How do you know you're ready?!

plumpmouse

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Not everyone's career progresses by moving into management.

Why would "practices and procedures" change more in a year when you're 35 than they would when you're 25?

I think Onlyroz was meaning that it would be harder to slot back in to the practice and procedure changes the higher up the ladder you are.

Oldernotwiser

plumpmouse wrote: »

I think Onlyroz was meaning that it would be harder to slot back in to the practice and procedure changes the higher up the ladder you are.

If that is what she meant, then I would disagree.

benb76

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Well I seemed to have pushed a button here but there was no insinuation of stupidity (although I quite freely admit that I find most men less than intelligent). Why so touchy if you're happy with the situation?

The OP is young, and people do grow apart for all sorts of reasons, including a lack of commonality and shared goals.

I agree, I know plenty of driven women who cannot abide men with no ambition of their own. Life is not a dress rehearsal and the OP sounds like she has career/life goals that just don't match up to her partner's. She has years of youth ahead of her and I reckon her partner could end up holding her back.

tea_lover

Hi Steph,
as someone else with PCOS, and endo, I just wanted to add my perspective here. I know many people with PCOS who have conceived with no problems, but I think you have to take into account the possibility that you may need a bit of help with it. I think I read that you've not been using contraception for a few years now, so it may be that you might need a bit of a kick-start to get things going.

I'm now 32, nearly 33, and OH is very nearly 40. I feel like time is running out for us and that it's never going to happen. It's putting a big strain on our relationship as I now feel like our future is going to be very different to the one we had planned.

The point of all this rambling (sorry!) was to say that if you do see children in your future at some point then it's worthwhile making those initial enquiries with your GP now. You don't have to take things any further for now if you're not ready, but if you're relying on the NHS you need to take the potentially long waiting lists into account. Also, sometimes just knowing what you may be up against and what you can do to help things along can make it all seem a lot more manageable than when it's all a big unknown.

Best of luck with whatever you both decide x.

SavingPennies_2

Id be wary of someone who wants you to have his baby but doesnt want to marry you sorry. You are younger and your career is taking off, maybe he is threatened by this and wants a baby so he can keep you in your place? Sorry if that is totally off the mark, just offering a perpective , albeit cynical. Id see what he says when you suggest he become a SAHD.

onlyroz

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

If that is what she meant, then I would disagree.

That is what I meant. I think that small babies are extremely demanding, and that you will cope better with them at the beginning of your career, when you have less responsibilities, than when you are more senior - and might be expected to work long hours close to deadlines, and manage a number of people underneath you. Just my opinion.

balletshoes

benb76 wrote: »

I agree, I know plenty of driven women who cannot abide men with no ambition of their own. Life is not a dress rehearsal and the OP sounds like she has career/life goals that just don't match up to her partner's. She has years of youth ahead of her and I reckon her partner could end up holding her back.

sigh - why do threads like these always seem to end up with people making generalisations like this, and trying to make everyone's relationships fit into the mould they see (or perceive?).

The OP is in a committed relationship - you don't have to be married to be in a committed relationship. She wants to get on at work, her OH is content where he is in his. It doesn't mean he has no ambition, but his work might just be a means to an end - his ambitions may lie outside his workplace. I have a "driven" OH - I'm the one who keeps things in our family on an even keel. We play to our different strengths.

Every relationship is different folks.

Soubrette

benb76 wrote: »

I agree, I know plenty of driven women who cannot abide men with no ambition of their own. Life is not a dress rehearsal and the OP sounds like she has career/life goals that just don't match up to her partner's. She has years of youth ahead of her and I reckon her partner could end up holding her back.

Why is it expected that driven men will find women that look after the home but driven women will find other driven men?

Nothing wrong with the man being the home maker if that suits the partnership best

If smart, career orientated women only want smarter, more career orientated men - there's going to be an awful lot of single women out there. I read an article about that in the guardian the other day, I thought the woman came off as a bit of a prat tbh

Edited to add - not a prat because she had extremely high standards and was single, a prat because she was very disparaging about quality of the 40 years old single men that were out there, seemingly oblivious that as a 40 year old single woman, she too has been judged by her preferred potential partners as lacking.

onlyroz

Soubrette wrote: »

Why is it expected that driven men will find women that look after the home but driven women will find other driven men?

To be honest, I am always surprised that smart career-driven men are happy to settle for someone content to spend their life looking after the house.

claire16c

onlyroz wrote: »

That is what I meant. I think that small babies are extremely demanding, and that you will cope better with them at the beginning of your career, when you have less responsibilities, than when you are more senior - and might be expected to work long hours close to deadlines, and manage a number of people underneath you. Just my opinion.

I guess it depends on the industry.

In my old job, I was at a middle level I guess you would call it. You often had to work longer hours than the people who were more senior because at the end of the day they might have been at the top, but you were the one who had to make sure stuff got done or youd have them to answer to. Also, in order to get promoted you had to show you were willing to put in the extra work.

If the bosses wanted to go home because of getting home to their kids, they could go - because they were the boss. The ones under them had to stay on to finish the work. So it was much easier to come in late or go home early for the senior bosses because they didnt have anyone to answer to.

On the other hand, the final result of the project/work etc, fell on them. So if it went wrong, it would have been them who got sacked and not the younger ones as ultimately it was their responsibility. So they had more to worry about I suppose.

What usually happened in the end when someone had a child, was the more senior staff had au pairs or nannies or put their kids in nurseries. Whereas the more junior staff couldnt afford to do that, so ended up leaving!