MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should little sis get a holiday too?



  • xadoc
    xadoc Posts: 152 Forumite
    I'm surprised no-one has suggesting asking the girl herself what she thinks!!

    And how rude that people think the situation should be explained to her sister of superior intelligence but not her!!

    Perhaps she could be given the choice.

    Either a reward at the same level/rate as her sister... if she wants to take on the challenge (some kids would respect being given the choice, and enjoy trying to rise to the challenge - she'll know she won't get the same grades, but how degrading to have those standards lowered!!!).

    Or maybe she'd prefer a reward based on *her* long term goals (assuming they don't include exam results); something she is good at and is more in tune with what she wants to achieve. Perhaps she's good at sports, why not reward her based on that, or because she's been doing lots of charity work, who knows - she's a fictional character!?

    The girls aren't the same, so why attempt to decide what treating them equally means in this instance, when blatantly either option disadvantages the other.

    It is true that in the adult world we're rarely rewarded for effort without results... except when making babies maybe :)

    I do agree with all the people who thought this ridiculous in the first place... parents should have thought about their daughters and had a bit of foresight.
  • sheenaf
    sheenaf Posts: 48 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I was a 'wee' sister. Unlike me my elder sister was academically inclined, spent hours on homework, revision etc. She was Dux of the primary school and went on to get a good group of Highers. I was only a year behind her at school although 20 months younger and spent all my school days being urged by teachers and parents to be more like my sister to the point where I came to hate her. Funnily enough, with virtually no effort on my part, I was also school Dux and then top of my year in Secondary. I think I had a facility for intense concentration during exams whereas my sister got very nervous.
    I also had two daughters and teachers were always praising the older one and saying the wee one 'lacked application' but the younger one gained 6 Highers to her big sister's 5.
    My parents never offered 'bribes' - the carrot they dangled was the glory and getting your name in the local paper. We promised both girls the deposit on a flat if they qualified for University.
    As to the scenario above, parents beware, whatever bribe you offer to your first born will have to be offered to the rest of your children. Your youngest might get 6 As. Remember the fable of the hare and the tortoise.
  • dazco
    dazco Posts: 19,261 Forumite
    Child should be taught that results, not effort, bring rewards.

    Although as a father I am sure some kind of big treat could be fitted in.
  • kazosb
    kazosb Posts: 10 Forumite
    yes of course the grades do not matter, only the fact that they work as hard as possible to get the best grades for their ability! Its effort not results that matter here! :j
    :beer: Kaz :A
  • Idiophreak
    Idiophreak Posts: 12,024 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Post
    Don't really see any need to drop the required grades - if they make her work as if she needs straight As, she'll do the very best she can - then they can give her the money whatever grades she does actually get.

    I really can't see the older sister being upset because her sister, who she'll acknowledge works harder, gets a holiday too, even if she didn't get the grades required.
  • Isn't life all about incentivising to achieve greater results. In most walks of life, greater rewards can be received for greater results. However, results expected have to be determined depending upon what can be achieved by the person who is aiming for them.

    If the younger sister works hard and does "her best", then reward her. If she doesn't then no reward. Most children nowadays understand the importance of good grades at school so all they are doing is trying to get her to achieve that little bit more. Is this wrong?
  • kfn1502
    kfn1502 Posts: 22 Forumite
    I have two teenage daughters, now 16 and 15. We do not treat them the same, because they are both unique with individual strengths and weaknesses. One finds exams easy & gets good results without really putting in much effort. She is bright, bubbly, generous and kind. She is also almost always running late, argumentative, and her room is rarely tidy.

    The younger one is bright, but she doesn't sail through exams. She works much harder, much more independently, yet doesn't get the same rewards in terms of grades. She is introspective and prefers her own company. She struggles to communicate well with people. She is punctual and keeps a tidy room, and she makes thoughtful appropriate comments when it is least expected.

    We treat them differently because they are different. The older one was given a GCSE graduation present, not because of the results but because she had put in the effort. In fact, we were mildly disappointed with her results because we weren't convinced she'd put in her best effort.

    Our younger daughter has started her GCSEs and may not achieve the same results as her older sister. So what. She will still be rewarded with a graduation gift because she will have put in the effort, and we give each of them gifts because we love them, not because they 'deserve' anything.

    Our youngest child has significant special needs and will never even be able to sit GCSE exams. Again, so what. We love him as much as our highly achieving daughters, and we give him what is most important for his long term development and care.

    Please treat your children as individuals, don't try to treat them 'equally'. Further helpful reading for those with kids heading into teenage years is "Adolescence isn't terminal: it just feels like it" by Dr Kevin Leman.
  • Do you reward a super-bright child who doesn't need to (and doesn't) lift a finger to gain top grades?
  • Hi All,

    I firmly believe that the reason why big sis got a holiday was because she achieved the grades that were expected.
    It should be the same for the little sister. If she acheives the grades that are expected of her (maybe even C's) then she should get the holiday.

    If the big sister complains you can always say that it is fair because the same conditions were imposed on both sisters.

    This was how it was done in my family and it worked perfectly.
  • NO!!! Little sis should be given a holiday because it levels out the playing field between her and her big sis only. This of course will annoy big sis but the parents should tell her that they were wrong and have learnt their own lessson. Rewards like this devalue the main reward which is achieving the best grades you can.
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