Step Family Advice

Poraw

Many posters clearly havent read my responses to some of the questions asked seeing as I am being bashed for him paying CSA when I clearly stated he should be AT A FAIR AMOUNT. And have gone on to explain that our MP is involved as the payments are £175 a month more then they should be due to the CSA assessing WTC/CTC that we are not in receipt of as we are not entitled. Of course he should support his children FAIRLY.

I didnt come here to be told what a awful step mum I am. I came here looking for advice on how I can do the best for MY children. Just so happens that being told how awful I am shows that the best thing I can do is remove me and my children from the equation and then no one has to suffer. Thanks again for the advice, this thread can be closed/removed now.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Poraw wrote: »

YOU get CB too - this will be lost with the proposed changes as OH is just over Higher Tax Rate

TC and CTC are there TO BE CLAIMED. When you go back to work you might be entitled to these too. [COLOR="rgb(255, 0, 255)"]We are not entitled to them now on one income, we wont be on 2![/COLOR]

Ok - but its not the ex's fault that the goverments changing the system . .

But just because you arent entitled to them why shouldnt she claim them?

Poraw wrote: »

Many posters clearly havent read my responses to some of the questions asked seeing as I am being bashed for him paying CSA when I clearly stated he should be AT A FAIR AMOUNT. And have gone on to explain that our MP is involved as the payments are £175 a month more then they should be due to the CSA assessing WTC/CTC that we are not in receipt of as we are not entitled. Of course he should support his children FAIRLY.

I didnt come here to be told what a awful step mum I am. I came here looking for advice on how I can do the best for MY children. Just so happens that being told how awful I am shows that the best thing I can do is remove me and my children from the equation and then no one has to suffer. Thanks again for the advice, this thread can be closed/removed now.

Ok - but again, its not the ex's / childrens fault CSA made a mistake is it. If you can prove he has over paid through the CSA then they should back date it to him or reduce her payments until the extra money he has paid is up to date. I dont know why CSA is dragging it out - they can check the tax credits payments on the system - the MP should push it - and your payments should be lower freeing up more money

no one is saying you are an awful step mum - what we are saying is that your resentment is being aimed at the wrong people.

If you are SERIOUSLY considering breaking up with your OH then it is NOT his childrens fault you feel like this.

I kow it must be very difficult, esp with xmas coming up, and it must be very upsetting but instead of blaming the children and the ex, focus on the things that are wrong and plough all that negative energy into correcting them

princessdreamer

Imagine how unfair the ex finds handing over a large chunk of the money from HER home to you. How would you like it if she came on here screaming about how you pay the minimum the law states, have a 4 bed house and yet are wanting money from the sale of hers. Imagine the feeling of you and her ex circling waiting for her assets to be sold. Not being allowed a new family until you have been paid off. Which is what happens the clauses often allow the man too move on and get remarried but if the woman dares to move on she is penalised.

mildred1978

Part of your money problems is down to your ex, it seems:

Poraw wrote: »

How did you get an advance payment? The NRP in my situation is paying off £3k+ arrears at just £10 a week! Usual assessment is £92p/w. He was paying off more but then 'came to an agreement' with the CSA.

The arrears came about when the CSA closed our case in error and took over 9 months to re-open it. The NRP did no pay any maintenance in tose 9 months, hence arrears. They accepted what they had done was incorrect and I have a letter from them proving that.

Plus you were looking for work in spite of your OH's working arrangements. What happened to that? (You should be eligible for another 26 weeks' cont based JSA come January )

Poraw wrote: »

I was made redundant in Jan whilst on Mat leave. My partner earns in excess of £30k and regardless of this I was able to claim JSA at £65 per week for 6 months. After 6 months it becomes means tested and I wouldnt be entitled to it any more. Has certainly filled a small gap whilst I looked for suitable employment!

And you'll be getting money back from HMRC in April too

Poraw wrote: »

This happened to me, there is nothing you can do about it except wait to get a tax refund at the end of the tax year. It sucks.

elvis86

Poraw wrote: »

Many posters clearly havent read my responses to some of the questions asked seeing as I am being bashed for him paying CSA when I clearly stated he should be AT A FAIR AMOUNT. And have gone on to explain that our MP is involved as the payments are £175 a month more then they should be due to the CSA assessing WTC/CTC that we are not in receipt of as we are not entitled. Of course he should support his children FAIRLY.

