Fearful of admitting sexuality

foxwales

I bat for the same team as you and glad that your not another mincer, way too many poofs not enough men.

The fact that your concerned about your folks reaction would tell me that its not a good idea to tell them yet.

Until you are financially stable and independent, then selfish as it seems, you have a good base to straighten yourself out financially to regain your independence, in which case, if your family do reject you, you are able to support yourself and retain some stability.

If you decide to tell them and things do turn out for the worse, do you have somewhere you can stay long term, are you able to financially support yourself and will you have the emotional support too? If you answer no to any of these questions, then you shouldn't tell them until you can answer yes to every one.

Being gay is such a small portion of whom you are, it only defines your sexual preference not who you are or what you are.

Sometimes we have to be selfish to keep standing on our own two feet.

Peace out fellow fairy

jamespir

i know you mean well foxwales but you use of poofs and fairy and mincer's i think is a little offensive

midsgurl

My advice to you is to be true to yourself and love yourself for who you are and live your life. I have so many gay and lesbians on my families side and my husbands too. And I am supportive and very protective of them. Like another poster said, you're mother probably suspects something. I knew my 17 year old nephew was gay when he was 4 years old and my 23 year old niece when she was 15.

Like Lady Gaga sings "I was born this way". (Love that song!)

Good luck. I am here for you xx

foxwales

jamespir wrote: »

i know you mean well foxwales but you use of poofs and fairy and mincer's i think is a little offensive

Uh.... I'm a gay too, or perhaps you missed that?

Stiubhart

Thanks to the rest of you that have replied and given your opinions. It is really much appreciated!

jackieglasgow - I have edited the bad language! Thanks for the heads up. It is essential. I had a wee greet to my pal about it all and I blurted out that I wished I had just been born normal and had a wife and weans! She said that I would never had met her if that had been the case and there was nothing I could do to change it. I wouldn't be me if I wasn't a homo.

stephb1986 - I do have to say though, I have a friend of a friend who's mum and dad disowned him and refuse him into their house when he came out. He has no family and I find that terribly distressing! He usually spends Christmas alone! Poor wee lamb. I'd never rub anything in anyone's face (well, mostly )

MarilynMonroe I'm not 100% either way. I should maybe start belting out Kylie (would need to download some first) and get a rainbow flag on my bedroom wall. Or maybe I should stop being a big fearty and get on with telling them!

Emmzi - Sorry what about my language? I'm not extending any stereotypes AFAIA. The stereotypes are there and if a gay man chooses to become one then that is their choice, I find it very difficult to understand however. But I do apologise if I have offended you. Thanks for the good luck! P.S. I had to Google what the 'Q' in LGBTQ meant!

foxwales I see you are in the minority! How apt Thanks so much for your opinion as you obviously have been there and done it. Not that your opinion overrides all the other posters who have commented but gives a valuable insight. I have to admit that the answers to your questions are a resounding 'no'. The relationship might last, it might not and the emotional support at the potential loss of my family could be gone. His dad inadvertently found gay !!!!!! on the home computer and confronted him. He still has contact with his parents but admits it is strained at times and took a long time to get to a point where they accepted him. I think I am actually being equally selfish (in that I don't want to lose my family or home) and selfless (by not allowing a partner to be a second class citizen in my family). Or am I being a bit deluded/melodramatic?


I honestly didn't think I would have as many responses as I have already and it really is great to see the opposing views and things I hadn't thought of. I really do appreciate it all.

Stiubhart

jamespir wrote: »

i know you mean well foxwales but you use of poofs and fairy and mincer's i think is a little offensive

I think that is actually my fault and foxwales was quoting and/or paraphrasing my original post. Without diverting off at a tangent too much, do gays get offended when 'their kind' say these words? Akin to a black person calling another a n***er? I'm genuinely interested? I don't find them offensive, well unless someone called me a mincer as I really don't!

foxwales

On that basis, I would strongly suggest you take things extremely slowly and don't be hasty. If you can, try to put yourself in a position where you have sufficient support, both financially, emotionally and a roof over your head before you tell them.

Have patience and best of luck, what ever you decide, really hope it works out for you.

foxwales

Stiubhart wrote: »

I think that is actually my fault and foxwales was quoting and/or paraphrasing my original post. Without diverting off at a tangent too much, do gays get offended when 'their kind' say these words? Akin to a black person calling another a n***er? I'm genuinely interested? I don't find them offensive, well unless someone called me a mincer as I really don't!

Ha! This intrigues me too. I get called !!!!!! all the time, doesn't bother me as I'm probably more masculine than straight guys I know, I also call my fellow gays fairies.

Doesn't offend me and hasn't offended them, it's always said in jest and never in an offensive manner.

Emmzi

Yes, the language is offensive to many. And is not dissimilar to calling women "wee lassies" or whatever. Or as you suggest, the N word. It prevents people being taken seriously in society and it makes it easy for bigots to continue their prejudices as even the marginalised group endorse them.

Stonewall et al have campaigned for so many years for equal rights, have dealt with the fear of coming out before anyone came out, have worked hard to make society accept diversity as a positive, or at least something you won't be punched for. They're not done yet.

It pains me to see the very people they have been campaigning for perpetuate stereotypes, possibly for comic effect. It seems to cheapen the work of those who have been abused in the name of equality.

But by all means go back to the days of being imprisoned and beaten up in the street if you wish.

LGBTQ helpline or centres may be able to suggest further reading.... also re "but I'm on of them so I can say it!" have a google of "derailing for dummies" to see how bigots will use that against others.

Emmzi

foxwales wrote: »

Uh.... I'm a gay too, or perhaps you missed that?

But you are not allowed to speak for all gay people. And the words you use stereotype many, many people.

Come back with permission slips from them all and I promise not to be offended any more....