MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should little sis get a holiday too?

Paul_Herring

liberty23 wrote:

Little sis should definately get the reward for putting in hard work.

Ah - but what reward? And what should she do for it? Look back at the first post:

Bright Jessica flies through her GCSE's and gets her holiday money for attaining the goal of getting straight A's.

Thick Ashley, while putting in as much effort as Bright Jessica, has no chance of getting straight A's.

Should Ashley be set the goals of A's (the implication is she'll never get them, or if she does she's worked much harder) or should she be set lower goals (to the consternation of her older sister?)

It annoys me the amount of people who are 'down' on rewarding their kids for hard work in school and on exams.

I'm not down on rewarding kids, I'm down on bribing them - there's a subtle difference.

Daisies

I think they should be rewarded for the effort put in, so Ashley should have a holiday for achieving something in line with what her teachers predict to be her ability.

I don't agree with the people who say that it's always results that matter in the world of work, not the effort put in. Maybe that works for some jobs, if you're on performance related pay, for example, or work in the City. But remember, it's likely (hopefully) that she'll end up doing a job she's chosen and likes, whereas there are always some GCSEs that are disliked because of the compulsory subjects. She'll learnt that putting effort in, even when you don't like something and aren't feeling motivated, is important. In my working life it is the people who turn up punctually, who you know will have done the work on time and are reliable who are the people who are most likely to get promoted. The couple of people I'm aware of who have been sacked are the ones who just ignored some parts of their jobs (intending to do it at a later date, which doesn't help the company), or were always late for work or let colleagues do the work for them.

wensmcg

I agree that parents shouldn't bribe, although they should reward, but I also think that children should be treated equally.
I dont think that they should change the goalpaosts - A's should still be the target as any less than that may make her feel that she can't do better and I honestly believe a person can achieve anything they set their mind on - if they work hard enough. We should never underestimate the power of a positive attitude.
BUT I think that the effort has to be rewarded in the end.
I would tell little sis that the same rules apply, to encourage her to work to her best abilities, and then she would get the holiday whatever the results were on the day- and told that it is the effort that is important and that I was proud of her whatever came out on the day.
so long as we always do our best nobody - including ourselves - can ask anymore.
cheers
W

nearlyrich

I "rewarded" my two for acheivement at GCSE by supporting them through A levels and uni, I don't really agree with bribing them with money per A grade. Education has always been viewed as important in this family and motivating them to acheive has never been an issue.

I think in the situation described above the parents should offer an equal reward to their second daughter as children should be treated equally.

bowlhead99

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V_Chic_Chick

People seem to be forgetting that schools dish out expected grades.

What could be done, is she gets (for example)
£20 for achieving the expected grade in any subject
£50 for achieving one grade above the expected grade in any subject
£100 for achieving two grades above the expected grade in any subject

The money could then be totted up, and she can decide where she goes using the money, and so her grades dictate whether she goes to Skegness or Paris, but she can opt for Bognor Regis or Cannes instead

Taffybiker

Little sister has worked harder but achieved less. In my experience it is those who are seen to be trying hard who eventually reap the rewards, and little sis has certainly earned a holiday but she has earned a different one to that of her big sister. There are obviously differences between the girls, so having different holidays would be in line with their personalities and also help alleviate any envy. Each would be convinced their holiday was better.

halia

Why is it a bribe when we offer a 16 yr old something for doing well at school (remembering they didn't choose to go to school!) but a reward when we get a bonus for doing well at work (where we may well have had more choice about what job to take?)

I would have made any reward personal not just grades, so bright and lazy gets rewarded for effort above and beyond, so if exams are easy maybe reward for sticking with band practise as well. For little sis it coudl be about working hard and consistantly.

englishmac

MichA wrote: »

I think if the parents expect little sis to get less than A's then its almost certain that she wont get A's. Its the makings of a self-fulfilling prophesy. Why should the standards be set as less than with the older sister? even if she has to work harder, she's capable of making the grade.

It isn't necessarily true that she is capable of 'making the grade'. We're all different and she may excel in areas other than academia. It is only fair that she is offered the same reward opportunity as her older sibling but the goal should be 'doing your best' not straight 'A's. It's not the winning it's the taking part. The parents know their children, they'll know whether she has done her best.

I'm morally against material reward for doing well academically - I understand the point about work bonuses but I think it is different. What you need to get across to your kids is that the reward for their hard work at school/college/etc is the potential to improve the rest of their life, not make a quick buck.

Shytalker

It's a lot like my two neices. One has worked hard to be successful but she has not had much help from her parents. The other one fritters away money that she has easily acquired money from her parents and hopes to be a writer or something artistic, as though success will beat a path to her door.

No, I think that siblings ought to be treated equally or there will a lot of bad blood later in life. Little sis should also be rewarded but perhaps for different targets, such as the amount of work put into her studies.