Fearful of admitting sexuality

flower24

Haven't read all replies, but I'd be devastated if my son felt he couldn't tell me something like this. He's only 3 atm lol but I wouldn't be bothered at all, I love my children completely no matter whether they turn out to be gay straight or bi. Tell your mum chuck Xx

Emmzi

Delmonicas?

Gloomendoom

Apologies to the OP but I saw this and thought of this thread...

Stiubhart

Emmzi wrote: »

Delmonicas?

Maybe!

Was puggled by about 7pm and ended up in Dels by my pal and her cousin wanting to 'go gay'. Chatted about a whole host of things and much the same as you lovely people. She said she will support me and even put me up when her brother moves out soon. Need to pluck up the courage...that's the hardest part!

Gloomendoom lol, I have seen that too! I have made some howlers due to texts going to wrong folk!

immynjoesmum - thanks for taking time to post. I am hoping mother is the same. We are not a family that talks about feelings much! Sad but true!

HoneyBunny960

Let me just start by saying you poor thing. I had a tear in my eye the whole time reading this. How you must be feeling!
Try to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks, if your parents throw you out and disown you then its their loss. Although I think they would have to be crazy to do that to their son. Life is far too short to be worrying like you are. I know its easy to say but just try and go with the flow and enjoy every day. It's always hard plucking up the courage to tell people things, but eventually one day soon you'll find your ready and want to get it over with. I'm glad to hear that your friends are supportive that will help make life easier. You sound like such a lovely lovely person! Keep your chin held high and enjoy being in touch with your ex/partner. Hope to hear from you soon about how your getting on.

gazebo

it's actually very lovely to see all the posts from various mothers who say they'd be horrified if their children were to be too scared to come out to them. The reality is, it doesn't matter if you know your parents are going to be supportive, or if they have already started to probe into that side of your life. Coming out is a life long process and it isn't easy, even if the reaction will be good.

If anyone's child were to come out but then admit they'd been fearful of telling their parents, and the parents were then to feel OMG, I'm such a bad parent because they didn't feel they could talk to me, please don't feel this way. Unfortunately it can be just one of the complexities of dealing with your sexuality, it is nothing personal, but if you can appreciate, folk who are straight don't feel the need (mostly) to walk up to you and say hi, I'm straight. In having the 'coming out' chat, what you are actually having to do is say 'hi, I'm gay/lesbian/bi/trans/queer', even with the most laidback family in the world, this is a daunting task as it can be a crucial step in that individual accepting themselves for who they are.

Just a slightly different angle, but coming out is never easy :-)

Good luck Stiubhart

MandM90

Stiubhart wrote: »

I think that is actually my fault and foxwales was quoting and/or paraphrasing my original post. Without diverting off at a tangent too much, do gays get offended when 'their kind' say these words? Akin to a black person calling another a n***er? I'm genuinely interested? I don't find them offensive, well unless someone called me a mincer as I really don't!

I'm gay (though a woman) and though I'm not a "big butch dyke" I don't see any reason to be offensive or rude about those who are. I really don't understand how the way others carry themselves or dress bothers anyone else, and it does bother me when anyone (gay people too) uses those offensive words. I don't think we can get angry when these things get shouted at us in the street (which is now illegal, btw) and then use them offhandedly in the pub for a laugh. Some people seem to accept me only because I look like a girlie girl or make comments like "at least you're not a typical blokey lesbo". I don't see why it's such a triumph to be gay and conform to the normal gender stereotypes!? I also don't see why people have such a problem with "effeminate" guys (and I've met straight ones, too) or "masculine" women. OP should be accepted whoever he falls in love with, but no more so than a man who is interested in fashion...

That said, come out. As PPs have said, your family probably already suspect and can you really forsee a whole life of lies and never being able to have an out and open serious relationship? In July I had a Civil Partnership and my wife's Jamaican, deeply religious grandparents and my Irish Catholic family surprised everyone and turned up to celebrate and show us that we are accepted. Give people the chance to love and accept you, too.

elvis86

MandM90 wrote: »

I'm gay (though a woman) and though I'm not a "big butch dyke" I don't see any reason to be offensive or rude about those who are. I really don't understand how the way others carry themselves or dress bothers anyone else, and it does bother me when anyone (gay people too) uses those offensive words. I don't think we can get angry when these things get shouted at us in the street (which is now illegal, btw) and then use them offhandedly in the pub for a laugh. Some people seem to accept me only because I look like a girlie girl or make comments like "at least you're not a typical blokey lesbo". I don't see why it's such a triumph to be gay and conform to the normal gender stereotypes!? I also don't see why people have such a problem with "effeminate" guys (and I've met straight ones, too) or "masculine" women. OP should be accepted whoever he falls in love with, but no more so than a man who is interested in fashion...

That said, come out. As PPs have said, your family probably already suspect and can you really forsee a whole life of lies and never being able to have an out and open serious relationship? In July I had a Civil Partnership and my wife's Jamaican, deeply religious grandparents and my Irish Catholic family surprised everyone and turned up to celebrate and show us that we are accepted. Give people the chance to love and accept you, too.

This is exactly what p!sses me off. Who the hell is anyone else to decide that a gay man who's into football and pints is somehow "better" than a gay man who's into fashion and cocktails? It's even worse when other gay people display this attitude.:mad:

I get it, there are gay men who are completely comfortable with straight friends and feel no desire to frequent the gay scene or participate in the "gay community". That's fine. I know people like this and they're lovely.

What winds me up is the few of them who look down their noses at guys who are happier and more confident amongst other gay people, or those who want to celebrate the fact that they are gay and show people that they are proud. Why does it bother them so much?

It's as though they're ashamed of being gay, like it's something to be tolerated rather than celebrated, and like they think that everyone else should be too. Or it's like they somehow resent being "represented" by camp guys and drag queens because that's not what they're about, and yet, they're very reluctant to get out there and show themselves as gay people.

They write off Pride events, but if they were to attend they might be surprised to find that there are various events, clubs and organisations, catering for a wide variety of people. Gay football and rugby teams, gay swimming clubs, gay outdoor pursuits groups... It's not all Kylie and glitter (not that there's anything wrong with that!).

We wouldn't be where we are today if someone hadn't gone out there, made themselves visible, and demanded equal rights for gay people. It took more courage for the Stonewall drag queens to put on a frock and walk down the street demanding gay rights, than it did for their straight-acting counterparts to keep quiet and blend in with everyone else.

I'm a gay man, I'm proud to be, and I wouldn't change it for the world.:)

red_devil

i hate the way the word gay was hijacked and used for a totally different meaning thats all.

adouglasmhor

foxwales wrote: »

Uh.... I'm a gay too, or perhaps you missed that?

A gay man using !!!!!! and mincer is just as offensive to most people as a black man using nïgger or coon.

I can say that as I am the campiest straight bloke I know.