you are responsible for managing.

Not everyone's career progresses by moving into management.

Why would "practices and procedures" change more in a year when you're 35 than they would when you're 25?

silaren

I think this is a very personal question that only you can answer.

I will say that given you have some medical history regarding this, that it's something you should address earlier rather than later. One thing that we don't often get told is that if you do want children, you need to build it into your life plan. Can you realistically fit in everything that you want to do with your life plus have children? There are pros and cons for both plans of action. And your own personal circumstances will be the most relevant factor, not someone else's. In a few years' time when you're looking at 40, do you picture yourself with a happy family? Or do you want to be at the top of your career and it's just the two of you? Not everyone is lucky enough to experience both, unfortunately.

Regarding the compatibility with your OH's life plans, again, this is something only you can answer. However, I would say that having children is one of the life decisions that you need to decide for yourself and not to please someone else. Just because things work out for one person does not mean that it will work out in the same way for everyone. Do what you think will make yourself happy. After all, it will be you who is taking the career break and carrying the child(dren) in your body.

Wish you the best of luck, whatever you decide.

Bufger

Our first little one was a suprise. We both had good careers, i was 26 and my wife (then fiancee) was 25 and we had only bought our first house the year before. We were looking forward to spending a few years building our finances up, going on a few lush holidays and just taking life as it comes! When we found out we were unsure what to do for a while, i was obviously supportive and wanted my wife to make the overall decision but i did mention that we're in the perfect position to give a loving home to a child plus we planned on having kids at some point in the next 5-10 years.

So thats how it happened! our lives changed completely and although i can remain career focussed my wife is now more family focussed and has to do less overtime and less favours at work. Now we're expecting number 2 she wants to go part time afterwards which is fine with me.

Depends what you want in life. Dont rush into it as its a 1 way decision but if you're at a point where you're happy to fill the family home then go for it.

(we love being parents, especially at this time of year!!! )

stephga23

Thank you for all of your replies

haras_nosirrah

In my marriage I am the one with the career whereas my husband has a not quite so fulfilling job (I earn double)

We are also trying for a family currently (since sept). We have had to consider the financial aspects as we cannot live on my husbands salary and still pay the mortgage.

Should we be lucky enough to get pregnant then I will be taking the first 4 months maternity leave and then my husband will take over the remaining leave and eventually he will work part time and I will stay full time. He is more domesticated than me anyway.

We are currently saving a reasonable sum of money to enable us to do this as there is definately a higher financial challenge if the lady is the higher earner by a long way. Just takes a bit more forward planning.

plumpmouse

Hi Steph

I always knew I wanted children so when I married at 20 I stopped taking the pill. After over 12 months of trying we were diagnosed with PCOS and referred to fertility clinic. I had my initial consultation and then conceive naturally a couple of weeks later - which was a lovely surprise. We started trying for my 2nd immediately and she took 6 years and numerous rounds of fertility tablets/injection. We conceived her on the last go we were having. If it hadn't of worked we were giving up. You can conceive with PCOS, yes it can be harder but there are things and options to help. It is scary but worth it.

I am glad I started earlier than the norm to have a family or I may not have managed to have 1 baby never mind 2.

With regards jobs etc. I found getting pregnant early in my career didn't hinder me. I moved up the ladder after children working part time, maybe I was lucky but it worked for me. I've now moved overseas to a non English speaking country so my career is on hold until I learn the language. Your OH could be the one to give up work, there are options there to discuss.

I also don't recall the OP stating that her OH "wanted her to give up her career". I thought she just said he wanted a family which is different and doesn't set off any alarm bells ringing for me. Many people would consider this a natural desire!!