Step Family Advice

indebtinsussex

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Ok, but the football is important to the child, so why deny him that? It's a weekly thing he goes to - and whilst quality time with dad is important - so is the football (For all we know he could be the next david beckham! Think of how your suggesting we ruin Englands world Cup chances in 2020 - ok, extreme but still lol)

I used to compete in Horse Trials when I was young(er) - It was what i lived for. If my parents had taken that away from me by god they would have had a full on tantruming child (I was spoilt - can you tell lol)

The child doesnt go to football until the evening - theres NOTHING stopping them having family time before this time, and whilst he is at football - they can bond with the other children

OP didnt say her OH stayed at football - she said he picked him up and that the hour that it takes from picking him up interrupted their family time.

An hour - seriously

I hate football and think the sport should be banned :rotfl:

its not just that though its the hour on one day, then the two lots of parties on the saturday which I get the impression he stays for and then its the matches on sunday which take up either a morning or afternoon, so all it seems the dad is, is a glorified taxi driver

princessdreamer

Attending parties is a rite of passage in childhood nowadays, how would you have felt being the only one not allowed to go then being told you have to give up your activities. The activities arn't the problem here, the problem is the step-mum resents the fact they can afford to do them and wants to spoil it for them to make herself feel better.

princessdreamer

Anyway she has been unhappy for a long time and is leaving him so problem solved. apparently.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

indebtinsussex wrote: »

I hate football and think the sport should be banned :rotfl:

its not just that though its the hour on one day, then the two lots of parties on the saturday which I get the impression he stays for and then its the matches on sunday which take up either a morning or afternoon, so all it seems the dad is, is a glorified taxi driver

My 2 cousins were semi pro's and my uncle was a manager in the SPL so football is important in our family lol

There is no child who has parties EVERY weekend - I suspect that was an unusual weekend for the OP and her family and the example was given more to highlight/give support to the OP's case rather than a "usual" weekend

Rather than stop the children from going to the party the OP should think - right, that's 2 hours i get to spend with the rest of the kids.

The OP has stated she is busy in the evenings, and i assume the other kids are at school during the day - so why not use the time and concerntrate on the other children rather than sitting there stewing IYSWIM

In all honesty - and sorry OP - but the OP has been given a lot of good advice, but instead of using the advice (and critisim) and putting it to good use its more of a "woe is me" going off, which isnt helping anyone in the family and is making things worse

Seanymph

But kids DO miss activities when their parents are seperated and live a long way away...... it's reality. In focusing on ensuring that his children from his first relationship miss nothing then his current love and children of the house are having their time disrupted terribly.

The OP is obviously struggling, and there are concrete things that can be done to make the situation better for everyone - but everything has to give a bit, and the OP has to work out how she feels about things in an dispassionate way first so she knows what is important to her.

clearingout

Seanymph wrote: »

But kids DO miss activities when their parents are seperated and live a long way away...... it's reality. In focusing on ensuring that his children from his first relationship miss nothing then his current love and children of the house are having their time disrupted terribly.

The OP is obviously struggling, and there are concrete things that can be done to make the situation better for everyone - but everything has to give a bit, and the OP has to work out how she feels about things in an dispassionate way first so she knows what is important to her.

so her older daughter doesn't go to parties sometimes which disrupts weekends? or have friends round/go to friends and need picking up/dropping off? isn't having your weekends disrupted part of what parenting is all about? that you no longer get lie ins and hours sat with the Sunday supplements? that you are forced to act as a taxi service is pretty much normal, isn't it?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Seanymph wrote: »

But kids DO miss activities when their parents are seperated and live a long way away...... it's reality. In focusing on ensuring that his children from his first relationship miss nothing then his current love and children of the house are having their time disrupted terribly.

The OP is obviously struggling, and there are concrete things that can be done to make the situation better for everyone - but everything has to give a bit, and the OP has to work out how she feels about things in an dispassionate way first so she knows what is important to her.

yes SOME kids DO - in this case there is really no need for the child to miss out on a football match. They live near each other - at 8:30pm at night the OP's baby should be in bed (in theory!) They arent exactly going to head out down town with kids in tow are they - so why is the family time being affected?

There are things the OP can do - but from what it appears she doesnt WANT to do them. She wants it to be her way or no way (sorry - its how it comes across to me) and it shouldnt be like this.

FBaby

When parents live far away there is no choice and can become one of the reasons why older kids might not want to visit. will OP have the same view when her child get ro the age of wanting to do activities and be invited to parties at week ends?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

clearingout wrote: »

so her older daughter doesn't go to parties sometimes which disrupts weekends? or have friends round/go to friends and need picking up/dropping off? isn't having your weekends disrupted part of what parenting is all about? that you no longer get lie ins and hours sat with the Sunday supplements? that you are forced to act as a taxi service is pretty much normal, isn't it?

Oh god yes!!!!

It's been a YEAR since I last went out with OH without DD - Mum's started having DD for me (as ex refuses to have her on his weekends) but being 2 weeks off giving birth im hardly gonna go out clubbbing now am i lol :rotfl:

I feel lucky and all excited if im still in bed by 7:30am and havent been woken up!

fannyanna

Some people are so rude. I find it disgraceful that people feel it is appropriate to imply that this woman should leave her partner.

Whilst it's understandable that people have differences of opinion and people have the right to express their opinions I think there's a line that most respectable people know not to cross.

This woman is clearly in some distress at the moment and I find it shocking that people appear to get their kicks by sticking the boot into her whilst she's down!