Reassure me I'm not being a heartless, witch, please!

Mrs_Optimist

I second the above poster - good for you! Keep it up ! Happy New year and Happy new rest of your life!

Stephb1986_2

I was thinking about you over christmas hoping you was having a quiet one without him pestering you. Your doing so well 2012 is a new start for you

Steph xx

22rescueyou

Frankly, and I hope kindly, YOU need help, ongoing and professional. Offering assistance to this man simply enables him.
Where is your self esteem? You are obviously an intelligent and caring woman. By the way, I certainly didn't get a clear 'no way, get lost' message from the conversation that you relayed - perhaps he didn't, either? Or perhaps you didn't want to give the message too loud and clear?
I hope you find the happiness that you deserve, but I doubt that you will do it with him in your life.

sqeeky

I agree, 22. It made his behaviour easier, but I was just completely blindsided by the neediness. I just don't find it easy to be harsh or angry. I'm pretty sure a lot of my own problems are caused by being unable to express anger.

It makes me feel like I'm the one being horrible and mean when faced with someone simpering at me.

But telling him there was nothing to discuss and not to call - and not taking one single call from him since the day I described - well, if that doesn't explain it clearly enough - that he is never, ever coming back - well, I suppose I'll just have to get on with it, even though it feels so wrong to tell a sobbing 'adult' to !!!! off out of my life.

I've posted elsewhere about how exactly I feel about him, and how I don't feel I could say any of those things to him, to anyone.




He rang at least twice today. The answerphone is switched off, as is my mobile (and has been since Christmas Day). I expect he is planning to turn up this weekend. Well, as I'm skint, I don't have the money to post his t-shirts back to his mother, so they'll be in the front garden tomorrow once the binmen have been. And I will be out again.



The break, the peace and the lack of stress has led me to know the worst thing in the world that could happen to me is that I allow him to wheedle and whine and strop his way back into my life. If I see him, he will most probably be all the things I find hardest to deal with. Or really harsh and aggressive.


I look at the different things I have written in my diary and, hand on heart, can say with complete conviction;

'He'd be drunk for that one'

'I wouldn't be allowed that one.'

'Out after dark'

'Out during day'

'Might be spoken to by a man'

'Definitely will be spoken to by several men'

'Would mean I wasn't paying full attention to him'

'Wouldn't like that'

'Would try to start a row over that'

'Would destroy the outfit for that in a boilwash or spill bleach over it'


And I've been out and bought 3 matching sets of undies. Because I needed to replace ones that were wearing out. I would NEVER have been allowed to wear them outside, and would have been constantly harassed indoors if he knew I wore them at all.


Do I want someone in my life who wanted to dictate what knickers I wear?


No. I don't.

msb5262

Hello again sqeeky,

You are sounding strong, decisive and much more at ease with yourself.

Congratulations! So glad to see the progress you're making.

Hopefully this is the beginning of a great new life for you.

Keep us updated please - you have done all the hardest bits and it's wonderful to hear about all the nice things you can now do for yourself.

Best wishes

MsB x

Dinah93

Fantastic update, you sound so strong. Huge pat on the back for you and your undies! x

sqeeky

Well, time for another update. He received his stuff.

And promptly came up with a whole load of other things he reckons are his property, too.


Hasn't been pestering as much, no messages this week. Last week's were that he was diagnosed with COPD and that he was going to live with his brother in Europe and travel around the continent. Oh, and he still loves me. :wall: None were answered or in anyway acknowledged.


In the end I found myself a mobile phone down, as I threw it across the room in disgust and it broke into a million pieces against the radiator. Would have been cheaper to have blocked his number, I know.


He has been told very clearly that we are not ever going to get back together. He isn't going to undump himself, as I am not interested anymore. Even if he were to be sober from now on (which just isn't going to happen, he's already rewriting recent history to blank out the bits where he has been drunk, and made up stories about tipping alcohol away before he left to save me from doing 'something silly' :huh: I'm not the one with an alcohol addiction) I have said I. am. not. interested.



So I'm getting on with my life - he won't have my new mobile number.



I can see how people get baseball bats wrapped around their heads, though.

faerie~spangles

OMG, reading your OP left me feeling emotionally drained.


All I can say is WELL DONE GIRLY!

You should be proud of yourself.

BitterAndTwisted

I bloody love the strength and resolve that's being voiced in your last few posts. Damned shame about that mobile but such a fortunate thing to have done. The only possible fly in the ointment is that you may not know when he's planning to show up. Do you think you might be ready for that soon?

I've heard that a good way to get someone out of your system is to get a photo of them and shout at it about all the completely foul things they have ever done to you and precisely how you feel about it. In weak moments remember the very worst thing that he has said or done and viualise yourself throwing him out onto the street.

Onwards and upwards!

Kittenkirst

I'm so pleased for you sqeeky! :9) well done you & here's to the start if your new life & education! :0)