I didnt come here to be told what a awful step mum I am. I came here looking for advice on how I can do the best for MY children. Just so happens that being told how awful I am shows that the best thing I can do is remove me and my children from the equation and then no one has to suffer. Thanks again for the advice, this thread can be closed/removed now.

Brilliant. Render another of your kids the product of a broken home and yourself an unemployed single mother. I hope it bites you on the a55 and that you end up even worse off!

If you've been upset and angry about the situation with your OH's children for 2 years, the why on earth did you stay with him? And not only stay with him, but choose to have a baby with him?!

If you'll honestly give up on the relationship with the father of your child so easily and just a year into her life, then it just goes to show what a fool you are, OP.

People should bl00dy think before they make babies.:mad:

brians_daughter

Poraw wrote: »

Many posters clearly havent read my responses to some of the questions asked seeing as I am being bashed for him paying CSA when I clearly stated he should be AT A FAIR AMOUNT. And have gone on to explain that our MP is involved as the payments are £175 a month more then they should be due to the CSA assessing WTC/CTC that we are not in receipt of as we are not entitled. Of course he should support his children FAIRLY.

I didnt come here to be told what a awful step mum I am. I came here looking for advice on how I can do the best for MY children. Just so happens that being told how awful I am shows that the best thing I can do is remove me and my children from the equation and then no one has to suffer. Thanks again for the advice, this thread can be closed/removed now.

TBH you didnt put this in your initial post and as you can see the posts have come thick and fast.

Have you asked the CSA for a subject access request to see what data they hold on you? or have you visited the child support section, many helpful ppl on there.

The best for your children is to welcome their step siblings into your home and show them how great it is to have them in your lives. removing them from the equation ? You think they wont suffer? Absolute madness

mildred1978

Poraw wrote: »

YOU get CB too - this will be lost with the proposed changes as OH is just over Higher Tax Rate

So he actually earns over £42k then!

thewanted_2

Poraw wrote: »

Many posters clearly havent read my responses to some of the questions asked seeing as I am being bashed for him paying CSA when I clearly stated he should be AT A FAIR AMOUNT. And have gone on to explain that our MP is involved as the payments are £175 a month more then they should be due to the CSA assessing WTC/CTC that we are not in receipt of as we are not entitled. Of course he should support his children FAIRLY.

I didnt come here to be told what a awful step mum I am. I came here looking for advice on how I can do the best for MY children. Just so happens that being told how awful I am shows that the best thing I can do is remove me and my children from the equation and then no one has to suffer. Thanks again for the advice, this thread can be closed/removed now.

That's the really annoying thing about this site, far too many people want to judge the situation rather than looking at ways to help you. I don't remember it always being like this which is why I've used a different name when I want to discuss personal issues like this.

I personally post on here as a sound board to check if my impulses are way out of kilter with society as I was brought up in a very judgemental family. Try the DFW as others have suggested. Keep on at your MP, I hope it's one who has personal experience of step families and the CSA. The problem with many politicians is that they have led a very sheltered life.

Gigglepig

Poraw wrote: »

Just so happens that being told how awful I am shows that the best thing I can do is remove me and my children from the equation and then no one has to suffer. Thanks again for the advice, this thread can be closed/removed now.

No it doesn't mean that at all! Did you see my post above?

• You can change your negative feelings and attitudes, and work on the issues with your OH with the help of your OH and a counsellor
• You can take control of your financial situation by posting a SOA on MSE and getting a job after maternity leave
• You can chose to see the positive in your OH supporting all his children

And, even if it feels like the best thing for your ego right now it doesn't mean that separation is the best for your kids! IMO it would be selfish of you to deprive the baby and 13yo of a good dad/role model - AND there is no reason to believe you'd be better of in a one income family.

Edited to say - Hopefully the CSA over payment will be sorted soon - but keep in mind, if they have got the calculation wrong that is not the fault of your OH, ex or stepchildren.

Please go and speak to someone like Relate who can help you work through the things you find frustrating and communicate better with your OH.

elvis86

Gigglepig wrote: »

And, even if it feels like the best thing for your ego right now it doesn't mean that separation is the best for your kids! IMO it would be selfish of you to deprive the baby and 13yo of a good dad/role model - AND there is no reason to believe you'd be better of in a one income family.

Don't you mean a no income family? The OP thinks that her kids will be better off with an unemployed single mum, an absent father paying £10 a week and second ex having to cough up CSA for 3 kids and house himself!