Am I wrong in this?

anxious_mum

Exactly. It is MY choice, and I have made it. Why do you feel the need to keep on sniping at perfectly normal, nice people who are offering their takes on this? You have stated your point, I didn't accept it, so that should be the end of it, surely? This is my last post on my thread, I have made my decision, and I hope I never come across you again. Keep taking the tablets!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

anxious_mum wrote: »

Exactly. It is MY choice, and I have made it. Why do you feel the need to keep on sniping at perfectly normal, nice people who are offering their takes on this? You have stated your point, I didn't accept it, so that should be the end of it, surely? This is my last post on my thread, I have made my decision, and I hope I never come across you again. Keep taking the tablets!

Something to do with choosing to not see his child, perhaps? So could easily be in exactly the same situation when he is old and dying? Fear comes out as aggression, sometimes.

DUTR

anxious_mum wrote: »

Exactly. It is MY choice, and I have made it. Why do you feel the need to keep on sniping at perfectly normal, nice people who are offering their takes on this? You have stated your point, I didn't accept it, so that should be the end of it, surely? This is my last post on my thread, I have made my decision, and I hope I never come across you again. Keep taking the tablets!

You are the only one sniping, you posted on peoples thoughts, some agree with your plan some give a different viewpoint, does not mean you are wrong or right or those that have a different viewpoint is wrong or right. Your last comment is just sheer throwing your teddy out of the pram, but then of course people grieve in different ways :kisses3:

DUTR

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Something to do with choosing to not see his child, perhaps? So could easily be in exactly the same situation when he is old and dying? Fear comes out as aggression, sometimes.

heh heh , the mother will never have to post about not recieving CSA though will she ?

Person_one

DUTR wrote: »

You are the only one sniping, you posted on peoples thoughts, some agree with your plan some give a different viewpoint, does not mean you are wrong or right or those that have a different viewpoint is wrong or right. Your last comment is just sheer throwing your teddy out of the pram, but then of course people grieve in different ways :kisses3:

When you shut down your computer at the end of the day, do you congratulate yourself on all the helpful advice you've given out and the meaningful contributions you've made to serious discussion?

Or do you just smile in satisfaction that you've upset and annoyed some strangers who are going through the wringer and reached out for a little support?

anxious_mum

Once again, DUTR, you have lost me. What has the CSA got to do with my post? I've never claimed it personally, I've looked after my sons all by myself. As for grieving, if you mean about my dad, then yes, it has all been done now. I'm sorry it's not different, but there we have it.

**Patty**

Some food for thought:

1. How do you know your parents had a bad marriage? My mother constantly told me for years how dreadful my father was and yet, she managed to stay with him for 14 years. And they had me

2. Going from the OP, you've based all of the decisions on something that actually wasn't meant to be heard by you. You have no idea what happened before/during/after & maybe it was just a scare tactic. Back in the 70's your father wouldn't have got 50% of everything anyway (my parents divorced in 1979 & every aspect of the divorce was fought out in court) Plus, your mother had the choice of doing what many mothers did then.....if they kept the house, they got a job.

3. It appears that vaguely sending a message via your brother (albeit after one glass too many:o) is what constitutes making an effort on your part. That's not really a fair assessment. That particular arguement would carry more weight if you actually had made a face-to-face effort & for whatever reason, the relationship had then broken down. It's not your brother's responsibility to carry messages. Maybe he thought you didn't really mean it & didn't bother to pass on the message?


Whether you go or not (and you seem to have reached that decision) is 100% up to you. You're both adults now...if the answer to the question *did I do enough?* is a resounding *yes*......then you'll know in your heart it's the right one.
I *fell out* with my father many years ago.....I'm very glad we made up later. It's not been easy but we both needed to be adults first.


** passes DUTR his spoon back**:o

DUTR

anxious_mum wrote: »

Once again, DUTR, you have lost me. What has the CSA got to do with my post? I've never claimed it personally, I've looked after my sons all by myself. As for grieving, if you mean about my dad, then yes, it has all been done now. I'm sorry it's not different, but there we have it.

In post #44 , you said you were not posting in this thread anymore, anyway to answer your question, which was a reply to the other poster, one of the reasons I am so hated (probably the most hated poster on MSE)
Is that I choose not not see my daughter but I do pay the csa, so lots of the man haters on here hate me for that, but that is my choice, just like it is your choice not to see your father, I will not hold that against you, that is your right as an individual person.
HTH

anxious_mum

Hi Patty,thank you for bring an objectiveness into this. I'll try to answer:

1. I lived in it. They just wanted to break up at the earliest possibility.

2. I know now that he wouldn't have got half of everything, but as a 16 year old in 1979 I didn't know what would happen after a divorce. I only know that my mum was quite scared at the prospect of being divorced, and of fending for herself, but between us we managed.

3. I sent a message via my brother as a kind of 'hand held out for friendship'. Please remember, I had been to see him in 1988 and he knocked me back. As my brother had a good relationship with my dad, why was that the wrong way to try to build the bridges? Don't forget, my son actually met him and went out with him one time after this. My dad promised to keep in touch but never did.....

At the end of the day, I don't have any feelings for the man, so why would I go to his funeral? He's not even dead yet!

Person_one

**Patty** wrote: »

Some food for thought:

1. How do you know your parents had a bad marriage? My mother constantly told me for years how dreadful my father was and yet, she managed to stay with him for 14 years. And they had me

My great grandparents were together nearly 70 years and had 6 children. It was an awful abusive marriage but people often stayed in those back then. Even in the seventies in some communities and families people stayed way too long.

Having a child is no indication of happiness, it can also indicate rape or a misguided sense of 'duty'.

I don't anything about the OP's parent's marriage, in fact none of us do except the OP so I suppose we'll have to take her word for it that it wasn't happy.