MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should little sis get a holiday too?

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  • I feel the youger sister should also be rewarded for her efforts. everyone is different and we can not all be straight A students but as long as we give our best effort and work hard we should be rewarded. I support the younger sister receiving a holiday.

    Brad Percival
  • In the early 60s if you passed your 11+ you got a new bike. My brother passed his 11+ and got the new bike, despite money being in short supply. Three years later I failed my 11+ and I got a second hand bike.

    This has stayed with me. It was the first time I was aware of discrimination and it told me (wrongly) that my parents valued my brother more than me. It told me that boys were valued more than girls (sadly, true at the time). It told me that I was a second class person. It told me that I would never be as good as my brother. Above all, it told me that I was a failure. It told me no matter what I did it wasn't worth the bother - and the secondary school I attended strengthened that impression.

    I now have two grown up daughters, one academically bright and one not academically inclined. We always knew they would not have the same achievements in life and have always treated them absolutely equal and never rewarded them on academic achievement.

    My younger daughter and I both know what it is like growing up in the shadow of a gifted sibling and it is not something that needs reinforcing with rewards for passing exams.
  • Ashley's parents should keep their high expectations and show Ashley that they have faith she is capable of achieving the same high grades as her sister - it will help spur Ashley on. That means sticking to their promise of a holiday if she gets the same high grades.

    If Ashley doesn't get the grades, then she should be offered something different - but just as fabulous - as a reward for her effort. I liked the mention of a hot air balloon ride earlier, or some amazing designer shoes (I'm speaking here as a girl not long past her GCSEs either!) But they should keep it a secret from Ashley until she gets her results.

    Because it's not fair for Ashley to get the same thing as Jessica since their parents already made the (stupid) promise of a holiday on achieving certain grades. Life largely doesn't work on the premise of effort rewarded, but on achievement. But I doubt she'd be disappointed with the alternative, and would show Ashley that her parents recognise the hard work she has put in and are just as proud of her for that.
  • Of course the younger sister should be rewarded accordingly. Her parents should decide a challenging but realistically achievable goal for her in order to recieve her reward.

    I worked hard for my GCSES, I wasn't the best in the class, i'd say I was pretty much average. I wasn't offered any incentives or rewards, and didn't expect any, in my mind, my reward was the good grades which got me into college. However, my parents decided afterwards as i'd done so well they would reward me with a mini disk player which was very much appreciated. When I got my A level results back my parents bought me a microwave oven grill for university which was great as it's also very practical :D I never asked or suggested anything or expected anything though.

    I don't think that offering children rewards and incentives is a bad thing at all- as long as they are thought through properly. In the adult world, rewards and incentives are offered all the time- and it sets children up for the working world- the harder they work the more they recieve back. Even at first school, children recieve 'gold stars/smiley faces' etc, you can't really say this is illegal bribery and corruption now can you? :P
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  • whizzocki wrote:
    Mmmm, how many of the folk dissing this as a 'bribe' do their own work for the fun of it? None!?! There's a surprise... This is not a bribe, it is a reward for effort. Go for it.
    Rubbish. It's a bribe.

    People have(need) jobs to earn money. Students work to get grades to get jobs.

    Yes, there is something to your metaphor, but you're taking it a bit too far...
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  • MSE_Jenny wrote:
    Jessica's very bright and sailed through her exams, getting the grades no problem without too much problem. [/FONT][/COLOR]

    While Ashley works much harder than Jessica, she’s not as naturally academic and has no chance of turning in top marks.

    Rephrase the dilema:

    Kevin is bright and sailed through his exams and went to med. school no problems, he's now a GP and society pays him £120k a year for a 40 hour week.

    Gordon his brother is a bit slower academically but worked really hard to become get an NVQ in being a care assistant and works much longer hours as a care assistant in an old folks home.

    Should society reward Gordon the same as Kevin?
  • I'm surprised by the number of people labeling this as a "bribe"

    Do they also think any form of performance related pay is a bribe?
    And only try to get a good appraisal at work for the inner glow, rather than working toward a promotion and a payrise?
    Most peoples entire working life will consist of such dangled carrots.

    Maybe all their kids are highly motivated self-starters at 16 who are totally clued up career wise and financially, if thats the case count your blessings.

    I know I was much more interested in playing computer games and sneaking off the odd bottle of beer from my Dads supply iwhen I was 16.
  • anne99
    anne99 Posts: 61 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Rephrase the dilema:

    Kevin is bright and sailed through his exams and went to med. school no problems, he's now a GP and society pays him £120k a year for a 40 hour week.

    Gordon his brother is a bit slower academically but worked really hard to become get an NVQ in being a care assistant and works much longer hours as a care assistant in an old folks home.

    Should society reward Gordon the same as Kevin?


    Society won't, but family is different. For example, when their parents die, you would expect them to leave them equal shares, or more to the less well-off son. Society is brutal: doesn't mean your family should be.
  • I've decide that in my annual assessment I'm going to state my goals is to 'work really hard' .. sod performance, that might happen but I'm sure my boss will be happy that I tried. I jest.

    If you've got a money motivated 16 year old child, then yes, a financial incentive is probably a good way of providing an extra boost to motivation.

    If you child has an alternate goals (like they want to be a doctor/lawyer so really need high grades) they may self motivate.

    If you have an un-academic child who is happy to work hard then yes, reward their hard work even if they don't achieve high grades.
  • I don't understand how this is can be considered bribery. What's wrong with providing motivation, or at least something to look forward too after what feels like never ending revision. Money/free stuff motivates kids, and if parents want to offer this motivation then why not? I was "bribed" in this way (not so long ago, I sat my exams in 2005). My parents "paid" me per hour to revise (not much, 25/50p or something but it adds up, at least it did for me;)) and then I got rewarded when I got my results.

    GCSEs are the first real exams (of importance) that anyone sits and it feels like the end of the world, all that hard work (yes it is hard work at 15, having never done anything like that before...never had to revise, sit an exam..etc) feels like it's going to carry on forever so isn't a reward (especially a holiday) a nice reminder that things will end, and all your hard work will be worth it, you just have to keep going...

    Maybe I missed the point a little to the main question (which I think, of course they should get the same reward but if the younger sister isn't as naturally clever then obviously the targets should be lower...otherwise she will feel bad when she never reaches them, but would feel equally bad if she worked hard for no reward when her sister got one. That would just teach her that her hard work is worth nothing). I just wanted to say why a reward like that is a good/helpful thing to someone sitting their GCSEs, why it's not a bribe.
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