Fearful of admitting sexuality

VfM4meplse

Being gay is not a crime. IMO being unable to write succinctly should be.

scheming_gypsy

Emmzi wrote: »

But you are not allowed to speak for all gay people. And the words you use stereotype many, many people.

Come back with permission slips from them all and I promise not to be offended any more....

but it doesn't mean they're offensive.

There's a difference between a gay person and a mincer and a lot of gay people don't like being associated with mincers because they're over the top. For example:
A gay man - George Michael
A mincing great !!!!!! - Louie Spence

Emmzi

s_g, do you think "a gay man" is better than "a mincer"? Because in the posts, there is a value judgement. IMHO, all people, barring others factors, all as good as each other.

Labels - not helpful.

Right, I am off to work before the outraged Daily Mail crowd descend!

January20

I think you are heavily influenced by your brother's words, and the fact he had difficulties accepting you were gay. Let's put it bluntly: What right has he got to say that he won't accept any of your boyfriends? Does he allow you the same veto on his girlfriends? Does he think it's a faze that you'll grow out of? And does he realise that the alternative is you spending your life alone? I think it's really sad that in 2011 there are still people who think you can "choose" your sexuality! as for the "friends" you lost because you came out, they weren't friends! Friends accept you the way you are! I've got gay friends, my dd's got gay friends, their sexuality has nothing to do with us, we love them as people - end of!

Tell your mother first and take it from there. She loves you. She should love you unconditionally. As other have said she probably knows or suspects, as after all you've never had a girlfriend. Would you say your parents are very old-fashioned and narrow minded? Or do you think that they would understand? Don't think about what your brother said, what do you think? You can't live a lie for the rest of your life, you'll make yourself ill, and you'll be unhappy and you can't risk losing the man you love because of fear and prejudice.

scheming_gypsy

I think they're less annoying. I have no issues with anybody being gay but I find overly camp people, irritating
Although if you Google 'louie spence mincing great !!!!!!', apparently even the gay rights lot aren't too keen on 'mincers'

jackieblack

Stiubhart

You know your parents better than any of us. Try and take a step back for a minute and think about this from a different perspective. Imagine it is your brother who is gay, how do you think your parents would react to that? What advice would you give him?

As a mother. I would be devastated if my DD was in your position and was fearful of telling me. She is my DD and I love her absolutely uncondtionally and just want her to be happy. Any parents should love and accept their child for who they are and put their child's happiness before their own feelings.

It does sound like you have a special connection with this man. Life is too short to be unhappy apart when you could be happy together.

I'm sorry that you have this dilemma and hope that everything works out well for you all.

January20

Emmzi wrote: »

s_g, do you think "a gay man" is better than "a mincer"? Because in the posts, there is a value judgement. IMHO, all people, barring others factors, all as good as each other.

Labels - not helpful.

Right, I am off to work before the outraged Daily Mail crowd descend!

This discussion you have just started, high-jacking the thread because you are offended, do you think it's really helpful to the OP? Is this really the time and the place? If you are so bothered, why don't you start a discussion in DT and allow people here to concentrate on the one important thing of this thread: the OP needs help - badly, not the PC police!

RedBern

A friend of mine recently defected after 20yrs of marriage and is now in a same sex relationship. It caused her parents real heartache at first, it was like a bereavement as they'd lost a son in law etc.

We joked that she told them in the wrong way, she should have said mum, I'm a drug addict, I'm being chased by heavies for money, or I've lost my job for looking at !!!!!! at work and then when the tears and shock started, just said, don't be silly, I'm gay and I didn't want to tell you. They d be so relieved....:)

Anyway, 12months down the line, her parent now accept her new partner, it hasn't been easy but their daughters happiness comes first. I'd be surprised if your revelation was a shock to your parents. Just don't take things too quickly, don't expect to have your boyfriend to stay over this Christmas! People need to get used to the idea at their pace.

Good luck, be brave.

TimBear

Having never been in the OP's position I can't offer personal advice, but all I can say is good luck telling your parents.

The 'friends' you've lost over telling them were clearly never friends in the first place! I couldn't care less about my friends' sexual preferences, because I love them for who they are. So I hope you don't lose sleep over that.

I hope your parents take it well. I'm sure they will love you regardless.

Errata

We are men who love men not some mincing, make-up wearing, lisping queen!

If the OP's parents are as bigotted as he appears to be from this quote of his, he may have problems with them.